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Author Topic: new member here...diagnosed in april 06  (Read 6863 times)

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Offline dingowarrior

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  • Posts: 191
new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« on: October 07, 2006, 11:46:03 PM »
hi all..where do i begin? i've been married just over a year and we just had a beautiful baby boy when my wife and i decided to get life insurance for our family.well, she was excepted and i was turned down because of abnormal blood results..we couldnt figure out why till the insurance company contacted my doctor,then my doctor called me  to come to her office. thats when i found out i tested pos.for hiv..
i thought i was going to drop dead of shock right in her office,then i had to tell my wife that the man she's been married for just over a year and the father of her child is hiv positive. it was he worst time in my life..hurting her was worst than finding out of my hiv status..she and my son had to get tested(again) immediatly.it was the longest and the hardest few days of out lifes.
well, her and my son tested negative, there were tears of joy and tears of pain in my house for a few weeks.its been so hard..fortunatly i found and great doctor, my first blood tests indicated a cd4 of 180 and viral load of 56,000..the doctor said i've had it in my system for a few years..i've never been sick or had swollen glands or experince fatigue..i dont understand(not that i want those symtoms).
he put me on truvada and sustiva, my second visit to him my viral load drop to 900 and my cd4 went up by 10 to 190..(is this good?)
this visit was back in july. my next appointment is coming up next week.my wife and i are a bit scared.this is all so new and scary to us..i know how i caught it..(lets just say i was a out alot with all kinds of people before i settled down and got married)
i'm not sure why i'm writing all this, but i guess i feel so shameful and guilty.my wife loves me and supports me and actually told me she would of still  married me if she new i was hiv pos. but i feel soooo ashamed..so guilty and soooo embarassed..i know i'm a great dad and husband, but hurting her just breaks my heart..she's so scared of losing me..as i am of dying and not being there for my son and her..(i'm actually tearing up as i type this)
my doctor says i'm responding very well to treatment and i should just plan my life,that i'm going to be ok..but i'm scared..i'm scared of my next appointment next week..should i expect good or bad news? is it inevidible that i get sick? i havent had any side effects that i've read about that tends to come with theses meds (sustiva)..
well,thats my story,sorry for all the babble and drama

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2006, 12:26:04 AM »
is it inevidible that i get sick?

hi dw: the answer to that question is a solid NO. hiv is not a guarantee that you will fall sick. reading the posts in Living With HIV will get you familiar with our stories ----- what you'll notice is we have plenty of forum members who are in good health.  science has made leaps and bounds since the 1980s; things are much brighter in this century.

........ congratlations on your marriage and  baby ....and sorr y to hear you were turned down for life insurance. we're here for you honey. do post more so we can help you. go ahead and talk about the nittygritty. we're very open/honest here. you'll notice that we learn from each other and we give each other strength.
« Last Edit: October 08, 2006, 09:28:02 AM by allopathicholistic »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2006, 10:45:35 AM »
Dingo, welcome. I'm glad you found your way here and that you have told us a lot of what has been going on.

As sad and troubled as you may feel about having unexpectedly tested poz, it's a great blessing that your wife and baby have tested negative. A huge thank goodness for that!

Along with everything else, you need to know that many thousands of couples who are sero-dystonic are having great lives together in every way including sexually while successfully protecting the status of the sero-negative partner. You two can do that as well. You must consistently use a condom everytime you have intercourse. No exceptions.

Right now the issue of HIV looms very large in your lives. And it is of course a very important issue. But gradually you're both going to come to see that it will subside into being a part of your lives and that your life together is going to continue to be good and filled with the things you have always wanted. I encourage you to keep talking as simply and directly with each other about your thoughts and feelings. That will help  you both to maintain the intimacy in your relationship in every way.

It sounds like you have found a good doctor. Developing a good working partnership with your doctor is one of the best tools you will have in staying healthy.

You're always welcome here to ask questions as well as to discuss anything that's on your mind.

That's what we're here for.

Andy Velez

Offline Teresa

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Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2006, 04:50:05 PM »

Glad you found us. I can relate alot to your story. My Hubby is HIV+ and I'm negative. We found out in May. We have been married 4 yrs. We are alot older than you (I'm guessing since u have a baby), were in our 40s.

You will find alot of love and support here. If you haven't read the Lessons here I suggest you do and have your wife read them too. I know they helped me alot!

I'm so glad that your wife and baby are negative. Sounds like you are really lucky to have a loving and supportive wife. Be there for each other and you both will be fine. Communication is the key.

