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Author Topic: Feelin' Happy!  (Read 3656 times)

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Offline ndrew

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Feelin' Happy!
« on: August 31, 2006, 09:53:58 PM »
Dear Friends,

I taught my first large lecture this week (120 students) and it was great, exciting even!  I had never taught more that 25 or so before.  I was a little nervous, but I had a great time and I am looking forward to the rest of the semester.  (OK, I admit its nice to be the center of attention and drinking a lot of green tea helped...)

Things are insane for me right now, but I am really trying to focus on stress (I get behind if I am not working ALL the time.)  Coming here has helped me work toward balance. 

The support and words of wisdom shared here have also made me stronger.  I am more comfortable with who I am and the little stuff floating around in my body that makes me special.  I have been disclosing to guys I meet and I remain hopeful about dating.  I know with the right amount of patience and some work, I will find a cool dude.

I do remain concerned about being open about my status pre-tenure.  I am not sure if disclosing professionally would create more stress for me or not.

I have also made a piece related to my experience being hiv+ (I am an artist), its a music video and has a lot of wild flowers in it I photographed in southern California.  When it is done, I will share it.  All of your words, stories, experiences, etc. are inside of me and I feel an inspiration and kinship.  I also think that all of us together will really be changing things for the better in this life.  Through all of this change, it is not always easy, but I am very thankful for this place on my journey and for YOU dear friends in this struggling experience.  I wish you the best (night or day) and thank you earnestly.

With much caring,

Offline ImagineFL

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Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2006, 09:57:16 PM »
Sounds like you are doing quite well honey,  keep up the good work!


Offline LatinAlexander

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  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2006, 10:33:27 PM »
Hey Teacher...Are you gonna be busy after your class? I mean, I was thinking on going to your office, so perhaps you could explain me one or two things in private.... :P :P :P :D :D :D :D


Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline wellington

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  • Posts: 509
  • Don't sweat the little things.
Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2006, 06:23:48 PM »
Sounds like one of these is in order  ;D

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline IzPoz

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Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2006, 08:00:56 PM »

So glad to hear you had a good week!!  I hope you have many more like this one!

And be careful how much green tea you have... you might to pee more than you teach!!  :D ;)

Take care.
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline Eldon

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Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2006, 09:35:35 PM »
Hello Drew, it is Eldon. Congratulations on your lecture with a large body of students. I'm quite sure it was clear, concise, complete and correct for them.

As far as Love goes, give it time, socialize and soon the missing pieces to the puzzle will fall right into place.

Have the BEST Day!

Offline ndrew

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Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2006, 01:35:51 PM »
Thank you Patrick, Alex, W, Izzy and Eldon!  I am determined to grow and succeed!


Big Love,

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2006, 03:41:47 PM »
Drew, you sound soooo healthy, that's great to hear!

It's totally up to you whether you decide to disclose or not professionally. As with most incidents of disclosure, there are no guarantees how that will pan out. I'm not sure where you are, but in the UK, US and Greece, as a teacher you have no legal obligation to disclose for sure. I've had my own nightmare experience of not disclosing but being outed professionally instead and now I'm about to embark on another experience of disclosing upfront. Thought I'd try the 'all cards on the table/take me as I am or leave me” approach. Haven’t done it professionally yet but have started doing it personally (ie with new friends etc). So far, I can say that being honest upfront has reduced my stress levels ten fold, compared to hiding it. I’ll let you know how it pans out professionally…

And from one teacher to another, NICE ONE you!!! Good luck with the rest of the semester!

Melia :)
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline ndrew

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Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2006, 06:49:18 PM »
Hi Melia,

Thanks!  I am really trying!

I think sometimes I get over excited and think, "This is who I am and I have NOTHING to be ashamed of and it is YOU the ignorant people who need to learn about HIV/AIDS and show some respect."  I also remember that I was once negative (scared) and I have learned a lot...

I think it is enough sometimes to be out as a gay man at a big 10 university (in the U.S.) and why make things more complicated.  There are people who one can help by them just knowing you are there and doing your thing.  I will take my time with this.  I am more interested in finding a partner for a while- I missed the spring, there was no summer love... perhaps I will find someone to keep me warm in fall and winter  :) ???

I like the "cards on the table upfront" approach in theory, but it's a journey.  Mostly it is irrelevant to our jobs, but in certain cases it is nice to have an understanding colleague or boss.  I think it is how you frame it.  I put an energy behind it- "if you are going to discriminate or reject me, it reflects on you and your ignorance and fear."  I have also used a guilt tactic by telling the other person how difficult the stigma is for a disease, but that there are many intelligent people who are supportive and understanding, etc.  THIS IS THE 21ST CENTURY GOD DAMMIT!!!  This puts the burden on them, they should bear the shame, not us. 

As Madonna puts it on her new album...

"This is who I am
You can like it or not
You can love me or leave me
Cause I'm never gonna stop, no no"

I am sorry about what happened to you.  It also pisses me off, but we have to deal with assholim in this world.  Please let us know how this plays out and know that I am here for you in whatever way I can help and support you.  There are beautiful, kind people in the world and we have to band together with them and fix the stupidness...

I find comfort knowing there are others like yourself dealing with these issues  :)


Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2006, 07:51:24 AM »
Congrats on you lecture! wow 100 people is a big crowd. Good for you. I just spoke to 60 kids, and i was shaking so bad after 10 minutes I couldn't read my notes. I admire your courage.
I'm glad you are feeling happy.
Positive since 1985

Offline david25luvit

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  • Member since March 2005
Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2006, 08:05:09 AM »
ATTA BOY....congradulations my good buddy.  You're an inspiration and a delightful youngman.
Wishing you all the good stuff you can handle and then a little more :-*
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2006, 09:23:37 AM »
Drew,  I really enjoyed your post..  That sence of balance is what we are all looking to find in life with and without the protien problem.   William has worked in higher Ed for the past 26 years.. Started at CU Boulder and quit and moved up here and is working for our college system in da mountains.  He loves the kids as you do... Its his mission and passion.   I am so happy that you do what you do for them.  And if you can be out to them,  hats off..  Secrets Kill in my book, but there again, a happy balance must and can be found.     

Have a great Holiday Drew!


Offline ndrew

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Re: Feelin' Happy!
« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2006, 11:02:58 PM »
hi there, thanks!

JeffreyJ, I have been teaching since 2000, so I have a bit more of a comfort level, never taught so many, but I know how it works.  I was always shy and freaked out, but I keep at it and the performer in me is coming out!  The next time you speak will be better, if you do, eventually it can be a lot of fun!

Thanks David, trust me, I have PLENTY of good stuff on my plate :) Thanks for your lovely words!

Eric, I am working on balance...  thanks for sharing your partner's story, I do love teaching.  I agree secrets kill, its nicer to be free!



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