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Author Topic: I'm positive, she isnt.  (Read 2169 times)

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Offline ThatMarty

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  • One day at a time
I'm positive, she isnt.
« on: October 27, 2011, 02:47:48 PM »
Hello all, This is my first forum post. I'm sure this info is on the forums somewhere, but i'm not sure where to find it.
I am A married man, who tested positive about 2 years ago. I have not cheated on my wife, or used drugs, I caught HIV from a girl I dated before i started dating my wife.
I went to the emergency room after being ill for 3 months, & was diagnosed with Pneumocystis jiroveci pneumonia , it almost killed me. The doctor told me I had HIV, & my t-cell count on diagnosis was 25, This was devastating to me, & telling my wife was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She was tested, & the results were negative. We had a normal sex life for the first 4 years of our relationship, & have 2 beautiful daughters to show for it. I am taking Atripla, & over the last 2 years my t-cell count has risen to 600. My viral load has always been undetectable. My problem is that my wife (understandably) is terrified to have sex with me at all. In the 2 years since my diagnosis, we have had sex maybe 10 times. Always with protection. I guess I'm coming to you all with 2 questions.
How were we able to have sex & 2 children without her catching HIV? & how risky is it for her to have sex with me using protection?
« Last Edit: October 27, 2011, 03:53:33 PM by ThatMarty »
T-Cell count at diagnosis in 11/ 2009--------25
T-cell count as of 6/2011-----------------------616
VL undetectable

Offline spacebarsux

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  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: I'm positive, she isnt.
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2011, 03:24:27 PM »
Hi Marty, welcome to the forums.

As long as you condoms consistently and correctly, without exception, for sexual intercourse there should be no risk to your wife.

Also, the fact that your VL is undetectable means that the risk of passing on the virus to your wife is ridiculously low - that too, in the unlikely event of a condom break.

About your wife not having caught the virus from you before, there are many people who had similar experiences including myself. Every high risk sexual encounter doesn't always result in infection. Maybe your wife has advantageous genes that protect her from getting infected (There are a few people like that. They are called Highly Exposed Persistently Seronegative (HEPS)) or you were not infectious when you had sex with your wife. People are most infectious in the first few months after infection.

Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I'm positive, she isnt.
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2011, 07:18:45 PM »
You and your wife might need a few therapy sessions to break this roadblock.
Sex with condoms is safe for her.
Really really really safe since you are, moreover, undetectable.
If you both accept that as fact, but still are able to talk seriously about "what is the risk" then there is something emotional clouding your reason.

Also - why she didn't get HIV?  We hear about this often enough. There is no garantee of a transmission because of a risky sex act.

Also, did you ever use condoms for birthcontrol or were you unprotected for 4 years straight??
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline buginme2

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Re: I'm positive, she isnt.
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2011, 08:09:54 PM »
I may be Going against the populous here.  But your wife risk is low while your viral load is undetectable.  A recent study stated that if you are on a successful treatment with an undetectable viral load your chances of infecting your partner are reduced by 96%. 

i also contracted HIV before I met my current partner.  We had been together for several years when I tested positive.  We had quite a bit of unprotected sex during that time.  He never tested positive.   It happens.

Im not telling you not to wear a condom and all, but the number one way of making sure your wife doesnt catch HIV is to ensure you are adherent to your medications.
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline Teresa

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Re: I'm positive, she isnt.
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2011, 11:01:20 AM »
Hi Marty...My hubby is HIV+ and I'm HIV-. We were married 4 years when he was diagnosed. We had used condoms for birth control (older here and didn't want any more kids) but there were times we didn't and I still was HIV-. It has been over 5 years since he was diagnosed and I get tested once a year and I'm still HIV-.

The best thing your wife (and you too) can do is to read the lessons here. They are in the gray bar above ( About HIV/AIDS, Prevention, and Treatment). You both need to learn all you can about HIV.

 I know it was scary for me at first. I also went to his Dr appointments and asked his Dr any questions that I had.
I'm sure your wife will get more comfortable when she learns all she can about HIV transmissions. We use condoms with plenty of lube each and everytime we have sex no exceptions.

Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline atlanta05

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  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm positive, she isnt.
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2011, 05:24:35 PM »
Hi. My situation is very similar to yours except for one thing - my wife isn't scared. Does your wife need to know any more info that will make her realise she's safe? What's missing? Hang in there bro - I'm sure it will get better.
We are expecting our first child in a few weeks - conceived well after my diagnosis and treatment. We did some research into IVF and risk factors for 'going natural' and decided as people above have posted, that with an UD VL (and some calendar planning) we would be ok. The happiest day of my life was her first doctor check which included a negative HIV test. I'm sure your wife loves you but is just scared. And what's the solution to fear? Education, right?
Let us know how it goes, and take it easy..


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