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Author Topic: I /really/ need help.  (Read 3799 times)

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Offline Mouse

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  • Om nom nom.
I /really/ need help.
« on: September 12, 2006, 03:48:44 PM »
I have a serious problem. And I know it may not sound serious but it *is*.

My mom lives in one school district, my dad lives in another. I'm currently going to the school district that my mom lives in - I hate it. It's overcrowded. I can't get into the classes I want. The teachers are horrendous. The administrators are horrendous. My guidance counselor doesn't do her job.

At the school district my dad is in I feel as if I could do better. It's smaller. Only about 400 kids in the class as opposed to 800 in my current one. More course choices. Fresh start - no one there knows me - I wouldn't be picked on as much maybe. I could walk to and from school. It's in a nice neighborhood with mostly upper class people. I feel like my opportunities would be better if I went there.

In order to do that, my mom would need to pick me up from my dad's house Wednesday, and drive me to school Thursday/Friday and pick me up. Because her house isn't in the district, I can't take a bus.

She refuses to because it'd be inconvienant for her. She doesn't want to get up earlier or go to bed later to take me to school. I'd have to live with my dad permanently and just see her on weekends as opposed to being with her Wednesday-Sunday like I am now.

I don't know what's right to do. She's threatened to cut me off from her life if I decide to go to this other school. There are money issues, she thinks my dad is going to take away child support - and he will if I live with him, obviously! But everything could STAY THE SAME if she'd just put herself out for once.

So, go to this new school - potentially do better, stand out more, get into better college - and potentially throw away my relationship with my mom.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2006, 04:01:21 PM »
Jaser, obviously going to the school in your Dad's district is very appealing.

What's the state of relations between your parents? Can you get them together and perhaps even with a school counselor from your prefered school to discuss the situation? Also, would say having a bike you could use for transportation sometimes help with the logistics?

What I am looking for here is a way for you to not have to figure this all out by yourself, and instead have the (so-called) grownups participate.

Andy Velez

Offline emeraldize

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2006, 04:06:00 PM »
« Last Edit: October 31, 2006, 10:03:02 PM by emeraldize »

Offline Mouse

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2006, 04:07:20 PM »
It's entirely too far to get to the school by anything but car.

My parents speak to each other, but they don't get along well. I don't know of a school counselor they could talk to because if I go to this new school and they find out my dad doesn't have primary custody right now of me either a) I won't be allowed to go or b) my mom/dad'll have to go to court and then my mom will REALLY be cut out of my life because if they find that she can't have support or if she needs to now give support to my dad, she'll never speak to me again.

Offline angels4kelly

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2006, 04:08:51 PM »
Hi Jaser,
I think it would be best for you to go ahead and move to wherever you need to and go to the school that's best for you.
Your education needs to take precedence over most everything.
I'm sure you KNOW how important your education is!

Hopefully and most likely your mother will come to her senses after she thinks about things more.
Do what you need to do for yourself now.





Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
Failure is not in falling down,
but the staying down

Offline newt

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2006, 04:14:33 PM »
J, the reminds me of me when I was yng n had long hair...

This is not about getting up, it's about yr mum n dad's shit.

While you may love em both, it's not yr shit. It's school for a year or so, it's not forever.  (a) you don;t have to deal with yr mum n dad's shit if you think it really will be better n you can, go (b) but if you go you will, n that's the pay-off, the trade I guess, have to deal with some shit - helpful suggestions, like being picked up near yr dad's house may swing it, if this is safe, I can see why yr mum don't want to go near yr dad, after all they're separated, and some caution is needed cos she has the information to sabotage the whole thing right now.

If you decide, decide, n make up later.

- matt
« Last Edit: September 12, 2006, 04:20:05 PM by newt »
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline bear60

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2006, 04:18:46 PM »
Lets say that your mother is the person you want to discuss this situation with.  I think it would help to compose a really GOOD letter to her explaining your reasons for wanting to go to another school and why you think she needs to change her schedule.  Make it really well written and has all the facts in it. Then.......................either throw it away or give it to her.
OK, that sounds stupid or not?
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline poobear

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2006, 04:25:12 PM »
Hi Mouse,
      Wow what a tough situation.  I am going to give my opinion.  First have you sat down with your mom to let her know how important you feel it is to change schools?  I would give her another opportunity to really hear how you feel, let her know how you feel.  If after that she still denies to help you out than my advise is well, you have to do what you have to do.  It doesn't mean you do not Love your mother.  But you my Friend comes number one, and you need to do what you feel is best for you.  So maybe try talking to her again and really let her know how sincere you feel about changing schools and how important it is to you.  Let us know how things go.  And above all you are number one.  Big Hug to you.   Rachel

Offline penguin

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2006, 04:49:18 PM »

this is, as others have pointed out, nothing to do with the details, and everything to do with the backdrop. which is out of order, but then that is grown ups, divorced ones especially.
 point blank no is prob starting point, not end point. they usually come round,parents, i think. something to do with love, possibly.

