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Author Topic: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise  (Read 3241 times)

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Offline hussy_24

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Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« on: September 23, 2006, 08:30:36 AM »
Hi, i'm 24 male from the UK, was diagnosed with HIV on 11/09/2006,  for the first week kept crying and having panic attacks, couldnt get it out of my head, reading websites didnt help at all they all had the same generic pessimistic information. i started to get a grip on things only after  i found these forums, been browsing for the last few days. i am surprised how fast i have been able to "get over it" actually. i have the forums bookmarked too lol, every day i check the clinical trials section on therapeutic vaccines living in hope lol.

i have to see the HIV specialist on 16/10/06 (was supposed to go on 15/9, then 25/9, then 12/10 but the clinic kept cancelling and rearranging appointments.....)

Right now i'm confused as to the impact HIV has on my sex life (i'm bi btw). i didnt realise before, but sex and the intimacy involved is a huge part of me, and after a week or so of reading other websites i became very depressed because it seemed i would need to use condoms or dams for practically everything except kissing, after reading a few posts here i got the impression that wasnt the case at all, so unless i am misunderstanding, i'l ask some more direct questions and would be grateful to receive response:

i perform oral sex on a man/woman ---> do they need to wear condom/dam?
a man/woman perform oral sex on me ---> do i need to wear a condom?


Offline IzPoz

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  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2006, 09:05:48 AM »

Welcome to the forums.  Sorry to hear of your diagnosis.  It can be a struggle at times to absorb.  Just grab the bull by the horns and move on.  It's a life changing event, not a life ending.... Always remember that.

With that said, I will leave it up to the others who seem to have more knowledge than me to answer your questions.  I don't like giving wrong answers and being called out... so will leave it up to the gurus here :)  (even though I'm no newbie at this HIV thing).

Take care of yourself, and hope you find the comfort you seek :)
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline newt

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2006, 11:43:39 AM »
Seriously, I have never met anyone who was really into oral sex with dams/condoms, HIV or no.  It's so very low risk, I mean minuscule, either way. (I am sure there are people into oral + condoms etc, but there's plenty who ain;t ;))

The big variables will be viral load, like if yours in in the millions that might be a consideration, and other STIs, which increase the chance of transmission, but a healthy set of equipment and modest viral load, like most people have after the initial phase of infection, no cause for concern in my book.

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Ann

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2006, 11:58:14 AM »
Hi Hussy, welcome to the forums.

Just to add on to Matt's sage words, there is no danger whatsoever of you going down on another person. Saliva is not infectious.

You might want to read through our HIV Transmission Lesson and feel free to come back with more transmission related questions if you have them. When you're reading that lesson, take note of what's said about the serodiscordant couple studies. In the couples who used condoms for intercourse but no barriers for any type of oral, not one of the negative partners became infected. NOT ONE! This show us that condoms work and oral is much, much, MUCH less risky that was previously assumed.


Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2006, 12:15:20 PM »
Welcome Hussy...

I think you will find in time that your sex life is very far from over...  Whooo hooo! ;D

Offline Rightbrain

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2006, 01:53:25 PM »

I agree with Newt.  Viral load is important.  I was infected from giving head but the guy had been off meds for 6 months and had a ligh VL.  I also tend to bite my cheeks a lot.  It's probably not a concern if you have a low VL.

brother joe
If there's a cure I hope I can have all the leftover Sustiva.

Offline poobear

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2006, 03:20:02 PM »
Hi Hussy,
  Welcome!!  I can only give you my experience.  I am female and currently in a relationship with a female.  I am POZ she is Neg.  We do not use dental dams on either side.  She gets tested every year.  If we use toys we wipe them off with a germacidal before other one usese.  And we have been together for 10 years.  Again welcome and hope to see you around.  Rachel

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2006, 03:31:48 PM »
« Last Edit: September 23, 2006, 05:38:30 PM by DingoBoi »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2006, 04:41:35 PM »
Hus, right now HIV in your life may feel overwhelming and all encompassing. That's going to change. Really. Remember, this is very, very new to you -- not even two weeks since you received your diagnosis.

You need to give yourself time to get adjusted to it. Gradually you are going to see that it's important but by no means all that your life will be about sexually or otherwise.

Most importantly right now is that you have a good doctor who will monitor your stats and work in a good partnership with you to keep you healthy.

Depending on where you are living there are likely HIV/AIDS service organizations where you can find professional support in dealing with some of your concerns, both individually and in groups with others who are HIV+.

You're always welcome here to ask questions and to continue to discuss whatever is on your mind. As you can already tell you will find other members to be informed and informed.

You've come to the right place. Welcome!

Andy Velez

Offline Eldon

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2006, 05:33:55 PM »
Hello Hussy, it is Eldon.

I wanted to just take a moment to extend to you a warm WELCOME to the forums. as you have already seen from browsing our site, there is a lot of information here and there are people who are listening and answering questions relating to topics on HIV/AIDS.

Here you will find encouragement, understanding, communication, support, some cries, some laughter, as an excellent way to add to your current support system. Feel free as Andy has said to come and vent from time-to-time with whatever is on your mind.

Again, welcome and have the BEST Day!
« Last Edit: September 23, 2006, 05:35:29 PM by Eldon »

Offline alive2

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Re: Confused, how to live with HIV oral sex-wise
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2006, 01:31:22 PM »
im led to beleive when your numers in vl are low,so to is the risk of transmission,when its high the problems can get harder to define,as for an exact number i dont beleive there is anyone out heere whos willing to say its ok,since the teachings are abstinance with the governments look at it,but for those of us who dont read to much into them ,well i say have a ball or carpet whatever your love,but still remember the vl is a very dependable determinig start for me.im with a negitive woman and intend not to push the envolope for the sake of gradification,although,someone has to lug the mail.another determining factor was just this past week when my wife had surgery on her mouth,so im sure you would know theres the time to be cautious.hope this helps you,take care


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