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Author Topic: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??  (Read 5557 times)

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Offline Life

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Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« on: October 10, 2006, 01:38:31 PM »
Please help me over this hump….

I keep very few secrets.  I am out as a gay man and I am out to my family, friends and my immediate bosses that I work for as being HIV positive.   I was very comfortable up until now.   My boss at one of the hotels I work for who I carry all my insurance with has had to leave cuz of the cost of living.  So now, I am back to square one.  I felt very comfortable disclosing to him and he supported me through this entire year.   Now I have a new boss who I do not know and who is from a very distant country Turkey who will be taking his place.   Aspen is very close knit community and I for one do NOT wish to have rumors esp in the workplace.  I chose to disclose and I am happy I am out this far.  But now I am on eggshells again.   I work for a super corporate hotel which has 900 other hotels throughout the entire world.  Certainly, others have come forward and disclosed?  My wants and desires is to disclose again to HR and be done with it.   My job requires me to work with guests on a very one to one basis along with blood borne pathogens etc.  I am a EMT.   I use universal precautions whenever there is any risk of infecting.   I am <50 and extremely low risk to hurt anyone.   My dear friend who works in HR is the one I wish to disclose to and remove all worries or add a significant worry to my “plate”. (Tim).   I don’t like my secret again and I hate it.   So I am one to make that secret go away.   

I know I have protections to a point.   I am highly regarded in what I do and have been doing it for 19 years now.   I am fearful they could yank me or even hurt me for some reason.  But I do not want to live in fear.   I wana know NOW what my career path holds. 

I have know clue what the Americans with Disabilities Act means and maybe I am jumping the gun so to speak.   But still, I have a secret and do not want that over my head.   Currently I do not use my insurance which is absolutely spectacular that will eventually cover me and meds way down the road.  Currently on a 2 year study which will likely turn into a 5 year or so study.  No benefit load for my company I work for. 

I know there are horror stories about this..  I don’t necessarily want to hear those.   I am in a very unique situation given my length of employement and where I live…   

Am I just fucked up and stupid?  I just don’t like feeling like a shoe could fall without me knowing about it.  I feel being forthright and honest is the best policy.  At least so far.

Help!
« Last Edit: October 10, 2006, 01:42:31 PM by Eric »

Offline Regretsafew

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2006, 01:46:57 PM »
Hey Eric,   

Funny how the guy from Turkey is coming right before  Thanksgiving  lol..   

I was worried about my job too   the hospital I work for has a committee  on  employees with Infectious Diseases  which my ID doc is on.  I was freaking out about my job.  but she said  that they all supported me.   

If i'm not mistaken   as long as you can perform your job  you are covered under that disability act.

Good luck with the new boss. 

I'm sure everything will be okay for you.

Hugs,

Joey

Offline Joe K

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2006, 02:19:37 PM »
Hey Eric,

I believe you should seek some counsel on what to do and I would suggest either your local ASO or legal aid.  You raise some valid points and you want to understand all the implications of you disclosing your status to HR.  I do not think they can do anything to you, especially because you will not be asking for any type of accommodations.  But always better to know the facts up front.

If those two options are not available, try the GMHC in New York, Lambda Legal or the HRC.

I would also caution you against assuming anything about your new boss, until you get to know him and give him a chance.  I doubt your company would promote someone who would be detrimental to their operations.

So just do a little fact checking and see what the experts suggest you do.

Best of luck to you and let us know what you decide.

Offline bear60

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2006, 02:27:19 PM »
People from Turkey are mostly Muslim....if I am not mistaken.  Unless this guy is actually from the USA and just LIVED in Turkey, is a Christian and studied at Harvard. I would get his RESUME asap.
  Muslims are not known for their tolerance or understanding of our concept of DIVERSITY and ACCEPTANCE.
A Turkish woman was recently condemned of the crime of "being unTurkish" in her writings about Islamic........ whatever.
Gay men in Egypt were put in jail for hiring a boat and having a party .
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2006, 02:40:19 PM »
Eric, I lean in the direction of not disclosing unless there is some valid/pressing reason to do so.

