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Author Topic: worried and confused.  (Read 1538 times)

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Offline jeeves80

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  • Posts: 9
worried and confused.
« on: November 30, 2011, 06:48:34 PM »

Hey guys  I hope you can help me out.

I met a guy last janaury and we've being messing about ever since. We've always used protection except on two occasions.  The first time was early september  where i bottomed for less than a minute and then topped without a condom. the second time was the 25th of september where i was top.there was no come involved either time.  I subsequently went to an sti clinic the first weekend in October as I had development discomfort when urinating.  The physician informed me on this occasion that I had urethritis that I had caught from my partner.  I had bloods taken  and everything came back negative. I was told to get my partner to visit an sti clinic. My partner went to an sti clinic and told  me he had gotten the all clear also.  To my horror while in my partners place last weekend I accidently came across a jar of pills and decided to google the name on the jar.  to My horror it turned out to be Atripla which i now know is HIV HAART treatment.  I comfronted my partner and he told me that he was diagnosed as hiv +last april , that the treatment is working well and his viral load is undetectable.  He also told me that the uprotected sex we had was accidental and that i have a very low chance of contracting hiv.  I do not now know if i can trust him. in the last week i have also noticed what i believe to be rectal warts which i must have contracted from him also as i was virgin prior to meeting him. 
I would be most grateful if someone could give me some insight into if and when i should get retested for HIV? is it likely that i am infected? and why he could risk transmitting the disease to me?I

Offline jeeves80

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  • Posts: 9
Re: worried and confused.
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2011, 06:50:41 PM »
I should let you know that I had mild flu like symptoms and a  red rash on my forehed in mid/late october!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: worried and confused.
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2011, 06:58:08 PM »
3 months after your last unprotected anal sex will be conclusive.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: worried and confused.
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2011, 07:11:42 PM »
As Rod suggested, get tested at 3 months past the most recent unprotected incident for hopefully a negative result.

You and your guy can have all the sex you want. You just need to do it the safer way. That means anytime you are having anal intercourse, whoever is the insertive partner needs to be wearing a condom. No exceptions. Condoms provide every effective protection against the transmission of HIV. And unprotected anal (and vaginal) intercourse are the only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV.

Good luck with your test.

In general it seems you guys have some direct talking to do so you know what's what in general.
Andy Velez

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: worried and confused.
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2011, 11:29:34 PM »
While your guy was absolutely right about HAART and an undetectable viral load making HIV transmission exceedingly difficult, the decision to have unprotected sex needed to be made with both parties having that information. You did not. I certainly hope you consider that going forward.

It can be very very difficult to disclose your status - moreso if you have been a couple for a period of time. And had you guys practiced consistent safer sex (condoms) for penetration I would not come down nearly as hard on the guy. But even though it was, assuming his viral load is undetectable, an exceedingly low risk, it was NOT his decision to make for YOU.

However, ultimately YOU have the right to say what goes into your body and under what circumstances. And you deserve a partner who respects that.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline jeeves80

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried and confused.
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2011, 03:22:51 AM »
hey guys thank you so much for your replies.  i will get re-tested in early January, its certainly going to be an xmas to remember! 

jkinatl2 ,

I am really angry about the way my partner approached this, if we had used condoms 100% then i would not be ( even though i know its up to each individual to look after their own health) so upset, I really trusted him as I was so inexperienced. We are currently on a break from each other, however he's feeling hard done by because I've broken up with him because he has HIV. This is not true, Its because he knowingly put me at risk without letting me decide for myself.


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