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Author Topic: Still grappling w/ the whole idea  (Read 3584 times)

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Offline Dissident

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  • Posts: 3
  • Searching for truth where there is none
Still grappling w/ the whole idea
« on: June 22, 2011, 07:44:50 PM »
As of recent, I have been diagnosed w/ HIV.  It's been a totally debilitating & horrific thing to go through.  I feel so alone & isolated.  I told one friend after the initial phone call but have since been unable to really expand upon my diagnosis w/ her.  My Mother knows and has been a big source of support for me.  What hurts the most is that prior to all of that I've had a hard life filled w/ romantic disappointments, social abandonment, and trauma.  I've been sexually abused and assaulted and was emotionally manipulated & physically raped by someone who knew that they were HIV positive through myspace (which is how I feel I was infected).  I'm trying to be strong but feel so alone, ostracized, and hurt.  After all the time I've spent advocating for others-I wish that one of my sexual partners could have advocated on behalf of me.  I'm still trying to accept everything but today was really difficult :-[.
As long as you're alive then you're free!

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,985
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Still grappling w/ the whole idea
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2011, 08:17:02 PM »
Welcome to the forums Calgerian - sorry for the reason you found us - but glad you are here. 

When you first get the diagnosis it can bring on a wide range of emotions - there will be ups and downs.  Hopefully, you will draw upon your support network near your home (your family, your friends) and build a support network here on the forums.

Things do get better - and we get better with things.

Once again, welcome.

September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Dissident

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  • Searching for truth where there is none
Re: Still grappling w/ the whole idea
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2011, 08:20:19 PM »
Thanks truly Phil!
As long as you're alive then you're free!

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 6,174
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Still grappling w/ the whole idea
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2011, 08:21:14 PM »
Welcome to the forums.

Reaction to the results is difffernt for everyone, but over time you will find a way of coping with the virus that suits you, and it might be quite differnt from how others deal with it.

No one here will ever tell you it's easy, it's ok to get angry or scared but don't let it take over your life, stress is natural it can actually help some of us get through certain situations but excessive stress can cause you physical symptoms and can damage your immune system further, just find ways to manage any stress you may be feeling, learn to relax and listen to your body.

Along with HIV comes anxiety and one way of tackling this is through information. gaining confidence in yourself and making informed decisions about your future.

Support is very important and you can get this from a qualified ID doctor , family and friend that you trust and there are many support organizations out there...just make sure whoever you discuss this with is sympathetic, supporting and non judgmental about your HIV status.

Most important of all you have to remember that being HIV+ does not stop you from being the person you were before your diagnosis.

just take one day at a time.

Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Dissident

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  • Posts: 3
  • Searching for truth where there is none
Re: Still grappling w/ the whole idea
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2011, 08:34:01 PM »
Thank You so much Jan.  Joining this forum really helps!
As long as you're alive then you're free!

Offline surf18

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  • Posts: 533
Re: Still grappling w/ the whole idea
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2011, 09:29:23 PM »
yep im 51 weeks diagnosis. so things are coming back in my head from what i went through. it sucked shit,it was terrible terrible terrible time in my life and like others said normal life in some sort of semblance does somewhat mostly return. yes i still think of it a little but not like a year ago.

Offline wolfter

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  • Posts: 5,470
Re: Still grappling w/ the whole idea
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2011, 09:42:21 PM »
Welcome.  It's a difficult thing to come to grips with, but it can be done.  I'm sure you'll find the needed support here we'll all be glad to assist in any way we can. 
Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.


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