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Author Topic: Things are changing.  (Read 3154 times)

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Offline Mouse

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,463
  • Om nom nom.
Things are changing.
« on: September 25, 2006, 02:42:15 AM »
But, change can be good.

I learned something tonight that I think I had to learn. It's funny to me because the entire time I spent stressing about my options, the more I realized how the choice is so obvious - because no matter what I have to choose what is right for me, and sometimes choices like that can show you so much about other people.

I don't know if anybody has seen the movie 'The Lion King'. It's a Disney movie about a lion named Simba, he's the son of the 'king' lion and stuff. One day his father dies and his death is blamed on Simba. So, he runs away, and grows up, and lives this careful life with this meerkat and warthog and basically doesn't care about anything. He feels like everything bad that happened back at home was his fault, and he can't change anything, so there's no point in facing it or trying to.

One day he is walking around, and he sees this baboon named Rafiki who is pretty wise and carries a walking stick around. Rafiki lives where Simba used to live, and used to be his father's advisor. In a roundabout way he sort of tells Simba he needs to go back home and face his past, but Simba refuses to, telling him 'you can't change the past'.

So, Rafiki takes his stick and smacks Simba upside the head with it. And Simba winces and goes, "Ow! That hurt!" Rafiki replies, "Yes. The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it - or learn from it." So he swings his stick at Simba again, but he ducks that time.

It's my favorite part of the movie, and I feel like I can relate to it right now. My mom is an alcoholic, she's always been, I was just never able to face it, or comprehend it, or something. I'm working on it now. I'm confronting her about it. I'm not letting her make me lose out on being happy because she is unhappy. And furthermore, it's not my fault she is the way she is. I'm not letting her drag me down.

I've been sick, so I haven't been to school for a while. Want to know something else? I'm not going back to my school when I feel better, either. I'm switching. I'm going to a better school, whether my mom cooperates or not. If she doesn't want to put herself out to take me to school twice a week, then that obviously says a lot about the sense of responsibility she feels towards me. It'd hardly be an inconvinenance. She'd have to drink less at night so she wouldn't have as much of a hangover in the morning so she could drive me to school. But she doesn't want to do that.

So, I guess she loses out on having her son around. Maybe she'll change, I don't know. But I can't worry about everybody else with this anymore. It's school. My school. My education. The difference between me being depressed or not. I can't be depressed just because of her. I don't deserve it. I'm a pretty decent kid, I think.

So, that's it right now. I feel better already, emotionally, now that I feel sort of secure in my decision for once. I'm doing what's good for me, and whether my mom wants what's good for me or not doesn't matter. If she wants to help me and work with me and support me I'll be ecstatic. Best possible outcome ever. But if not, it's not my fault, and I won't feel guilty about it.

Offline frenchpat

  • Member
  • Posts: 519
  • Love your friends, don't eat them.
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2006, 02:52:20 AM »
Bonjour Mouse,

I just read your post. I always read them.
From what I read, you are a great human being.

((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))))

Pat (who's rushing out of the house to go meet his doc, a 3 hour ride)

People have the power - Patti Smith

Offline eirin

  • Member
  • Posts: 80
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2006, 03:42:54 AM »
Dear Jaser,

Great that you are making the decision to choose for yourself!

Yes, it can be painful to confront the past, but as you say it can be a very valuable learning experience.

Hopefully your mother will "wake up" when she realizes you are serious about this, and let's hope she learns from it as well!

Big hugs to you for being so brave!


Offline IzPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2006, 06:35:18 AM »

You are wise beyond your years.  I applaud you for taking control of your life.  I certainly hope that things work out in your favor, though it will be a bumpy ride.

Fasten your seatbelt, my friend.

Lots of good thoughts going your way.  I hope you are feeling better soon.

The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2006, 06:58:30 AM »

Not unlike Simba; part of growing up and becoming a man is taking on the responsibility for our own lives.  In this Post, you have shown that you are well capable of taking on this responsibility and you will be for the rest of your life.  Good for you Jaser, I applaud your maturity, I support you in this decision, and I am saddened by the fact that you have to live with alcohol, even though you are not the one that is hooked on it.  Lift yourself above the fray and stand tall my little man, you are one hell of an example for modern youth, and with all that has gone on in your life lately, you still are showing a bright and optimistic view of the world.  Walk on my friend, you will be surprised at the results of your decisions.

In Love and Support.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Merlin

  • Member
  • Posts: 642
  • As My WILL, So MOTE It Be !
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2006, 07:32:48 AM »

And as your will, so shall it be. Blessed Be! :)
I'll leave Hatred to those not strong enough to Love.


Believe & The Power Of The Mind Transforms.
Make It Happen...


I blame them for nothing.
I forgive them for everything.

---->> Mary J. Blige on dysfuctional parents

Offline Lisa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,240
  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2006, 08:31:42 AM »
Bravo kiddo!! I am heartened to see you finally realize that you must take charge of your own destiny.
You are absolutely NOT responsible for your mom's issues.
You go boy !!!

[attachment deleted by admin]
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #7 on: September 25, 2006, 08:48:00 AM »
Good for you... Hopefully she'll be inspired in the process!!  8)

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,935
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #8 on: September 25, 2006, 09:46:01 AM »
Good for you Jaser that you are trying as always to keep up your studies and not let your mother's issues interfere...I know family problems can be crippling but here you are rising above them...Someday your studies will lead to a great career and you will have your own pad (Jaser's place) and money and a life of your own !!!

Keep on truckin' little guy !!!

Jody  ;)
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,126
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2006, 10:36:34 AM »
My courageous Little fellow,

I applaud your strength and the will to overcome all obstacles in life.
You are one strong soul.

But, it is always nice to receive some good energy on the way.
Sending you a warm hug and I am proud of you, very proud.

Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Kivexa (Epzicom),Tivicay once daily.

Switching to Viramune, Isentress and Emtriva

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,670
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2006, 12:20:38 PM »

You are a great kid, I wish I could drive you to school every day!   I'd be honored to.    I'm glad you're moving onward and upward, and not letting your mother's problems interfere with what's best for YOU.

love & hugs,

Alan   :-*
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,489
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2006, 06:25:56 PM »
Hi Jaser,

I've read all your posts already, and especially from this last one, you are obviously an intelligent young man. I'm sorry you have to go thru all of this ( I've been in an alcoholic home a good part of my adolescence), I know how hard it can be. But I know you have what it takes to rise above it! I too, wish I could drive you to school, or do more than just offer support here. Feel better buddy.

infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Alain

  • Member
  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2006, 07:07:23 PM »
« Last Edit: November 03, 2006, 09:24:53 PM by cowandalehouse »

Offline fearless

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,191
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2006, 07:53:37 PM »
Good on you Squeak.
Hope you feel better soon, too.

Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,517
  • 32 years positive, 60 years a pain in the butt
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2006, 07:59:04 PM »
Hey Jaser,
You are one courageous young man and I am proud of you. I know this hasn't been an easy thing to live, any more than this was an easy decision for you to make.

You are what I call survivor material, because you will take whatever life throws at you and deal with it the best you can. That is how people manage to survive and even thriver, whether it is HIV or other aspects of life.

Onward and upward.


"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: Things are changing.
« Reply #15 on: September 26, 2006, 12:15:47 AM »
Hello Jaser,

Everyone else has pretty much said it clearly. Focus on your education, and your health. Stand tall and move forward in your life. The past can hurt. Take whatever it is that is positive out of the negative and apply those positives into your daily life.

I wish you well with working with your mom and her situation.

Have the BEST Day!


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