While I appreciate your wish to be forthcoming, you don't want to be so openminded that your brains will fall out.

I second Joe's suggestion that you speak to an ASO or legal counseling via Human Rights Campaign or any similar gay supportive organization. They deal with these issues all the time.

Keep us posted on how it goes.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2006, 03:06:20 PM »
I would tend to wait a while and think it through. Just take it easy for now, collect your thoughts and no reason to panic. I'm sure things will work out, but I definately would relax for now.

Love ya,
Jeff
Positive since 1985

Offline angels4kelly

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2006, 03:09:41 PM »
Quote
While I appreciate your wish to be forthcoming, you don't want to be so openminded that your brains will fall out.

Hi Eric, I most definitely agree with Andy on this!

I went through a "phase" a few years back where I thought the best thing to do was to be open & honest with anyone and everyone about most everything.
I figured it would just make things easier on me.

Even though it did take a lot of the guilt I was feeling because of "my secret" off my back.
I must tell you there were several consequences that came with my "openness".

Now before I disclose, I think long and hard about the way things may or may not turn out.
If there's even a chance of any negativity behind my honesty, I just keep my mouth shut.
I'm never quiet about my status if there's a chance that someone else could get hurt, but in your case it doesn't sound like anyone's getting hurt.

Love you.
Peace.
Kelly
POSITIVE SINCE-10/1990
CD4-610
CD4%-29.3
VL-UNDETECTABLE
VIREAD,VIRACEPT, EPZICOM

MOST RECENT...
10/9/2006
CD4's-714
CD4%-30%
VL-Undetectable
DIAGNOSES POSITIVE 10/90
SAME MEDS, VIREAD, VIRAMUNE, EPZICOM.

SHOOT FOR THE MOON! YOU MAY MISS,
BUT YOU'LL LAND IN THE STARS :)

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
 
Failure is not in falling down,
but the staying down

Offline Alain

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #7 on: October 10, 2006, 04:07:53 PM »
.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2006, 08:52:31 PM by cowandalehouse »

Offline Florida69

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2006, 04:29:03 PM »
Just putting in my two cents.  Disclosure is a trusting issue.  The issue with Muslim's is pretty much  a stereotype, not all muslims are limited on perception, however turkish people on the whole are usually pretty well educated.  This is what a friend recently told me about disclosure.  This is your business, no one else's.  This is your life no one else's.  Give yourself a chance to get to know him, before you disclose.  Disclosure in the work place can be catastrophic.  In the legal field, I will say that you have protection, but you and I both know we are all at will employee's.  Make any sense.  I am in your corner buddy.  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline AIDS2HIV

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2006, 05:05:42 PM »
i personally have never had a problem with disclosure OR peoples reaction to it. Ive learned the important things of life, and i've learned the power of my own security of self. and thats all ill say here as to not ruffle feathers...Good Luck Eric, if I can do what i do, face what i face, and still maintain a strong spirit, and remain secure with me......than anyone can, and those that cant.....thats thier loss
Its the future of Hiv Education, and Resources www.aids2hiv.com      Got Community?

Offline Eldon

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2006, 05:31:42 PM »
Hello Eric, it is Eldon.

Disclosure is something that you have to make the decision on. You are fully aware of your situation at your job. One thing I DO want to point out is your Anxiety. Anxiety can get in the way of making rational decisions. Just as the others have said, BREATHE calm down and RELAX. DO your BEST not to assume in this situation.

Get this new boss's resume and see what he is all about. Gather all of the FACTS before making your decision. Others in your employment arena already know and this is a great asset to you. In the interim I will say it again, calm down and RELAX. Please DO keep us posted on the outcome of your situation.



Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline ademas

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2006, 05:46:04 PM »
I didn't disclose at work until I absolutely had to.  I had over 17 years on the job, and I was in management, and it was a very big company.  It really didn't matter at that point, because I had the track record, and my immediate supervisor was not even in a position to fire me.  Had they fired me, I would have had an excellent lawsuit.

