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Author Topic: Scared because of frottage and possible dipping - justified?  (Read 3428 times)

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Offline SwissGuy

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Hello everyone,

first of all I'd like to thank all the members and moderators of this site for the great job you're doing.

Here's what happened.

I'm 36 years old guy from Switzerland. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 10 years. We're both tops (yes, that can work :-)). After about 6 years we started doing 3-somes with some "friends with benefits". Nothing serious: mainly mutual masturbation, oral sex (without ejaculation in the mouth) and frottage. With those few people where we want to go beyond that, we always use condoms.

With one of those friends, the anal frottage got a bit more intense, and I think it may have bordered into dipping. It's kinda hard to tell, because everything is pretty moist back there (with precum and everything). It definitely didn't feel "tight", so if there was any penetration at all, it was really only a matter of millimeters. This repeated itself a handful of times. My boyfriend and I have always been the "insertive" partners (although we're both in doubt if there was any "insertion" at all).

Yes, this was probably stupid, but I always thought the risk of contracting HIV through frottage or some slight dipping was negligible or almost 0.

Fast forward a month or so, we went on vacation to the USA. There I suddenly god sick (about 101F fever, swollen tonsils and jaw lymph nodes), so I went to a local doctor. He did a strep test which came back negative, but still gave me antibiotics (Cephalexin) because "those swollen glands need to go away" (his words). The antibiotics started giving me diarrhea almost immediately (most antibiotics do that to me) and I felt even worse. I was very weak and had a hard time dragging myself and my hand luggage through the airport. Luckily, after a week the tonsils and jaw glands where back to normal size. The fever ceased 4 days after it began, together with the weakness. After arriving back home, I had myself checked again by my trusted MD (this was 7 days after my symptoms started), he checked my glands and said there was no lymphadenopathy.

The nasty diarrhea persisted for 6 weeks in total. My boyfriend had it too - we both had it at the same time. It was probably a giardiasis infection caught from contaminated tap water in Wyoming, or by playing with the dogs outside and not washing hands afterwards. He didn't have the fever and the swollen glands, though.

When we were both healthy again, we didn't give it much thought anymore.

Fast forward one year, and a friend of ours (whom we never had sex with, 19 years old) got diagnosed with HIV. Now the hypochondriac in me kicked in. Could my swollen glands with a negative strep test have been ARS? Could I have been so unlucky to have caught HIV from "frottage and maybe a bit of dipping"? Or was it simply a viral infection (thus a negative strep test) and I'm looking too much into it?

By the way, I added the diarrhea information because I found this while doing my hypochondriac Google searches: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20437163

I know I could simply go and take the test, but I'm one of those scared of tests (irrational, I know). Also, I'm told it doesn't make sense to take a test if there was no risky behavior.

I don't want to come across as ignorant or un-informed, but we are all humans, and sometimes irrational fears are there, so I thought I'd ask more expert people for some advice. What do you think?

Thank you for your replies!

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Scared because of frottage and possible dipping - justified?
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2013, 07:55:10 PM »
As you are not in a mutually monogamous relationship, you need to get a full STD panel done at least every six months, including an HIV test of course. Honestly, and not to be abrupt, but if you are too scared to test for STDs then you should not be in a polygamous relationship. Or, really, one at all. do the adult grown-up thing and get a full STD panel.

I don't see this as being an HIV situation in the least, but it rankles me that people are happy to enjoy polyamory yet aren't grownup enough to face an STD panel - which could protect YOU and your partner and your Friends With Benefits.

You and your partner need to be on a strict six month STD testing regimen as long as you are "making it work" by both being tops but both playing with others.

I honestly do not see the scenario you described as being an HIV situation, but for all you know you are brewing up a case of neurosyphilis and passing it around, if you aren't being tested regularly. Please be responsible for your health and the health of your partners.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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