Am I a hypochondriac now?

[hcj90]

Hello,

Wondering if others have felt like this?.  Before I found out I was pos last year, I almost never went to a doctor.  If I felt sick, I just ignored it and forced my self to continue working, etc.  I always believed it would pass...and little did I know what was going on inside my body for many years.  Now it seems that I am watching and waiting for something to happen.  Any sign of something different going on has me concerned.  I am fortunate to have a great ID Clinic doctor, who knows that I always hesitated in the past to seek help.  She tells me to let her know when I feel something is up...no matter what it is.  It's nice to know I have that type of help available.  I guess part of my problem was growing up in a family that ignored many things, and always dismissed sickness as weakness. 

I hope that I can get to the place where I'm not so overly concerned and can live somewhat in peace.  Especially not worrying about what could happen, but hasn't happened.

Thanks for listening,
HCJ

[mecch]

You don't sound like a hypochondriac in the least.  You grew up having to ignore or downplay sickness.  Now you have HIV, a serious health threat, but you have a great doctor, and you are taking care to remain healthy. That's a switch from what you had as a kid but just go with it.  I'm sure if you start obsessing about your health now, you will either recognise it yourself, or your doctor will give some feedback. 

How long positive?  First year or so after diagnosis, and being on close medical care, I think a lot of people are overly watching their bodies.  But then it evens out.  We will always be a bit extra vigilant going forward. 

There's a little silver lining because if we are following standard medical followup of HIV infection, we're seeing doctors and getting more testing done on how the whole system is going then HIV- people are, generally. 

You can shift some of the observation role to the doctors, in other words....  Those labs tell a lot and I think I generally have a better understanding of the state of my health than before diagnosis.   And knowledge can sometimes decrease anxiety.

[hcj90]

Thanks mecch for the reassurance!  As far as I know I contracted HIV nearly 20 years ago.  My dr. said that it was possible to have had it that long...that I must have had a strong immune system for a long time.  But it wasn't until spring 2012 that I began having serious issues.  Thankful that my local dr. sent me to a great ID Clinic after I tested positive. 

I grew up with a depressed, mentally ill mother, and it has taken me years of counseling to find some normalcy in life.  I can remember being sick and staying out of school, and she wouldn't write a permission slip for me to go back to school with a reason for my absence.  So...I had to forge her signature on the notes.  Nothing was normal growing up.  When I was about 12 years old, I was the one to go to my 5 year old sister's parent/teacher conference, because my mother was in a bathrobe in the car.  I've had quite a life.  I do believe we all go through things for a reason, and when I found out about my HIV, I did go through some emotional ups and downs, but I have never been angry about it.  I just knew that I had to get the best medical care and do everything I could to be as healthy as possible.  Sorry for rambling, but I am thankful for the great dr. that listens and has sent me to other doctors for problems she wasn't an expert in.  I am blessed to have great friends, and my family actually took it better than I expected and have been very helpful as well.  I feel sorry for those who have no one they can share this with.  I refuse to live in any kind of shame or guilt.  Everybody has a story and has had different events to shape their lives.  If people want to judge me, then I'll be glad to let them walk in my shoes and see how they handle it! 

Thanks,
HCJ

[Ann]

I refuse to live in any kind of shame or guilt.  Everybody has a story and has had different events to shape their lives.  If people want to judge me, then I'll be glad to let them walk in my shoes and see how they handle it! 

Well said!