I'm very part-time at a local bank for 5 years now (5-8 hours per week), and I haven't disclosed to them.  HR knows something's up because they know I'm on disability, but I don't offer any information.  The manager of HR asked me once in a rather indirect way, and I just told her I was diagnosed a few years ago with a rather catastrophic illness, and that I'm doing much better, and that I hope to be able to go back to work full-time in the not-too-distant future.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

I don't give them specifics because I don't want to be treated differently, and--quite frankly--it's none of their business (as long as I'm showing up and doing good work, which I am.)

Offline Life

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2006, 05:51:49 PM »
Ever seen Mel Brooks's "High Anxiety" where he is in the park and the birds are coming to all take a giant shit on him??  That's about the level of anxiety I have right now..  I have read everyones post and am weighing all what I have to gain and what I have to loose...  I need my Clonazapam right now for sure... To bad its in the med cabinet at home...   I just found out an hour ago that my other hotel I work for that the GM who I have worked with for 18 years just gave his resignation.  He is a gay GM and we always did well together... Good Grief!!!!!   Trust me when I say, I do not make any rash decisions.  I look at the entire picture then I make my own moves.  I take all this advise very seriously.   I have not even discussed this whole topic with William as yet... Christ...  

This Turkish thing does not bother me at all related to being gay...  That corporation celebrates diversty and that would spell utter distruction to their policy if there was anything on that level.  This is strictly about HIV....   I infact when giving this new guy a tour prior to him accepting the position asked me if I was married.  I said "I am a partner".   Everyone at the hotel who means anything to me knows I am gay..  Its just this HIV thing that has fixated my brain for whatever reason....  I will go back and re-read all of this when I am better settled.  I am not going to do anything YET....

Thank you for all all of your thoughts and I will let you know how this goes if it goes anywhere..

Love to you All

« Last Edit: October 10, 2006, 06:02:50 PM by Eric »

Offline whizzer

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2006, 06:36:40 PM »
I just wonder why you have such a strong compulsion to tell him about this.  Your fixation on your HIV is  interesting.  You have personal health information, not a secret.  You are not being disingenuous or naughty by keeping that information to yourself and your family/friends.  Do you have a strong desire to confess any other health problems that you may have?

Barring any cataclysmic health events that may require me to send flowers, I really don't want to know what sort of specific health problems the people around me have, be it at work or elsewhere.  It's just not that important to me.  Nor do I think my day-to-day health issues are a big concern of theirs.  If your HIV infection becomes an issue in your job performance, then tell.  If not, what difference does it make?

OK, now to the nitty-gritty.  Are there any laws in your state that require you, as an EMT, to disclose to your HIV status to the state department of public health?  Some states require certain health providers to report their HIV status and be evaluated and their practice monitored by the board of health.  If such a thing is required of you, and you haven't done it, and if your HR department were to happen to know what the requirements are, then your disclosure to them might affect your employment.  Does your employer provide your professional liability insurance?  Is there a reporting requirement in that policy?  Is there a protocol in place to provide medical treatment and PEP in case there is an accidental exposure of a patient?  These are things you need to consider before you start on the road to full disclosure. 

And with regard to full disclosure, how far do you want to go?  Your direct boss, the company HR department?  Fellow employees?   How about the patients that you treat?

I'm not trying to make you paranoid, or to increase your anxiety, but these are things you have to consider.  There might be a lot more impact on you than you are really ready to bear. 

Go slow.  Get some legal advice, if necessary.  Make sure all your ducks are in a row and then, if you feel so compelled, tell whoever you choose.  It's your life and your virus.  Just be prepared in case you encounter individuals who might not be as accepting as those you have encountered thus far.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2006, 06:58:21 PM »
Eric, unless it's a matter of getting into the last lifeboat off of the Titanic, when in doubt don't do anything. (And I don't see this as a situation comparable to the aforementioned Titanic).

What's the rush!!!!!? If you believe in a higher power or God, you might say a little prayer and ask for help in dealing with this. Let God handle it, no kidding.

And at least for the rest of this day, turn your attention elsewhere. Read a book,listen to music, watch a movie that makes you cry or laugh,  take a walk and/or do anything else that will be enjoyable for you.

