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Author Topic: 4 years ago  (Read 2714 times)

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Offline whoknew

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4 years ago
« on: January 19, 2011, 07:56:28 AM »
Hello to all,

Im not really sure if this post belongs here but I remember when I was first diagnosed trawling the internet looking for stories of people who were ok so here it is.

I looked at the calendar today and it dawned on me that its aprox 4 years since I was diagnosed ! I say aprox because I know it was this week in this month but the exact day I have completly forgotten. Its all a bit of a blur :o I thought it was the end of the world. My husband looked like he was about to cave to PCP pneumonia and various other complications of an illness he had previously not known about. It was a shocking week we were both tested positive and I thought well thats it then.

how wrong I was, no its not easy  or fun but mostly it has become normal. I am still me. I have a virus it does not have me !! I get on with my day chasing around my children doing my college work , bettering myself and occasionally I think oh yes thats right I have HIV.  I dont feel ill my numbers are good and im on meds. I see a dr once every 3 months and mostly we dont have alot to talk about.

I am pregnant with my third child ( 2nd concieved after diagnosis) I feel happy and content in my life. My husband did not as  I first feared die in the hospital he is at this moment playing barbies with  our middle child and the peals of laughter coming from the living room are making me smiloe while I type.

It may sound like im trying to make this all sound like its a walk in the park or not important which is not the case at all . I worry all the time, I still panic when Im poorly... just incase and my meds make me feel like im stoned which is annoying ( and slightly funny sometimes)
 I get anxious and scared BUT the world did not end.

I am sending you all a hug to say, it will get better and whilst you feel like hell right now the good days will get more frequent. I am not HIV and HIV is not me. It is just something that lives along side me.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: 4 years ago
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2011, 10:04:24 AM »
Hi WhoKnew, thanks for posting this. I also remember when I was newly diagnosed (it will be ten years on February 22) and hungry for hopeful stories. Like you, I'm doing fine and no, my world didn't end either. Sure, it changed in many ways but in many good ways, not just bad.

So to all you newly diagnosed out there - yes, life does go on and yes, it does get better in time. Hang in there! You'll all be marking your tenth hiv anniversary before you know it. I can't believe it's been ten years for me already, I just don't know where the time has gone. And in March, I will have been a member here for ten years as well. OMG! :)
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Offline auspoz

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Re: 4 years ago
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2011, 06:01:09 AM »

Congratulations on living so well! And the kids! Gorgeous. :)

I too was diagnosed in that week, but 3 years ago. And you know what - I forgot my anniversary this year. LOL.

It's amazing when I look back at that first stage after my diagnosis. My world collapsed. I collapsed. It was all about dealing with fear and stigma, but I couldn't see that at the time. And I know we're all different, but I really think that now, I'm looking forward to my life. My goodness, there is sooooooo much more to me than HIV. At the time of diagnosis though, I couldn't see it.

Why do I share this? Well, I guess I hope that if only one person reads this and decides to get on with their life quicker than I did, it's a good thing.

In those first days I had two mantras that helped. The first to strike was "I choose me." I will not let the virus be me, nor the stigma or shame. And when I chose "ME", my world changed a bit.

The other mantra that helped was "I am still the same person, and I cannot change the past, I must step into my future, I am building my life." This sounds kinda sucky now, but at the time, it helped me and my family get through some rough times. I guess, once again, that I offer it to others in the hope it might help in some way.

Thank you for sharing your anniversary. For me, it's 3 years ago. But damn it, we're doing well. The best of health to you. :)



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