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Author Topic: What to do??  (Read 2831 times)

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Offline ijskrista

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
What to do??
« on: June 05, 2011, 05:09:03 AM »
Hey ladies,

I found out January this year that I am poz. The father of my 5 year old daugther gave it to me... he has known  for a couple of years and just denied it.. and I believed him... Since the beginning of this year my life has been a rollercoaster emotionnaly. I feel so stupid for believing him an still can't believe he was able to do this.. (he lied about bloodtests, he even called the hospital telling them that he is healthy and there has been a mistake) He didn't use medication and got sick, the he accused me of poisoning him...???? As the realtionship has been real bad for years I got the help of a lawyer so now he is out of my house.

I just felt like I couldn't go on, have been under so much stress with this man the last few years and just feel totaly exhausted. At this point he just acts like nothings wrong... calling for his daghter wanting to see her and telling me all the time how sorry he is... but I just can't leave what he did behind me.. Seems like he expects me to treat him normal.. like I can't be mad forever?? I feel like now that I am poz too he got what he wanted and thinks that I will take him back rather to be alone... Offcourse he denies this but this ishow I  feel. Eventhough I do feel terribly lonely and doubt that I will find someone that will love me for me... I'd never take him back as he is just a sick manipulator.

For now I feel like still having contact with him holds me back from getting my strength back as a person... I just can't believe he did what he did... Just feel bad for my litlle girl to keep her away from her father but it seems like the only way as everytime I speek to him or see him I feel more confused and sad..

Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
Re: What to do??
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2011, 06:40:58 PM »
Hi Ijskrista

First of all welcome to the forums. I hope you are going to find a place of comfort here where you can open up, share and learn, vent etc.

Its never easy to accept the fact that someone could have knowingly infected you. I had the same experience...my ex knew it, despite our talks on safe sex and my questioning, he never admitted to me he was pos, and I only found out after the fact. It has been four years now, and I learnt that to move forward, I have to forgive myself the 'stupidity' of having had trust in him...guess what? I finally realised that I am not stupid. I am just a trusting person, but I trusted the wrong person..and I cant kill and beat myself for that forever.

You have to think about your daughter. She is not to blame for what he did, so despite the fact that you dont want to see him come around, he is still her dad, and she is a kid. You can arrange to have them meet in your absence until comes a time when you feel a bit more comfortable seeing him.

I wish you luck...I know its not an easy thing to deal with, but I know you will feel better with time.

Take care.
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline Snowangel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,416
Re: What to do??
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2011, 08:38:05 PM »
Welcome to the forums!

Do you have a middle person that you trust with your daughter?  My experience was similar to yours in some ways except my baby daddy was and is extremely violent.  I would have my mother or my father take my son to his father so that I would not have to see or deal with him at all.
This might be a good way to tell if he sincerely cares about being involved with your daughter. I always wanted my son to have his own relationship with his Dad but my son got sick of his games after awhile.  He would always come home from his visits with questions that I told him I couldn't answer until he got older.  I know it is hard but you can't let your feelings for him come out in your interactions with your daughter and at the same time you don't want him to manipulate your daughter, just to get to you.
I totally understand your confusion and your sadness and hopefully soon you will get to a point where you find strength in that you are dealing with all of this and raising a child on your own and you are doing a good job.  It took a long time for me to get to where I am now because my sons father was such a good manipulator and he did whatever he could to screw with me and keep me scared.  It took a lot of standing up to him in court and getting a lawyer to have him back off.

Do whatever you can to get your mind off him, don't give him anymore of your time, he is not worth it.  I wish you the best.


Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.


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