Let some time pass beyond today and see if it doesn't become clearer to about what the right direction is for you. And that right direction just might be to do nothing. Choosing that is also an action.

Really!

So now do some of that famous slow and deep breathing I advocate -- and have a good rest of the day.

Keep us posted, bud.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Moffie65

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #15 on: October 10, 2006, 07:13:54 PM »
Yes you are nuts Eric, but that is one of your most endearing qualities.

Please think long and hard about disclosing in this situation.  If in doubt, please check out some websites from Turkey, and see if you think it would be good to have this man know more about you than you know about him.  I would be very careful, and you know me; disclosure is my middle name, but my paycheck isn't coming from a corporation any more either.

Beeeee cooooool

In Love.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline carousel

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #16 on: October 10, 2006, 07:24:03 PM »
.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2007, 11:57:41 AM by carousel »

Offline Christine

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #17 on: October 10, 2006, 07:25:11 PM »
Hi Eric,
I agree with what others have posted. Take time to look at all the facts. Talking to counsel about disclosure, your EMT position are excellent ideas.

I don't think of your personal health information as "keeping a secret". You have a right in the US to your health info privacy, and you have a right to have your job protected if you are able to function within the duties of your position.

When a new manager comes on board, there will always be changes. Sometimes good, sometimes more challenging. One thing I have learned as I have gotten older, is that at times it is best to take a step back, and watch what is going on around you before making any decisions.

Big hugs to you!
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Life

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #18 on: October 10, 2006, 07:50:11 PM »
I am sitting hear taking deep breaths and wondering how the FUCK I got here?  Nothing major has changed for me.. Why is it I move in the way I move??  I need a frontal lobotomy me thinks...  I have got to learn and boy, today, this thread, I have "learnt" alot...  I am going to step back and relax as much as I can.   The new guy does not start till the 20th.   I hate when I become so protectful of my "way of life" that I do not and will not allow it to be jeopardized.   I like the notion that this is about my personal life and what the hell good is it for them to know attitude. 

As far as disclosing cuz of what I do is not a requirement as this is a very limited EMT kind of work at the hotel.  I perform only non-invasive maneuvers until the licensed paramedics arrive.  They call me a EMT but its not sanctioned as such.

Tim, I would gladly sell you my "nuts"..  I hate the taste of them even served on one of your "plates".

I have not felt this fucked up since diagnosis time.... 

Love to everyone and I apologize for my dramatics...  "I am the drama Queen today"..

Decompression time....

Offline Jnm594

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #19 on: October 10, 2006, 09:36:25 PM »
I disclose only on a need to know basis. I also live in a small town and don't want lots of tongues wagging. If someone has a right to know and asks then yes but as for offering it, nope.

Even though I have no doubt you have already done all this have you checked out any legal sites? The Body has a legal column that I have found helpful. It's in the Ask the Experts area. And I'm sure there are others or have you talked with you case worker if you have one? Or asked you doctor for input?

Hope you stayed warm last night I got about 2" of snow yesterday, Winter is a'comin!!!

And we are all entitled to be a drama queen sometimes, I just don't have the emotional energy to expend on it that I used too so keep your chin up sweetie, have a cup of hot chocolate and a steaming hot bath! ;D ;D ;D
When it gets hard I always listen to my favorite song of all time..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJEYu3KgWCE

Offline Life

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #20 on: October 10, 2006, 10:21:09 PM »
Jeff thanks...  It snowed all day here above 9,000...  Maybe its just the change in seasons, GM's, Bosses thats got me riled... I am going to put this all to the furthest backburner there is for now and let things go...  I got off the phone with William about an hour ago and he always puts things into perspective for me...  From where I was and where I am now..  He just loves me and in the end, no matter what, I am going to get through all these new found worries, feelings, emotions etc.   I asked him why he loves me so much.. And he just said "I just do and its a WE thing honey".   So I printed out this entire event and am going to let him catch up on me for today...

I think I will sleep tonight...

Love

Offline megasept

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #21 on: October 11, 2006, 12:59:44 AM »
Eric: Got to agree with whizzer.  :o You ask us why you shouldn't disclose to all, and I ask why disclose to anybody --obviously a middle ground is possible. I just have a different frame of reference.

