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Author Topic: Ann or Andy Please Advise  (Read 1683 times)

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Offline Chapped01

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Ann or Andy Please Advise
« on: March 03, 2013, 09:45:43 PM »
Ann and Andy:

Last night, while at a bar, a woman of unknown STD status unexpectedly kissed me. There were three kisses total (the third I pulled away from so only the corner of my lips were touched), they were closed-mouthed, lasted a few seconds each, but felt like she pressed very hard on my lips. She grasped the sides of my face for leverage. I was in shocked at her forwardness and then began to worry because prior she was telling me about her promiscuous lifestyle. I'm a gay male happily in a relationship and never expected the woman (who knew this fact) would kiss me.

The problem is my lips were very chapped. They were so chapped that they had been cracked and flaking all night. The excessive dryness opened up tiny fissures where you could see deeper red coloring (like blood) in the cracks, but I was not actively bleeding. I also had a bad canker sore in my mouth. Her lips did not appear to be in bad condition, but I really didn't pay attention. I just remember her front teeth were not the greatest and indicative of poor oral gum health.

Given my badly chapped lips and canker sore am I at risk for HIV or other stds (like herpes)?

I'm not sure if her saliva was present or if her lips gloss transferred to me because it was a brownish-pink. Does that matter?

Do I need testing?

Is it safe to resume sexual contact with my bf?

I told him as we keep nothing from each other and I was there for a bachelorette party. He thinks it's nothing but a friendly kiss or just her being drunk and stupid. Today, my lips are red, throbbing, and in pain.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Ann or Andy Please Advise
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2013, 09:58:05 PM »
HIV is not transmitted from kissing. You do not need any testing.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Ann or Andy Please Advise
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2013, 09:59:03 PM »
Hi chapped . Kissing isn't a risk for HIV , it doesn't matter if you have chapped lips canker sores or even if she did in fact have HIV , its not a risk .

You do not need to test over this incident so put it out of your mind and enjoy the company of your boyfriend . 
HIV 101 - Basics
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You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
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You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
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You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Ann

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Re: Ann or Andy Please Advise
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2013, 06:55:22 AM »

Kissing is absolutely not a risk for hiv infection and your chapped lips do not change that fact - nor does her oral health. Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

Before you ask the inevitable blood-in-the-mouth question, unless you're in the habit of repeatedly punching a person in the mouth before they kiss (or blow) you, there could not possibly be enough blood present to cause the slightest concern.

I have to wonder - is it only strangers you worry about? Are you having unprotected intercourse with your boyfriend, all the while never having been tested together? Too many couples make this mistake and find out too late that one or the other - or both - were positive before they got into the relationship and just didn't know it. We see it all the time in the other sections of this website.

If you and your boyfriend didn't test together before you stopped using condoms, then you both need to test. If you consistently use condoms with each other, then you're ok, but it's always wise to test periodically regardless.

I cannot stress enough that you cannot go by what someone tells you about their hiv status, not even someone you're in a relationship with. Far too many people only assume they're hiv negative. Far too many people never test and so don't know they're positive. If you two are barebacking, you both need to test. That's just part of life in the 21st century.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST SPECIFICALLY OVER THIS INNOCENT BACHELORETTE PARTY KISS, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


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