Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 24, 2017, 10:22:53 AM

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Posts: 722750
  • Total Topics: 58741
  • Online Today: 327
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 AM)
Users Online


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all POZ pages, including our "HIV Transmission and Risks" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" basics, will remain accessible to all.

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: I wish I knew, now it's too late.  (Read 2014 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline needtoknowstill

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
I wish I knew, now it's too late.
« on: September 17, 2012, 09:17:50 AM »
I'm not sure which forum to post in so I'll put it here.

I found out my boyfriend of 9 months had HIV after he died suddenly(not related to his status).  Turns out he was seeing other people also  :-[

I took my test after 5 weeks after our last time together and was negative.  Now I'm waiting for the 3 month mark to test again (October).  He never told me about his status. What I need to know in my head is what was he thinking?!??!?!?!  I know the only person who knows is him, but since he is dead I only can turn to you guys and gals for some enlightenment.

We always used protection, except for oral sex.  He was also so careful with using condoms and I never knew why? I always thought he didn't want to get me pregnant.  We had unprotected once very early on in our relationship and another time the condom was 'lost' in me for a a minute.  I know being tested negative at 5 weeks is a good sign, but not conclusive.

I feel that it was very selfish of him to not tell me and to top it off he was a cheater and lied to me and the other women he was seeing.  I just wanted to vent and share my despair.  One thing I have learned about this experience is to always go in and get tested with your parnters if you guys decide to have sex. I don't I can ever trust anyone and what they tell you after this experience.  I did ask him if he had any STDs and he said no, of course that was after our clothes were off.  So get tested TOGETHER before any action takes place and with your clothes on.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,138
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I wish I knew, now it's too late.
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2012, 10:03:47 AM »

I've moved your thread into the Am I Infected forum, which is the most appropriate place for you to post. The Off Topic forum is for subjects that have nothing to do with hiv and as someone who has not been diagnosed as hiv positive, you are not permitted to post in the other sections of these forums.

As you always used condoms for intercourse, you weren't at risk for hiv infection. The time the condom was "lost", it most likely came off during withdrawal, which is not a risk.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A five or six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point - when there has actually been a risk. You haven't had a risk.

With that five week negative you have, you are highly unlikely to go on to test positive if you decide to confirm at the three month point. Besides, you didn't have a risk because you used condoms.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

While it may be too late for you to get answers concerning your boyfriend's behaviour (and it's not our place to speculate as to why he behaved as he did), it's not too late for you to remain hiv negative. Keep using condoms.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!


Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2017 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.