 :-\ No matter what people may say, overwhelmingly they think we deserve a disease that is sexually transmitted, chiefly male-to-male. You won't change that fundamental attitude by disclosing your illness. You might change that attitude by being a wonderful human being who they know to be well-adjusted and homosexual. I am all for patient education and have stood up against injustice. But I don't give my enemies extra ammunition.

I think you are warm and loving, and naive. I have been discriminated against twice based on a rumor that I have HIV, once this year...But you said you wanted no "horror stories". Still you report "stressing" about all this, and I have only stressed when a victim of a rumor campaign. My actual health has never entered the employment world and I prefer it that way. That includes my arthritis. That includes broken ribs. Anything that means I am less than perfect physically. I am supposed to be nearly-perfect to qualify for new employment. I get my insurance through employment, not as part of non-existent universal healthcare (like in Europe of Canada). Insurance might save my life, along with my life's savings. Balancing that against the sin of non-disclosure, keeping "secrets", seems pretty lopsided from where I stand. I usually work blue collar trades, and maybe that gives me a different slant; I am not sure.

By the way, I worked three places as a hotel bellhop, always "out", and was a union leader. I am no wallflower.

On to the phantom new boss (who probably will learn everything through gossip alone)...

I was a little amused  ::) by the polite back and forth over what to expect from your new Turkish boss. Turks, like most Muslims aren't inclined to tolerate or respect homosexuals. On the other hand, their state is secular. On the other hand, a Turkish Mayor, elected on a Islamicist slate said in regards to transvestite prostitutes "Well, they are people too."

And my last point on this ethnic subject, is have no hard-and-fast ethnic prejudgments...Try this on for size. What if I told you I know an experienced manager, who is half-Turkish, prays, fasts for Ramadan, and is a faithful Sunni (Yes, lots of Iraqi insurgents shooting at Americans are Sunni) Muslim? That guy could be your next manager, right? Would you expect him to tolerate or love you, Eric? Honestly, I think you'd guess not. Now what if I told you and the readers of this Forum that that manager could just as well be my ex-partner (yeah, the registered Domestic type)? A real life manager of a mid-sized firm, a man who accepts his own homosexuality, and my HIV? He's fasting now, and enjoying giving generously to charity as part of Ramadan. Kind of surprising. But true. Life is often funny in a good way.

Eric, you are very open. I am quite reserved. Whatever our styles, let's all of us give everyone a chance (doubtless Eric would[/i]), while protecting everyone from discrimination in employment and society in general the best we can. -megasept  8)
« Last Edit: October 11, 2006, 01:38:20 AM by megasept »

Offline Robert

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #22 on: October 11, 2006, 01:39:55 AM »
Quote
I asked him why he loves me so much.. And he just said "I just do and its a WE thing honey"

I hope I don't sound too presumptious, Eric, but, well, I just want to make sure you know we're a part of the 'WE' too.

robert

(who just wants to take a hike anywhere where there's an aspen)
..........

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #23 on: October 11, 2006, 08:34:07 AM »
FYI, I have framed a large Turkish painting on siik of uncertain age. The scene? A male wedding.

There is a well documented history of male to male sexuality in Turkey, Sadly as well there is a history of repression of same. So it just means there's a mix of attitudes there. The same kind of hypocrisy that resulted in the detestible "don't ask, don't tell" policy in the U.S.

Ugh. When will this friggin world ever grow up about matters sexual!!!! And that's a request, not a question.

Just sayin'.....
« Last Edit: October 11, 2006, 08:40:50 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Life

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #24 on: October 11, 2006, 10:43:11 AM »
I have decided "no more disclosing about hiv in the work place" to anyone... Two people helped me get through the initial diagnosis..  Now one is gone.   End of story..  Thanks for the help yesterday...

PS... I currently work for a Turkish GM...  Its amazing how the "T" word drove a bit of this thread. 
« Last Edit: October 11, 2006, 11:08:17 AM by Eric »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #25 on: October 11, 2006, 12:44:44 PM »
Clearly you are moving ahead on your assignment for the day, Eric. ....to get on with having a great day and a wonderful life.

