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Author Topic: Neg guys in Poz relationships  (Read 5082 times)

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Offline emt845

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Neg guys in Poz relationships
« on: December 28, 2010, 06:08:49 pm »
HELLO GUYS!! well i am recently in a new relationship and my other half is HIV Positive and i am Negative. i have never dealt with this before and dont know how to deal with it. its not a big deal to me that he is positive as long as were safe i have no doubt ill be fine. i just mean more on a mental level. and better understanding how he is feeling emotional and mentally. i know that this is something very difficult to live with and cant be easy. i want to know how to handle certain situations and how to better understand how to have a succesful relationship in this situation. i understand that the sex drive goes down for awhile and now were at the point where it doesnt exist atleast at all with me, i know he has said that it is easier to masterbate than it is to have intercourse at the moment because its a mental block. has anyone gone through this?? i would love any information that is out there and would love to make a friend out of this whole i can call on occesionally to talk about this stuff. i thank you all who answer this, im just looking for some imformation and posb a friend to confide in. thanks for your time!!

Offline franfrog

  • Member
  • Posts: 238
Re: Neg guys in Poz relationships
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2011, 02:09:48 am »
I am in a poz/neg marriage.  I am the poz one and my husband is negative.  We found out about my situation after being married for about a year.  He has stuck by my side and we just had a baby.
I do understand about the sex drive.  I know after I was diagnosed I was having a hard time because it was always a thought in my head that I did not want to infect him.  I still do have that issue once in a while but it is something I am working on.  I have come a long way with it and I am sure he will.  Good luck and if there is anything else you need you have found a great place to come to.
7/05 diagnosis cd4- 52 vl -?
08/05 cd4-299 vl-1900
10/05 cd4-249 vl-349
12/05 cd4-349 vl-52
03/06 cd4-454 vl-<50
06/06 cd4-508 vl-<50

Offline barbch2

  • Member
  • Posts: 22
Re: Neg guys in Poz relationships
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2011, 02:57:32 am »
to the original person who wrote about the topic

I am for one using my boyfriends profile. I know exactly how it feels. I have known my boyfriend going on 3 years. After our first year, actually to be completely exact. Right before my birthday, July 14. I found out that he was, as i like to call it in " his situation." I give it that phrase as to be nice to him knowing that one day there will be a cure. I think me saying that gives him hope. The idea of saying it that when i speak with him i feel gives him the power of, 'you may have it but it doesn't have you.' However, to the point.

Honestly, its going to piss you off, cry silently for many nights. Make you wonder if you are truly the apple of his eye anymore. I encourage you to understand that he will want to masturbate more often, may if not already look at porn more or say I'm not in a sexual mode and you find empty lube bottles lol. His reasoning behind that like previous said. With masturbation you don't have to worry about you being "touched" because "the situation" is not touching you.

Mentally and emotionally this will be VERY HARD TO HEAR AND PERCIEVE! but know he does care and loves you VERY NUCH. for me what i do, as lame as it sounds. i look myself in the mirror and say, "Yes I am beautiful." When he goes to masturbate see if you can join. if he says its private then you cant force him. at the same time your good man will come to you IN A SAFE WAY and take care of you. Its an ongoing battle in telling yourself "you are still his one and only. I am his knight and shining armor."

What i found works best is let him come to you. Have a short talk, and i emphasize SHORT. Seeing that "the situation" is heavy enough. Let him know that I love it when you tell me. "you are so important to me...having you right now is the best choice i have made in my life." tell him that you what to hear things like this. This will reassure you that he is still in love with you.

Now you will go through dry spells. Weeks to pressing a month without getting some. Know that you are still the one he wants. The first year is unbearable. BE patient with him. He will come around. BELIEVE ME I MISSES HOW YOU FEEL ;)

So what to do when you are not getting it. I speak with my friends or get wrapped up in my own. What makes me happy and fulfilled. he will come around in his own time. there is no saying when he will. Make sure more than ever that you let him know every second you have with him you are there to be by his side. try not to nag him with wanting to get it on. THIS PART IS SOMETHING! learn how to give him his space. he will not fail you! for with everything there is a time and a season. everything will be i-re lol.

HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW JUST BY BEING WITH HIM! take pride in knowing you are the only one that brings him peace. do you not know that you very presence is sometimes the way he keeps his sanity? you are still his man and you are still his. through stuff days love, like a flower after a stuff storm LOVE blooms.


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