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Author Topic: I unknowingly had unprotected sex with an HIV+ Man (amd I am a woman)-Need help.  (Read 5041 times)

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Offline girl_so_worried

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I'm not sure where to begin but I will try to be as specific as possible as I really need your help. I am a straight woman who had been dating a guy long distance  for three months (from the middle of July to the middle of Oct). I have been friends with him for over 10 ten years and I thought I knew everything about him. I trusted him.

He called me last week and told me he tested positive for HIV. He then also admitted (the truth came out over the course of a few days) that he has sex with men (oral/anal) and with transexuals-and knowingly had unprotected sex with men he met online where he lives in SF (basically all VERY high risk behavior). He also told me he uses cocaine and that is usually when he goes online looking for sex with men. I was stunned. I am very scared and I have no friends I feel I can talk to about this. I had NO idea any of this was going on. Obviously I feel like an idiot but more than that I feel scared.

Here are the details: in three months we probably had sex 40-50 times unprotected but he pulled out and came outside of me. We had sex 5 or 6 times unprotected where he came inside me. The date of our last encounter was Oct.15th. On the 5 or 6 times he came inside me I would always get up and immediatly take a shower and sort of wash the sperm out of my vagina with the exception of one time.

It is very frustrating to try and get information online for odds of infection for an HIV- woman possibly being infected by an HIV+ man (plenty of info the other way around!).

I went to my Dr. last week and got tested for everything (Hep, STI's etc. and thankfully those all came back negative) but I did not get tested for HIV as I want to take the OraQuick test in the privacy of my own home at the three month mark (which means I am waiting until Jan. 15th). I explained all of this to my Dr. FYI, I am not having sex with anyone so nobody else is at risk.

Here are my three questions:
1.) What are the odds I am infected?
2.)Should I take the OraQuick test sooner?
3.) I understand that the average man seroconverts in 22 days but I understand it is longer for women to produce the antibodies to the virus so it takes longer to show up positive on the test. Do you know that time frame for a woman?

Please help.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?

1. How long is a piece of string? There's no way of accurately answering your question. However, as you already realise, you have had a risk and you do need to test.

2. I would recommend you test at a reputable testing center at the six week point past your last incident of unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. I do not recommend using the new home tests before the three month point.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week negative must be confirmed at the three month point, but is highly unlikely to change.

You can find a testing center near you by putting your zip code into POZ.com's Health Services Directory.

3. There is no difference between the sexes where seroconversion is concerned, and everyone will normally test positive (if actually infected) by six weeks. The three month window period currently remains at three months to catch the RARE person who takes a little longer than six weeks to produce enough antibodies to trigger a reactive test.

Again, I suggest you test at a testing center (not at home) at six weeks. Testing at a clinic is MUCH more beneficial than testing alone, at home, if you get a positive result.

Good luck. You do have a chance of testing negative - you would not be the first woman I've known of who unwittingly had multiple incidents of unprotected intercourse with a positive man but yet remained hiv negative. Even if you do test positive, it's not the end of the world and hiv is no longer a death sentence.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline girl_so_worried

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Thank you very much Ann. I appreciate it.

Andy Velez or RapidRod, do you guys have anything to add? Wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts too:)

Thank you again for all you do.

Offline RapidRod

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I have nothing to add to what Ann already advised you.

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
It amuses me to find people looking for second opinions. Of one of us misreads or misstypes a reply, it is not long before someone else comes along to correct that.

If there is no correction, then it's a safe bet that the advice is spot-on.

See, unlike other forums, we communicate with one another and make it a point to keep ourselves and each other up-to-date on the current state of the art as regards HIV transmission. We really ARE reading from the same play book here.

What you are more likely to do is to waste your free questions, and ask for someone to simply repeat what has been said. Certainly not the best use of anyone's time.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Online Andy Velez

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Girl, of course it's understandable that you are worried about your HIV status. But Ann has succinctly and thoroughly covered your situation. Testing before 6 weeks after the last unprotected incident is premature in terms of getting a meaningful and hopefully negative result.

If you test negative at 6 weeks there is a good chance you will continue to test negative at 3 months for a conclusive result.

There is a big lesson to learned for the future from this experience. Using condoms is a must for when you have vaginal or anal intercourse without any exceptions. That needs to be the rule you may find yourself  at some point in a relationship in which both partners decide to be committed and monogamous AND they both test negative at a reliable point. That's the only point at which condom use can be dispensed with.

Meantime you have to wait to test until you get to 6 weeks. Sure it's on your mind, but you need to make a real effort to focus on othe rmatters in your life. It will make the waiting time easier and yes, you can do it.

Good luck.
Andy Velez


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