If your wife ever needs to talk to someone she is more than welcome to pm me. She is welcomed here also. You both are part of a family that will always be here for you!

Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline dingowarrior

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  • Posts: 191
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2006, 05:23:47 PM »
Thanks so much for all the kind words of support, my wife and i truly appreciate any and all advice.
Teresa, we seem to be in a very similar situation..how do we go about sending you a pm.
My wife and i would like to ask you a question( if thats ok ).
thanks again to all..i feel a bit better evertime i read a response.

Offline dingowarrior

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  • Posts: 191
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2006, 05:26:08 PM »
ohhh, i'm sorry Teresa..i just figured it out..we'll be pm-ing you soon..thanks

Offline aztecan

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  • Posts: 5,517
  • 32 years positive, 60 years a pain in the butt
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2006, 10:31:35 AM »
Hey DW,
Welcome to the forums. I am glad you found your way here.

I am very happy to hear your wife and son tested negative. That is a real blessing.

All I can say is it is possible to live long and well, even with the bug. I officially tested positive more than 21 years ago, although my first doc thought I probably was infected in 1980 (a long story).

So, if nothing else, I am living proof that you needn't give up on life, on your dreams or your hopes of watching your son grow up.

Please take good care of yourself. I look forward to hearing more from you and your family.


"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Esquare

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  • Posts: 237
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2006, 12:32:52 PM »
It was tough to read your story since its so similar to mine. Thanks for giving me encouragement in my thread. My wife is a big book reader and purchased two very good ones off amazon about hiv and has read one and has started on the other and I think its really helped her. We are both muddling through this the best we can. She got a little upset this weekend because she has a new job and isn't happy and we had a little crying session about the whole combination of things. Prayer has been a big deal for us now. We have actually prayed together for the first time and its been helpful. We will be praying for you guys as well.

The one thing we have most in common is that we caught this before we got an OI. From what I am reading that is a good thing. Most married folks would never just think to go out and test for HIV right? Thankfully (as weird as it is to say that) fate intervened and we know our status in time to start going the other direction. Also, I was wild before I got married and thought I put all that behind me but it came back to get me. I hope I can get over all this mental crap and you are probably further along with that than I am. Good luck. Feel free to PM me as well.

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2006, 08:08:39 PM »
Good greif!  You have to start putting away for the college fund!!!  See him graduate, get married, have kids and oh my God, being a Grandpa... Oh what a life you get to explore together!

Welcome to AM Dingo....   Find peace in knowing there is so much support, so many experiences here that will help you through...  Chill out on your visit...   Your cd4 has increased and your vl has dropped even more.. ;)


Offline dingowarrior

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  • Posts: 191
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2006, 08:52:09 PM »
thanks Mark and Eric for your kind words of support..i feel quite comfortable exchanging posts with everyone,and it definatly helps me mentally..i'll post after my second doc. visit on thursday.
 know what you mean about the mental crap that your going threw. its only been about 6 months since i've found out and yes it definatly has gotten easier,but i still have my moments as does my wife..yes,i guess in a weird way we are fortunate that we found out when we did and have not gotten sick..i actually never felt better.starting meds is a scary thing, and when i first started (truvada+sustiva) i was scared shit! i've read all these stories of side effects and bizzare dreams, but i have to say that i HAVENT experience none of that..Correction,the first nite ,it felt like i was on a bad acid trip..very jittery and i got really warm..i couldnt sit still..and i had vivid thoughts about my wife and new baby,and i felt a 1000 pounds of guilt..my wife was next to me and just rubbed my head and it calm me down and i took a deep breath,closed my eyes and within about a half hour i fell asleep..that was a rough nite and i thought that if it happened again the following nite ,i didnt think i was going to be able to handle it..the next nite i took sustiva,i fell to sleep and nothing happened! i woke up and felt totally normal..then from then on ,everything has been fine..the only other effect i had was i started seeing white spots..nothing serious,but just discoloration..i called my doctor and he said that will pass..after a few weeks it has and i feel totally normal..a pill in the morning a pill at nite and everyting seems cool..
keep your head up brotha, if my wife and i can get over that first hurdle,you guys can too..your wife needs you,be strong for her,pray and things will brighten day by day..my wife and i actually have become closer..you appreciate thing more..
any question,dont hesitate to pm me.

Offline dingowarrior

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  • Posts: 191
Re: new member here...diagnosed in april 06
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2006, 10:12:19 PM »
oh yeah..thank you too Andy  ;D


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