negotiation skills, UN-worthy, are called for here, & it would be good if a switzerland-type person, like family mediator or similar, could be involved for this bit. if not, you prob gonna have to concede some ground, get a bit creative with the details of how this could work.

mr mouse, you are just a bit clever i think, so you will do just fine, better than fine even, wherever you are at school. that aside, this sounds like good opportunity to get bit more out of the whole academic experience.
you deserve whatever is best for you - & i'm sure, deep down, you're mum & dad want that too, just that other things, the past, have a tendency to create sandstorms & reduce vision.

ps, got you a button today, says " if i throw a stick, will you leave?" : )

Offline Robert

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2006, 04:56:52 PM »
Hi jaser.

Now bear with me, I'm just kind of thinking out loud.  I thought you liked your school?  At the beginning of the year you mentioned how you got the teachers you wanted (except for Spanish, maybe...I can't remember.  I know there was one you mentioned you didn't like.), the classes you wanted and the schedule was pretty good.  I do seem to remember, though,  that I thought you were taking too much on. I mean you have a really full schedule.   Aren't you skipping lunch or something just to take extra classes? 

What I'm thinking is that maybe, just maybe, you're on over-load and you haven't even been in school a month.  Maybe you should drop 1 or 2  of your classes and spend more time with your friends and the teachers you like so much.  I mean you've been at this school a couple of years now, right?  It couldn't be too bad.  Besides, school is about more than just learning the disciplines.  It's about having a good time with your friends and classmates and teachers.  Maybe that's why you're not so happy right now?  You're working too hard.  Just a thought.  Now don't get mad at me.


Offline wellington

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2006, 01:27:00 AM »
That's an interesting perspective, Robert. I'm 41 and I'm still in school, though I took a few years off to play :D

I also like the writing a letter to your mum option as you seem to be gifted at putting your thoughts into words, Jaser.

Offline Grinch

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2006, 07:42:59 AM »

It looks like you're dealing with more than one issue here.  The first thing I think you should decide is: Is the new school really better? Some of your statements lead me to believe you're having personal problems at your current school that you want to get away from. Those issues won't go away because you move.  Teenagers are mean, very mean, there will always be someone picking on you.  If that's the problem solve it and keep on.  Some of your statements seem to indicate the school itself really just sucks.  If thats the case then it's time to move on.  So think honestly about that and go from there.

   If you decide the new school is best for you I believe you'll have to make some hard choices.

 I know this may upset people and will likely get me flamed but, you are not responsible for your mother or her actions. She's not going to be the one going to college, or getting a job.  You must be responsible for your future.  If she won't get up early to take you to school then it indicates pretty clearly you can't depend on her to help you succeed in life.  If your mother is really so selfish that she would push you out of her life because she lost some child support, well.... Is that the type of person you want to be around?  In a few years you'll be 18 and she'll lose the money anyway. Will she then demand you give it to her, or will she figure out another way to make ends meet?

  My recomendation is: Examine why you want to change schools.  If the answer is really, because I'll get a better education.  Then go to your mother and tell her just that. "Mom, this school is not what I need.  I need better so that I can get into a good college.  The choices are, you take me to school and pick me up, you work out a schedule with Dad, or I'm going to petition the court to let me live with Dad beause its whats best for Me."  Make her make the choice Jas.

Offline Lisa

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2006, 08:33:52 AM »
I'll just cut right to the chase.......
Since your father is sending child support......that money is intended for YOUR benefit. Is a taxi cab out of the question, or is it too costly?

Just tossing out an idea.....
I feel for ya hon.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2006, 08:35:29 AM by Lisa »
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Moffie65

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Re: I /really/ need help.
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2006, 09:30:04 AM »

You are a bright young man, and to stay where you are not "challenged" mentally, will be something that will stick with you for the rest of your life as "time wasted".

You said "I feel like my opportunities would be better if I went there.

Well, interesting you are focusing on "opportunities".  This shows a maturity that is far beyond your age, so I think you should seriously consider this move.

One thing that isn't being said here is; how close are you with your dad?  You are at an age where your father can teach you things that mothers are not capable of, most of the time.  Would your mom freak if she found condoms in your room?  Would your dad?  Now is the time for you to learn about working for a living, doing "man stuff" and pretty much learning how to live in the body of a man.  I am not saying that your mother isn't capable of showing you these things, however, from what you say, your mother is far too focused on her issues than yours, and your dad might not have so much of a vested interest in his own stuff. 

Either way, you have a difficult choice to make here, but like many of the responses so far, please don't be too concerned about issues that are not yours.  (mainly your parents)  They have to work out their issues, "without" including you in the process.  Not an easy task for anyone, but please don't mix your desires, your plans for life, your wishes for a brighter future with those secondary issues that should belong to your parents.

'Nuff said, I think you are man enough to figure this out.

In Love, and Support.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne


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