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Author Topic: MY STORY  (Read 1759 times)

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Offline ben1234

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« on: October 12, 2012, 03:49:23 PM »
Here is my story before you judge me please remember I am doing this for the benefit of others …..
I am a heterosexual uncircumcised male who has suffered from the occasional genital herpes & lesions for the past 15 years in late 2007 had what can only be described as a mental break down due to a failed business to the tune of several million dollars and subsequent bankruptcy. The most devastating thing was to follow with the loss of my wife, son& two daughters through a car accident  which left me completely devastated.  After a number of very traumatic months I was encouraged by friends to take up a job offer in Nigeria which required me to travel to the Middle East and other parts of Africa, Europe and Asia on a frequent basis. My  job afforded me to live an extremely affluent lifestyle which (ashamed to admit it) took the extracurricular  form of sleeping with several women mainly prostitutes in countries as diverse as Nigeria, Cameroon, Dubai, Angola,Vietnam & the Ukraine . Note that several of these countries have a high prevalence of HIV especially amongst sex workers. In fact I have it from an extremely good source (Senior CID Official)that 1 out of 5 prostitutes from Africa when arrested in Dubai are found to be HIV + from their required blood samples.   I have estimated that during 2008, 2009, 2010 & 2011  I slept with in excess of 100 prostitutes of which I NEVER used a condom.  Yes looking back it is obvious that I had a death wish but at the time HIV was not a concern and seldom entered my mind.
All my encounters were one night stands with one exception being a Ukrainian girl I met and “dated” for approximately three weeks and slept with seven times three of which involved anal sex. I later found out that she was HIV positive as she applied for a job in Kuwait and was refused a visa on medical grounds. She was my last sexual partner ( September 2011)
I resigned from my job in January 2012 and have moved to a Caribbean Island to “retire” I am 33 years old. In march of this year I met a wonderful woman who I have grown extremely fond of and am committed to making another go of having a family. However as she is relatively younger  than me (24) and from a very traditional religious back ground sex before marriage is completely out of the question.
Three weeks ago I proposed to her and she accepted. However the same day I proposed I was also notified of my Ukrainian ex testing positive ! That resulted in a realisation that I most probably was also infected and worst still was most probably the person who infected her.
I immediately flew home to my family doctor to take an HIV test as the Cayman’s is too small a place to do such a thing as although unlikely a positive test result could soon “leak” out to my new friends and worst still my fiancés family !
I spoke to my family doctor who is a great guy and explained my predicament. He told me that my case was EXTREME and the chances of me being positive was not certain but highly probable. I was told the results would take 2 days  and that I should brace myself for the worst as I had several symptoms which could be explained as HIV related even during the so called asymptomatic stage . He also queried me if I had experienced any illnesses of the last three years that could be classified as ARS.
Looking back there were three illnesses that did fit into the ARS category namely a rash , swollen lymph nodes ,headache but no distinct fever. The rash I experienced was located in my right armpit and nowhere else although there was the odd localised rash on my back.
I also was recently diagnosed with two Oral papilloma’s on  and next two my uvula. A significant marker for HIV infection according to HIV specialists. Along with several swollen lymph nodes in my axilla region and some nail manifestations also indicative of HIV infection.  I have also experinced severe perennial psoriasis ( anus and butt crack) the worst I have ever had. Another HIV infection marker.
I received my results a few days ago. My HIV results, Hep etc are ALL Negative !!!!!
The reason I wrote this was not to condone my behaviours but to hopefully relieve those who are stressed particularly those who are in emotional turmoil from a recent one night stand. What I did over the last few years is shameful something I have only recently come to terms with but after  receiving my results my psoriasis has begun to clear up even my nails. The point is worrying can have as much an effect on your body than HIV itself which means that getting tested is the only way for peace of mind. Not knowing your status could cause a myriad of issues.
I spoke to my doctor and he said the most likely reason I didn’t get infected was the fact that the majority of my “exposures” were just a one night stand as opposed to a full on relationship with the exception being the poor Ukrainian girl. 
Today I start my new life with my fiancé and my past is now just that : My Past. 
Please do not interpret this as condoning one night stands without condoms as this is not my intention. Merely to give some relief to those awaiting results and to point out I was EXTREMELY lucky but from my experience at least HIV does not appear to be that easy to catch.  Knowing your status and that of your partners is and will always be the key to mental and psychological well-being.

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2012, 04:08:28 PM »
A) Mazel Tov on your new relationship.

B) Your doctor was right about HIV being significantly harder to transmit from female to male.

But do you know what's better than "one night stands" as opposed to "relationships" in order to prevent HIV.


C) Also, if these girls didn't have herpes before you, many of them are likely to have it now. Not a judgment, an observation. Having disregard for one's own life after a series of terribly traumatic events is understandable. Showing disregard for other people's lives, yes even prostitutes, is decidedly less so.

Finally, knowing YOUR status is all you need to do. ASSUME the other partner is positive and play accordingly, as many infected people don't know their status. As someone who was afraid to tst because of living in a small community, you surely understand that fear.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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