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Author Topic: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.  (Read 3317 times)

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Offline randomk

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« on: January 17, 2011, 11:00:14 PM »
Today I got a call from someone I had an unprotected sexual encounter with, he informed me he had HIV so I quickly got my rapid test and unsurprisingly had it as well. I test every 3 months, so it was in that window of after just being tested that I got the virus (or at least that's what I can assume based on my time-line). I've been reading pages online all afternoon and evening, and I feel like I should feel sad, angry, depressed but I really only feel guilt. Since my encounter with the person who passed it to me, I had started dating a guy and while we had used protection most of the time we didn't always use it. I've informed him and he's getting tested tomorrow. I can't find any pages or personal stories about the guilt you feel with having HIV and passing it someone unintentionally. I try not to be an overly dramatic person, but I can't help but feel like one of the worst kinds of people. If he is HIV positive, I've taken something from him. He can no longer have unprotected sex, ever. I read how everyone goes on living regular lives and it's not a death sentence, but I feel like I've really taken something from someone. I've completely changed his life and left him with the nauseating pain I've felt today. I can get over being angry, sad and depressed (when I eventually feel these things), but how do you get over doing that to someone? I feel ridden with guilt.

Offline surf18

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  • Posts: 532
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2011, 11:06:02 PM »
hello rand
first i want to say im so sorry about your news. we ve all been where you are today. i try to block out that day to be honest.
anyways,i never had the guilt,and i never hated me or whoever gave this to me. i guess my thinking was always we are all adults and we all know the risks that all sexual encounters bring. no one forced me to not have all my partners wear a rubber. i new the risk.
just as no one forced your friend to go bare. anytime you go bare you must know the risk associated with it. when we go bare we take the risk plain and simple. yes it sucks but look you have enough on your plate to deal with now please dont add guilt to it.
take care and feel free to pm any concerns you have.

Offline zach

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  • Posts: 3,423
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2011, 11:43:13 PM »
Random, I'm truely sorry for you situation and diagnosis. I wasn't as responsible as you with getting regular testing done, and I wasn't diagnosed until very late in the game. During the time I was unknowingly positive, I was also having unprotected sex for years with someone. The guilt I felt was overwhelming. Ultimately, I realized that although we were monogamous, we never tested to confirm our status. Logic failed somewhere. All to human. You're positive, focus on that now. You didn't take anything from him. "It" is not your fault if he does test positive, cross that bridge when you get there.

And welcome, you found this group much sooner than I did. And thats good thing.
I set into a downward spiral
Caught an illness that was literally viral
I heard some words of wisdom the other day
And they went in one ear and out the other one

I awoke from this beatific binge
With prismatic eyes, now lite is tinged
With all the vapors that the vile humans brew
Shining through the blight of you

Offline buginme2

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  • Posts: 3,426
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2011, 01:28:57 AM »
**Raises Hand**

Guilty.   I was diagnosed this past October.  I have been with my partner over two years.  I received my last negative test result the day before our first date.  I didn't get tested since then since we had been monogamous.  When I tested positive I was sure he would too and it would have been my "fault.".  I could handle myself being positive but I couldn't handle it if I had gave it to him.

He tested negative.   Dint assume he is positive.  Ive slept with my part er tons of times and he remained negative but I only slept with the guy that gave it to me once.  Go figure.  Guilt is a major feeling in the beginning.  It passes.  You will feel lots of things.  And yes you will get angry.  Ha ha
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline Maelrod

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  • Posts: 60
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2011, 07:52:03 AM »
Ohhh boy.  Just figure out   I been w my Bf for almost 6 years. and November  2009 big mistake, I slept w a guy who gave me to me, handsome and attractive have sex w him twice a same night one of them didn't wear condom. thanks GOD, my Bf tested negative 3 times on 5 months and I'm praying for him every night to still negative, like you said I can handle my poz status but I don know how going to do if hes turn poz cuz my irresponsability, he's the must great person, big support for me I say he don't  have to pay for something that he never done

Just try ur best, and enjoy your life day by day......life is nasty but is beautiful
Is better STOp living in the past, the I SHOULDn't doesn't exist.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,378
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2011, 08:20:06 AM »
If finally you are HIV+, sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  Just make sure you get these rapid tests confirmed the correct way, ok.
Advice, put these big questions like guilt and death and morality out of your mind for the moment.  I mean, obviously its not easy to put exactly those out of your mind cause that is what is rolling over and over in your mind. 

But know that if you are HIV+, it will take quite a bit of time to work out how you feel about quite a number of big questions.  

It just all takes time.  

So the most constructive thing to do is educate yourself and make temporary decisions about how to live your life this week, this months, these months.  
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx


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