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Author Topic: The guy I'm seeing has HIV  (Read 3422 times)

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Offline simplepaperman

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The guy I'm seeing has HIV
« on: April 15, 2012, 02:31:23 am »
Hey there!

I've been lurking around here for the past week. I've just been trying to educate myself about what it means to have HIV and how can one be "safer" when it comes to being sexually active with someone else.

Knowledge is power, no?

The reason behind all this is because of a guy I've been seeing for sometime now. We're very casual still, but I can't deny that I like him a lot. Very early on, he disclosed his status to me and it felt good to be trusted. It also left me with a huge desire to learn more about the virus and what I could be possibly getting myself into.

We're really honest with each other. That's something I really like. I've been sexually active with him, only recently began having actual sex, and I just wanted to how I can be safer with him.

Thanks a billion.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: The guy I'm seeing has HIV
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2012, 02:57:36 am »
Knowledge is indeed power. And before the uneducated masses get to you, I wanted to be clear:

Use a condom for penetrative anal sex and there's nothing at all to worry about.

If your partner is on meds and has an undetectable viral load, then the occasional ( probably inevitable) condom slip / forgetful will be fine.

It's great to be trusted. It's great to love someone enough to do the legwork and research the thing. You sir. might well be the bomb.

I feels good to be trusted. It feels good to be loved. Best of luck to you two.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline MarkB

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Re: The guy I'm seeing has HIV
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2012, 03:49:48 am »
Hi simplepaperman and welcome.

It's great that you are educating yourself about HIV, and that your friend has been honest and open with you. If you haven't had a chance to look through our 'About HIV/AIDS' section (see above), you will find a wealth of information there which will, I'm sure, be extremely helpful to you: perhaps to both of you.

As jkinatl2 has said, it is essential that you use condoms whenever you engage in penetrative anal sex - no exceptions. It really is that simple. The reason for this is that even if your friend is on meds and has a viral load which clinics refer to as 'undetectable', that does not mean that you can afford to be casual or occasionally forgetful about the use of condoms, because low risk is not the same as no risk. But that should not deter you from a full and loving relationship.

Why not let us know a bit more about what he has told you? Is he currently on medication? And, if there is anything in our information section which is unclear to you, don't hesitate to ask - there are some very wise and knowledgeable people on this site.

Best wishes,


Offline Ann

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Re: The guy I'm seeing has HIV
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2012, 07:21:10 am »
As the others have said, use condoms for anal intercourse and you'll be just fine where hiv is concerned.

You might want to go and have a complete sexual health check up yourself - you should be doing this at least once a year anyway. This way if you do happen to be poz yourself, you'll know it wasn't from him.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


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