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Author Topic: What would you do?  (Read 1442 times)

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Offline wolfter

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What would you do?
« on: February 25, 2012, 05:09:10 PM »
Since we’re all here for basic support, I’m hoping for a little feedback that can/will affect my immediate future.  I’ve had a situation that I’m stubbornly refusing to back down on.
Most know that I work off  “the books” at our local VFW post.  This is mostly because my brother is the Commander and oversees the entire post. 

I always keep in mind that I also represent him in my duties and try to make sure that I glorify him instead of distracting.

Last weekend I had a situation where a  full service member got totally drunk and decided to take his ignorance out towards me.  He told a new member that they should avoid me because I’m a queer.   I’m certain he thought I couldn’t hear him but I did.  At that point, I was a customer setting on the other side of the bar.

I got in his face and asked him if he ever had his ass kicked by a faggot.  I was a tad overboard, but I was pissed.  He just sat there with his stupid look even when I called him a coward bitch. 

Since he is a full member, he decided to write me up.  I was wtf!  I was told if I apologize to him, it would be dismissed.  If not, I have to appear in front of the house committee for them to hear the grievance. 

So now I’m torn between not wanting to hurt my brother’s reputation and still wanting to smash that idiot’s face with all I have.  I really don’t see how I can apologize just because he has “status”.  I have until Thursday to decide.  At that point the house committee determines the end result.

Is this one of those freaking moments in life where you just have to stand up and say ENOUGH? 

Sorry for the length of this post.

Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: What would you do?
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2012, 05:47:02 PM »
I say consult your brother and ask him how he wants you to play it.  I say this because: 1.)  you've already stood your ground, but 2.)  you are there - and getting money off the books - due to your brother's good graces.  Pushing it further could end up hassle for the both of you.

I would explain the exact situation to your brother, and if he approves explain your position in detail before this committee.  He ought to have to apologize to you as well, but given the circumstances you may just have to eat it.

I'm also wondering - given the alcohol involved - just how over the top "over the top" really was.

Of course, there is always the option of waiting for him to leave and kicking his ass in the parking lot.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: What would you do?
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2012, 06:08:25 PM »
What Tim said is great advice . The only thing I might add is it never hurts to apologise if you think you might have not handled the situation as well as you could have . I probably would have said the same thing you did so I'm not judging you for it . If it happened to me and I had reacted the way you did I think that later on I would have wished that I had just confronted him without threatening him . I rarely lose my temper but homophobic crap like that would probably send me over the edge these days too .   
« Last Edit: February 25, 2012, 06:24:41 PM by jg1962 »
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Offline WillyWump

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2012, 06:22:14 PM »
I think it really all hinges on whether this committee knows your brother is paying you off the books, If not (as T mentions) I would prolly apologize and hope it goes away to avoid issues for your bother AND you.

Yes it sucks and the dude is a bigot, but if you need the money why put your financial well being in danger.

Or you can quit and kick the guys ass.

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Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: What would you do?
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2012, 06:48:13 PM »
Greg, you've been given some real sound advice here, (I would have kicked his ass) or took him outside, and got into his face, eye-ball to eye-ball, and ask him "hey you got a fucking problem with me" ( this usually works the 1st time for me),

let's take this outside and settle it NOW , yeah you should discuss this with your brother, maybe he'll see your point of view (Blood is always thicker than water) , he may not even remember any of it the next time you see this fool, if he was that drunk......just saying  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: What would you do?
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2012, 11:33:15 AM »
If your job is in danger, apologize to the asshole and just remember he's a asshole.
Why should you suffer dire consequences and pay the price?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline wolfter

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Re: What would you do?
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2012, 02:22:33 PM »
Thanks for all the great advice guys.  The situation is already dealt with and over.  You'd think this being a veterans' club, they'd be more homophobic, but I got support from the senior members.

Based on the witnesses, they agreed that I had every right to call him on his BS.  Several agreed they would have taken it a step further.  So I won't have to address it in committee and they're also issuing a sanction to the person who made these comments.  It's unbecoming behavior for any member to act in this manner. 

Now that I have stressed over it for this long, I'll probably keep my temper in check and handle future events differently.  I seldom have temper issues these days, but they happen from time to time.  I'm actually pretty good at kicking ass using my brain also.  But I do look forward to the day I run into the idiot away from this place.  :o

Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.


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