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Author Topic: What should I do  (Read 3864 times)

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Offline hopeful husband

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  • Posts: 5
What should I do
« on: December 05, 2010, 08:47:55 am »
My wife was diagnosed in 1997 we had been married for almost two years and had three children. We just decided to ignore the issue since we were told that nothing could be done at the time but wait. We started using condoms and life was fairly normal.

Since February 2009 things have been going down hill in our marriage at the same time she will be sick often and will go to her primary doctor very often, the doctor did not know her + status. November 2009 she is hospitalized for 10 days for pneumonia, her + status never comes up. She gets better but still having slow progress, her primary doctor refers her to a specialist early 2010. He does a procedure to get a sample of her lung tissue and sends the results to the Mayo Clinic, the HIV + comes back. He tells that she has maybe 5 years to live. She then starts going to an infectious disease spec. and starts medication.

As a couple we start being more apart as she gets better, she changes the ballet school my daughter attends and starts spending lots of time in it. As summer starts it gets worst by July she starts coming home later and later 3am 5am from being out with friends that also had the summer off. Her argument was she was just going out with females from the ballet academy and I had nothing to worry about.

Sometime in August I found out she was basically in constant communication with my daughter's ballet instructor a male and has since increased the days she doesn't sleep at home. To the point where she doesn't stay at home at all and lives in a shared apartment with my daughter's ballet teacher and other people. She states that there's nothing between them, he's just a friend and that she needs time to her self.

She's neglecting our children, doesn't use her weeding band, I've seen multiple photos of her with the instructor holding hands and to me it looks like they have a relationship. I tested - in Oct 2010, we've not been intimate since Feb 2009. Love my wife deeply and will do anything to keep our marriage, I feel it may be too late. Is there hope to our marriage? Should I move on? She won't talk to me about our relationship and just tells me that needs time and her space.

Offline hopeful husband

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Re: What should I do
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2010, 09:32:28 pm »
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can anyone give me some advise or recommendations?

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: What should I do
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2010, 10:42:25 pm »
I'm not sure what you want anyone to say -- this is more marriage counseling territory than necessarily something to do with HIV.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline franfrog

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Re: What should I do
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2010, 07:23:06 pm »
hopeful husband
I know this has to be hard for you but Miss P is right.  This is more of a marriage counselor issue.  That being said, I too am in a relationship where I am + and my husband is negative but can not ever think of doing the things she is doing to a man who is standing by me through all of this.  I know I do not know the whole story and how she feels so it is hard to say much.
I would never suggest giving up on a marriage especially with children involved.  This is definitely going to be a hard situation for you it sounds to even get her to go to a counselor with you but i say offer it. 
Good luck and I hope all goes well. 
7/05 diagnosis cd4- 52 vl -?
08/05 cd4-299 vl-1900
10/05 cd4-249 vl-349
12/05 cd4-349 vl-52
03/06 cd4-454 vl-<50
06/06 cd4-508 vl-<50

Offline hopeful husband

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Re: What should I do
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2010, 01:37:09 am »
Unfortunately she is not willing to attend counseling for our marriage or her + status, she doesn't want her Dr or anyone to tell her how to deal with it. She just wants to deal with it on her own, I'm the only person other than her Dr that knows about her being +. She tells me that being in our house and around me is a constant remainder or her being +, she prefers to be around those that are not aware of it. Even do I've tried not to bring the subject some how I'm a constant remainder of it.


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