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Author Topic: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?  (Read 3825 times)

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Offline tornbutnotbroken

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  • Posts: 6
Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« on: October 01, 2012, 10:18:15 PM »
Positive for the past 4 years ...but the last year 1/2 has been the worst
I'VE lost some friends ...and the one friend I though I had recently had a baby and her
Husband does not approve of me being around his newborn (she was supposed to
be my godchild) oh well.My family is there for me but every time I'm around
They give me this look of disappointmentand that "I'm so sorry for her look "

I've never felt so lonely in my life..my spirits are as high as I
Can get them..I'm in this relationship with someone that
is never there for me emotionally or much of anything elseI I think I
hang on there with him because I'm afraid of being absolutely alone
They say HIV is no longer a death sentence but it has killed my spirit and energy


Offline emeraldize

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  • Posts: 3,398
Re: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2012, 10:51:18 PM »
Welcome Torn,

It does seem as if it never ends. That had to sting that your friend's husband doesn't want you near the baby. Perhaps over time he'll get some education and get past his fear.

Have you considered how unhealthy it is to stay with a man whom you say is distant just because you don't want to be alone? It's unhealthy for both of you actually.

You might discover the splendid clarity and strength, even enjoyment, that comes with being on your own--can you swing it economically? If that is not a factor in your decision to stay then why not liberate yourself and him. That way, each of you is free to find the person with whom you might love instead of merely tolerate.

Positive may not be forever if folks keep progressing on research. But since it looks like it's got a long future, your best shot at success is to work on the loneliness issue.


Offline lovelove

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2012, 11:13:08 PM »
Hi There!

Please leave the guy you are with.  My boyfriend is positive and prior to meeting me he was in a relationship with someone that treated him badly.  If it wasnt for his strength to leave that bad relationship we would have never met.  I am so glad that he left that woman because he opened the door for an opportunity for us to meet.  I am not sure who you believe in as your higher power but you will find that when you step out of faith and believe in what seems to be the impossible your wildest dreams will come true.  I am sooooo happy with my man and I know he is happy with me as well.  We found true love and you can too.  There are people out there that can see beyond an HIV+ status. I am a believer that those who seek to mistreat or alienate people who have a illness whether it be cancer, HIV or diabetes are ignorant. The reality of it is we are all people and we all deserve love.  I personally was not educated on HIV when I met my boyfriend.  The last thing I learned about HIV was back when I was in school.  But his honesty about his status and my open mind moved me to give us a chance.  Early on he immediately took me to his doctor after he advised me to do my own research so that I could ask questions and learn about his medical history and how HIV has affected him personally. 

I believe in you and know that you can be strong and stand up for yourself.  As for your friend whose husband doesnt want you around their newborn, you ahve to pray for them and there mishaps because he too will be judged by the measure that he judges others.  I am sending yu a big hug and pray for you to remain strong.  Yu can do this and you are not alone.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2012, 11:14:43 PM by lovelove »

Offline tornbutnotbroken

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2012, 05:19:57 PM »
I thank you both for listening ..and I took those suggestions to heart
First I started with my Boyfriend and after a much needed conversation
We've decided to remain friends as he looks for a place to stay.
I have to say we have been talking much more since then
Actually went out to dinner first time in 3months.

I will say I'm scared as heck when he leaves.
So I'm trying to work on staying positive!

Hopefully I can find a support group in my area ..
That would really help


Offline emeraldize

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  • Posts: 3,398
Re: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2012, 08:23:43 PM »
Congratulations on moving forward, rather swiftly!

You had dinner, too?

This is looking up for both of you. Torn but not Forlorn either!

Offline mitch777

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  • Posts: 4,087
Re: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2012, 08:36:43 PM »

welcome and just know that you will have support from these forums.

i have been HIV+ for 30 years now and my only advice for you is to live your life for yourself and those who love you.
it's not always easy but it gets better with practice.

33 years hiv+ with a curtsy.

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,138
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2012, 11:37:34 AM »
Hey Mitch, I understand you mean well, but as a man, you are not permitted to post in the Woman's forum. Thanks for your understanding and cooperation.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline LivingFree1989

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  • Posts: 27
Re: Positive and Lonely ..is it always gonna be like this?
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2012, 02:34:53 PM »
Lets see I have been positive for 4 years going on 5. I felt lonely in the beginning. Had a relationship with someone for just about as long as I was positive. After a while I began to notice that he just stayed because he pitied me. He stop being intimate and I felt similar to how you felt. Now I have found the strength to leave him since he would never leave me due to my earning potential, it feels great. I have to say there is hope. Everyone is not accepting this is true but there is a percentage of men who are, the one that was put here for you will find you. He can't if you stay in the current relationship. I see that you say that you will remain friends while he looks for housing. I hope it works out..I live with my ex until November and it is quite challenging. As far as your friend, I am sorry for her husband's ignorance. You can make great friends who understand and love you regardless of your medical history. I have sent up a prayer for you. Stay encouraged we can definitely do this.


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