Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 21, 2017, 06:34:17 PM

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Posts: 721044
  • Total Topics: 58490
  • Online Today: 313
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 AM)
Users Online
Users: 4
Guests: 248
Total: 252


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all POZ pages, including our "HIV Transmission and Risks" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" basics, will remain accessible to all.

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: Broke my cardinal rule  (Read 1539 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline danh

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Broke my cardinal rule
« on: December 19, 2011, 01:30:04 PM »
So - I'm 45 and never have had unprotected anal sex. On a recent business trip, I broke that rule and topped (unprotected) a guy I've known for the past couple of years. He insists he's negative (I have no reason not to believe him) but today I had a dr appt for a totally unrelated issue and learned I have a Urinary Tract Infection. The first of these I've ever had in my life. Of course, I know this isn't indicative of anything but it's got my mind running wild. I know, based on what I've read on this forum, my risk is low and that I do need to get tested. In the mean time, I'm just freaking and feeling alone. How freaked out should I be?

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2011, 02:39:56 PM »
Your risk, though substantial, was lower than if you had been the receptive partner in anal sex. It's still on the higher end of a difficult to pin down scale.

But of course you know that.

As I am sure you are aware, the only way to know your status is to wait out the three months and test for HIV and other STDs, of which syphilis shares that three month window.

There are many things, sexual and not, that can trigger a UTI. It's really not germane to the discussion except maybe for the timing.

What IS germane, however is your statement regarding having no reason to doubt his claim to be negative. Quite often, people simply do not know their status. He might have undergone seroconversion since his last test. He might simply not get tested often. It's not always malice that causes these lapses (i.e. lying about ones' status) but being simply unaware.

Your cardinal rule is a good one. The best way to insure your HIV negative status is to treat every sexual partner as though s/he is HIV positive and wear a condom for penetrative sex. And, of course, the best - and only way - to accurately know your status is to test at the three month period.

A test at six weeks will be all but conclusive, but the three month test remains, for now, the global gold standard.

How freaked out should you be? Hopefully not very. It will make the time pass much more slowly. All I can say is that your Cardinal Rule is a good one.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 31,723
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2011, 04:18:33 PM »
In the future, no matter how well you think you know someone and of their history, whoever is the insertive partner must always be wearing a condom for intercourse. Even well meaning people don't always accurately know their HIV status.

You can only dispense with condoms if and when you find yourself in a securely monogamous relationship and both partners have reliably tested negative together. Otherwise a condom is a must everytime. No exceptions.   

Odds are in your favor you will test negative this time, but HIV is never something to take chances with.
Andy Velez

Offline danh

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2011, 09:17:42 AM »
Thank you for your responses. I'm really trying not to dwell on this. As it turned out, I did not have a UTI. I do have traces of white blood cells in my urine (Pyuria). Again, I know this is not indicative of HIV but googling suggests it could be indicative of other STDs among over things. And i know having another STD increases transmission rates  I need to follow up with my physician to determine the underlying cause but I'm traveling and haven't had a chance to see him yet. I'm so disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen. Its embarrassing to even have to have this discussion.

I did talk to my friend. He tested neg in November. I tested neg in October. Just throwing out what I know. Any encouraging words are appreciated.


Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 31,723
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2011, 10:13:55 AM »
The only test result that matters in terms of HIV status is an HIV specific test.

Do yourself a favor and stop googling. You will likely just find more fodder to feed your worst fears and all to no good purpose.

You're only more susceptible to HIV if you have an already active STD, not if you happen to pick one up currently when having unprotected intercourse. Given what you have reported of your incident, I still say the odds are in your favor that you will test negative.

Meantime make a real effort to focus on other matters in your life. It will make the waiting time to test pass more easily than you may imagine is possible at this moment. Really.
Andy Velez


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2017 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.