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Author Topic: 5 days on meds...And an unexpected email  (Read 1945 times)

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Offline LatinAlexander

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  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
5 days on meds...And an unexpected email
« on: August 31, 2006, 10:46:39 PM »
Thank you all for reading my thoughts.

Hi all:

Well, here I am. I do  not have weird dreams anymore, a lymph node I had on my neck has decreased in size, but I still feel dizzy in the mornings and with nausea all day long (I tried the forearm tendom, but I guess, I am an idiot, and couldn't find it)

I have been working almost normaly. But Yesterday, I received an email from someone I met in a trip. He was wonderful. But guess what? He is engaged with another guy. To make long story short, we spent a very short time together, and I was so Idiot, I felt in love with him. Anyway, One month later, He insinuated to end the things, and I decided to cut everything. He said he wanted to be friend of mine...I asked for some free time, trying to be friend of someone you love is just a torture. We are half world apart. And I found yesterday an email from him. Nothing great of course. Just asking how I was (I tiold him i tested +)

I am such an asshole!!!!... Again, I felt so excited. But suddenly I remembred he is not meant to be for me, but for somebody else. And I couldn't help but wonder: Will I meet a guy/girl that will stick with me, even when I am positive? It's a tough ride, and will someone be willing to share it with me? Am I condemned to just have fun with a few guys, but not to have a REAL relationship?

Yes, a lonely night... How I wish I would be cuddling with someone... How I miss to be kissed...to be loved as a man...To open my eyes, and see that other person next to me..., being excited on his/her bithday, and prepare a surprise party for him/her... Jesus... It gets worst...Dido on the radio...

In a night when I have part of my body...But not my soul...


« Last Edit: August 31, 2006, 10:56:02 PM by LatinAlexander »
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline Life

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Re: 5 days on meds...And an unexpected email
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2006, 11:18:00 PM »
Alex, your going to have all these things in your life...   Beleive me?  Your heart is as wide as the ocean.. :)


Offline ImagineFL

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Re: 5 days on meds...And an unexpected email
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2006, 11:20:57 PM »
I totally understand where you are going from, Alex.

I've fallen in love a couple of times since I tested positive but can't make myself go further then just a school girl crush.

I would love to eventually find someone who is also positive so I don't have to worry with all the fears of rejection, etc when I confess.  Being positive has proven lonely road for me and I miss the same things that you yearn for.

Warm regards and a bug hug,


Offline IzPoz

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  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: 5 days on meds...And an unexpected email
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2006, 12:07:05 AM »

I need to follow the same advice, but love will come in due time.  It's a difficult, lonely road to travel when you are positive and single.

Keep your head up, love.  You will find someone soon!
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline alive2

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  • Posts: 78
  • i guess im having a good day
Re: 5 days on meds...And an unexpected email
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2006, 01:08:27 AM »
sometimes we have to go through hell to get to heaven,as the song goes.just to give you some inspiration,you will find someone im sure the right one takes time.and as for someone who will be with you even though you are positive,i think its alway possible,my wife and i almost broke up after 14 years but didnt,and i would have,but she stuck by me.the moral is when you do find the right mate and they love you,it doesnt matter if your positive or not.the partner you get will love you for you if they do love you,not because your positive or not.just keep on searching,who knows mabey you have already met this person but you havent really knowticed yet.good luck,take care


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