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Author Topic: Stupid Me.... I hope this helps  (Read 1344 times)

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Offline LessonLearned_Tom

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Stupid Me.... I hope this helps
« on: August 16, 2012, 11:34:01 AM »
Hello all.  I would like to share my HIV experience with those people
who are on this board trying to figure out if they have acquired this
virus and hopefully give some kind of light to those who are in a dark
period right now. I was in the same situation you are in. Afraid,
Disappointed, Worried, Ashamed, All Of That Stuff.   I am a male that
was happily involved with a female I met out and about. Things were so
good we spent all a lot of time together and ended up becoming
sexually involved. Now I am a somewhat a careful person as I have
slipped up in the past and promised myself NEVER AGAIN. Stupid me.
But anyways I would always protect myself whenever me and the female
would have intercourse both vaginal and anal.  I asked this female on
2 separate occasions if she ever had any type of STDs, if she went to
doctors for tests, ex. exc. I was told by her she did have a STD one
time but it was years ago and she got it cleared up as soon as she
found out. Letís just say I now know that you can NEVER take
somebodyís word when it comes to this situation, again STUPID ME. One
night I slipped up and had unprotected vaginal sex (for a long time)
with the said female. But after we spoke about STDs and check ups I
didnít think anything of it but at the same time I knew not to make
that decision anymore.    Fast forward to Valentines Day 2012.
Wonderful evening and we end up in a hotel room. After having some
shots me and the female end up hooking up as we normally do, but I let
the alcohol get the best of me. Again stupid me. Now while we are
doing whatever I decided to have sex with this girl but I entered with
noooo protection (very brief though). SMH. As im doing this I stop and
realize what im doing after a few seconds and pull out. I donít know
why but something told me to ask her if I could trust her to not wear
a condom. and the answer I got was NO..............which made me
freak.......so im asking this girl over and over again why not and
sheís not saying anything, so I decided to start guessing. I asked her
if she had something and she just shook her head yes and im going down
the list and once I get to HIV she just shook her head yes and started
crying. I panicked and ended up fainting. After I came to... I was
enraged and ready to kill this chick, I wonít discuss any details, but
it wasnít good. I then realized that I couldnít be madder at her then
myself because I was the one who chose to make that decision to have
unprotected sex. I went to the hospital to get PEP treatment and after
sitting and waiting for 2 hours I was told they did not offer the
treatment which I thought was weird but whatever.

        After being discouraged and not knowing what to do I just decided to
go home and lay down as I was sooo stressed out. I visited a clinic to
get tested but where I live they only did testing once a week on a
specific day. So rather then wait I decided to order a Home access
test (1 week after risk) plus I wanted to know for myself before any
doctor gave me bad news. I started looking on the internet for signs
and symptoms which made everything worse. Everything I read about I
eventually thought I was going through. 21 days after the situation I
was running a slight fever (a little bit past 99.2) and throwing up.
Parts of my body were going numb. I thought my lymph nodes were swollen. I couldnít sleep, I was having night
sweats, no appetite, and I was seeing rashes on parts of my body. It
was bad. I had no one to talk to. I was all alone. I would go to work
and the only thing I would do all day was look up symptoms and read
boards and forums like this. I was obsessed. All of my work was
affected. At the 28 day mark I decided to take another home access
test and results came back negative. But that was only 28 days so I
was not satisfied. I was still having my same symptoms. Finally after
2 1/2 months and my 5th home access test I was satisfied with the
results. I am letting u know from experience, if you feel u might have
messed around and got this virus every single symptom u see on the
internet you are going to feel like you have. I felt like I had them
all. In my mind I was HIV positive. DO NOT LOOK FOR SYMPTOMS ON THE
INTERNET! You WILL make yourself sick
.  I ended up testing again
around the 5th month mark and again I tested negative.

        I just wanted to share my story with those out there thatís going
through what I went through. I will never make this mistake again. I
will make sure before I even consider having unprotected sex with
another female that I see her results for myself, or we go get tested
together. Believe it or not I still maintain a friendship with the
female who caused this for me. I know what she did was really messed
up but if anything I feel she needs friends and people in her corner
instead of not having anybody. We are definatly not sexually involved
anymore though.  I hope this helps and remember ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS


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