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Author Topic: what to do?  (Read 2001 times)

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Offline m.christian

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what to do?
« on: September 06, 2010, 08:27:28 AM »
I had sex about two months ago with a guy that had initially told me he was 22 and std free, during our sexual encounter the condom broke I didnít notice until I withdrew I asked him if I had anything to worry about he said no. a week later we had protected sex again no problems. a week after that we had sex I lubed up under the condom so as to not have it break again but this time the condom slid off (Iím not a thick guy) again I asked him if he was clean he assured me yes he was and that was that 2-3 weeks ago I saw a profile online w his picture on it and it said HIV positive and that he was 30 well as it turns out he said sorry I lied Iím positive have been for 15 years and undetectable or so he says. I had the entire test done last month (negative) and have 1-2 more months of anguish and in reality a year of anxiously waiting for results. Iíve been trying to decide whether I should pursue legal action but thereís something about malicious intent well I have the txt message where he admits he lied, I donít go on bareback fests so Iím no sex worker or anything like that; and by the way I donít think it matters no one deserves this anguish no matter what walk of life junkie, prostitute, or housewife if someone lies about their HIV status whether they infects you or not they should be put on a list online like sex offenders theyíre a threat to society in my eyes. Also I followed his emails and learned heís a dancer for a high school and now Iíve been worrying about some kid at his school or something those kids arenít able to make real decisions like whether to sleep w the instructor or not or whether to use a condom theyíre untouchable at that age not to mention ill informed I mean the only herpes education they get is from the Valtrex commercial they see on TV and the ads in the magazines and trust me running gaily through the sand on a beach is not the reality of herpes. Iím basing these thoughts on his history as far as his moral fiber well I would say itís been shredded to tattered rags and thatís his doing not to mention I followed him once and he was taking (fucking) guys in front of the video store just walk up and insert no rubbers, so this has just turned into a big mess as far as what I should do Iíve thought about posting flyers at the video store and calling up the school district I would feel horrible if this turned into a big media circus cause this guys been infecting the whole school (again Iím just basing my theoryís on his proven dishonesty and disregard for peoples well being). Not to mention Iím a healthcare worker and Iím technically obligated by my ethics to report him he can not only potentially harm others but himself by acquiring an opportunistic infection, and confidentiality was not invoked when he told me he was positive.

Any advice people?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: what to do?
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2010, 09:06:11 AM »
Let's stick to the most immediate concern which is your HIV status. The condoms protected you until they broke/slipped off. As the insertive partner you were at lower risk than is a receptive partner. HIV is a fragile virus and not easy to transmit. If his viral load is low then the risk is even lower for transmission.

But you do need to get tested at 13 weeks to confirm that you are HIV negative. If you are negative at that point that is a conclusive result and there is no need for further HIV testing. I don't know where you get the mistaken idea of testing out to a year. All HIV tests currently in use will give you a conclusive result at 13 weeks after a risky incident.

You used the term "clean" to refer to his status. You need to know that is unacceptable when referring to someone's HIV status. Someone is either negative or positive, not either clean or dirty. We're talking about a virus and using a term like "clean" is insulting to people here and everywhere who are simply infected with a virus. They aren't dirty. They have a virus. Please remember that for the future.

As to what you ought to do in terms of this fellow, I suggest you think very carefully about pursuing the matter. I recommend you discuss it with both a lawyer and a therapist so that you sort out thoughtfully what actions, if any, you should take. As a "healthcare worker" yourself perhaps there is someone you can speak to in confidence to get a professional opinion. I really don't want to get into this in great detail but I will also say that your description of having "followed him" and seeing him "fucking guys in front of a video store" and without using condoms stetch credulity. So you may want to be quite careful before you kick a hornet's nest about this issue.

For now the most immediately  important thing is to establish your own HIV status. Given what you have reported the odds are in your favor that you are going to test negative. In the future make sure you are using condoms that are both fresh and fit you properly.
Andy Velez

Offline m.christian

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  • Posts: 2
Re: what to do?
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2010, 10:06:14 AM »
Hey Andy yeah sorry about the term itís just a stupid thing guys ask around here no disrespect. My brain has turned into mush with so much information and then I talk to people who are informed and they give me different info which just freaks me out even more. Yeah I had a condom on both times they broke/slid and I was exposed (for maybe 15 min total and thatís being generous I donít know if that matters) so Iíve been freaking out. I followed him that one time to talk to him I didnít know what to say and when he parked I walked up to the side of the building I saw them was a little freaked out but you see that kind of thing around the video stores in my area. The other is just a moral issue I guess and Iím not one for passing judgment and would hate to make a decision based on anger or whatever I feel. Iím stumped I guess, I know this isnít Dear: Abby its am I infected just thought you guys might have some insight on my particular issues. Again Iím sorry for my impertinence I havenít been myself lately.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: what to do?
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2010, 10:49:04 AM »
Apology accepted.

As I said previously the odds are very much in your favor that you will test negative. You can do an initial test at 6 weeks. If that is negative then the likelihood is that you will continue to test negative at 13 weeks.

Nothing more to add about the other aspects of your situation beyond what I have already said.

Good luck on your test(s) and keep us posted.
Andy Velez


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