Go Eric, GO!
Andy Velez

Offline Iggy

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #26 on: October 11, 2006, 01:09:54 PM »
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« Last Edit: January 12, 2007, 08:21:21 PM by Iggy »

Offline Life

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #27 on: October 11, 2006, 05:28:02 PM »
Iggy, I think you really pegged it for me.. Thank you very much....


Note from Dr. Ben....

Hi Eric-

Good to hear from you. 

I generally proceed under the premise that if the individual in question doesn’t need to know about your medical history, then you don’t need to disclose.

Your status is protected by ADA and HIPAA; I’d wait to establish a working relationship with your new boss prior to determining if you have to disclose.  I suspect that the management at LN would be generally supportive, anyways.

Hope alls well,
Ben


Offline swede_dish

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #28 on: October 11, 2006, 05:42:42 PM »
I hope everything goes well, eric!

-Jenn
"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. "
-Bette Midler

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #29 on: October 11, 2006, 07:31:13 PM »
I have read what everyone has said and I do agree with some of it. When it comes to disclosure that is a very personal issue. The choice is ultimately yours. I have seen posts where people who disclosed and had good results. I am happy for them, I wished it worked that way for me. The only person who was supportive was my best friend, Max, who also happens to be gay. He just recently found out his partner is pos and when they got the news, they wanted to talk to me, which made me feel good, because even though I am not into disclosing my status, I do try to help and educate who I can.

The reason I have issues with disclosing is because just about everyone who did find out, cut me loose like I had the plague, includng my husband who I am separated from but legally still married to. A friend who got mad at me and decided to put me out there. Even family, who I thought I would get support from. Because of these circumstances, it has hurt me to be so secretive but after what I have gone through, I do no see any other choice. This skeleton for the most part has been in my closet for 9 yrs and trust me I get pissed when I have to fight off the vultures and ravens...*LOL* I would like very much to be out in the open about it and educate people on it.

But I do pride myself on being responsible. When I was sexually active, I made sure that I used condoms, refrained from oral sex (giving and receiving), etc. I have actually lost count on how long I have been celebate, I think it has been almost a year. Because of such betrayal from others, I would not even consider being with a neg, just because of the drama behind it. I have not given up on love and still thinks my Poz Prince is out there.

Just thought I would give you the opinion from someonewho has felt the negative effects of disclosing. This is not to sway you but just to enlighten you to the dark side. I wish you luck in your decision and whatever choice you make will be the right one for you.

Namaste,

Queen Akasha
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Coffeechick88

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Re: Full Blown Disclosure! Am I nuts??
« Reply #30 on: October 13, 2006, 10:45:40 AM »
Think long and hard before you do disclose.  Make sure you know this guy, the laws, and everything before you do this.  I remember when I was first infected, I was just out of high school, naive and I honestly thought that there was no stigma against HIV.  My reasoning was, it had been around 20 years so everyone must know about it and not care.  I was wrong.  I disclosed to a co worker at my job, this spread around to the boss, and she freaked out.  She wanted me to leave then and there.  I told her I didn't think she could do that.  I was ostracized and my car vandalized.  That didn't work to make me go away.  Basically I eventually was fired.  They picked an obscure rule to do it so that they could have something to pull up in case I ever sued.  I had been out sick and not gotten a doctor's note (I didn't know I had to) and they brought up a time I was 5 minutes late to do it (even though this was a time before they knew, I had called to say I was stuck in traffic and it was okayed).  So think before you do so.  People are not tolerant of us and telling the wrong people can be hazardous.  A job may do what they can to invent a reason to get rid of you.

The lesson I learned from this is to disclose only when you need to.  Right now I am up on the laws, I disclose to any one I am having sex, and I know my rights so I am better able to figt it now if it ever happens again.  I support AIDS causes but I am not one who feels the need to tell the world--I like having a normal life.

It really is up to you, but know that if you don't know all the facts or do it hastily it can lead to negative consequences.
Lucas James is here
Born 6-14-08 at 1233 am
8 lbs 14 oz, 22 in long

 


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