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Author Topic: dating hiv poz guys with neg guys  (Read 2100 times)

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Offline verstopbottom

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dating hiv poz guys with neg guys
« on: October 20, 2012, 05:46:40 PM »
hi not sure this is good place to post this add but i need some information .  if anyone has suggestion  where i can go instead . please let me know...... here goes....i  have been poz for 15 yrs and just ended a 8yr relationship going on 2yrs......i decide to get back into dating .  i have add on poz dating website and other website that is more mainstream.  my question is when do i tell the  the guy on the mainstream site  i am hiv poz...

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: dating hiv poz guys with neg guys
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2012, 06:56:42 PM »
For me, there's usually an organic place in the relationship to tell them. If things look promising for more than a fling, it's going to find it's way to the front burner of the conversation on it's own - usually on the first few dates.

Of course, you could state your status before the first meeting, if you are so inclined.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Re: dating hiv poz guys with neg guys
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2012, 07:48:32 AM »
I find that most guys need some gentle education about what HIV is and isn't.  Memories of the 1980s have left a strong image, buttressed by the 'safe sex' mania that many agencies engage in to retain funding.  It's created a stigma in the gay community that is hard to 'update.' 

Having said that, I no longer tell anyone or advertise up front.  Ignorance results in a knee-jerk reaction.  I always wait until the person decided they *like* me, and they begin to allow compassion and *interest* dictate the terms and direction of the conversation.  Only then can they hear what you are saying. 

My partner is negative, and cared enough to do some research when i told him.  We are still together, and I expect we will be together for a long time.  Many of our friends are sero-discordant couples.  We seem to 'find' each other...we are a different breed, if you will: a subculture of a subculture...


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