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Author Topic: Just tested poz-question about past partners  (Read 3034 times)

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Offline Lans32

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  • Posts: 2
Just tested poz-question about past partners
« on: January 10, 2012, 11:23:14 AM »
Hello all,
I am brand new to this forum so hello to all.
So I tested positive about 8 weeks and have been dealing with it the best I can. It's been a long couple of months...
My question is about past partners and finding out who in your past was positive. As soon as I tested positive, they sent out a lady from the Board of Health who came to my home and took the info for all past partners from the last 4 years I believe (in my case after my last negative test.) So they have all been notified anonymously via the Board of Health, and will all be asked (repeatedly if necessary, as I understand) to get HIV tests either from the state or from their private Doctors. Not sure if this is how other states work-but that is what happened in Texas.
SO my question is-what are your thoughts on going through your past and finding out where you contracted this? A part of me would really, really like to know-not that it would really change anything...Is it worth it to have those hard conversations-especially with people whom you've had long and meaningful relationships? Obviously, if they have already been notified, I wouldn't really be obliged to contact them-but, again, I'd really like to know. When any of you found out who you got this from, did it give any sense of relief or closure? If you still don't know, does it still bother you that you don't? I've talked to 3 ex-girlfriends so far and all are negative (and on the flip side-thank God for that, too.) Each time though, that conversation just gets harder. Some of the ex's may be prone to gossip too-which only makes things more difficult. Is it really worth it just to know??
Thanks so much for any advice or input...

Offline Joe K

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  • Posts: 5,820
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Just tested poz-question about past partners
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2012, 01:18:47 PM »
Hey Lans,

Sorry to hear about you becoming poz, but glad you found your way here.  There is a wealth of information and experience in the forum, so feel free to talk about any issues that are important to you.

As to your question of finding out where you contracted HIV, well that answer lies with you.  The experiences and reasons of others for wanting to know how they were infected, don't really apply to you, because they are not you.  It never mattered to me, about who I got infected from, because it was equally my fault.  Once I forgave myself for allowing myself to become infected, none of the rest mattered.  For me, there was nothing I could gain by knowing where I got infected, even if I could have figured it out, because it would not change my status, nor change how I viewed myself.

My advice would be for you to determine why you want to know and how you believe that knowledge would help you.  You just became poz and I know how your thoughts can seem overwhelming, but just because you think or feel something, does not mean you have to do anything about it.  I would urge you to just take it slow and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, as you are beginning a journey, not a race.  After a few months, if you still want to try and determine when you became poz, just be honest with yourself on why you want to know and how that knowledge will empower you.  Guilt and shame can mask themselves as many emotions.  Maybe you would benefit from knowing, just make sure you are doing it for all the right reasons.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Welcome to the forums.


Offline Lans32

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  • Posts: 2
Re: Just tested poz-question about past partners
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2012, 06:20:11 PM »
Thanks for that. Great answer to my questions, and nice to have it spelled out so well. I think I will take your advice.


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