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Author Topic: Walk on wild side...scared.  (Read 2737 times)

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Offline sayer

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Walk on wild side...scared.
« on: August 23, 2010, 06:04:48 AM »
Let me start by thanking for the resource you provide.   I attended a bisexual party in the bay area thrown by a women and her bisexual husband. There were some other men and one other women there.  This is only exposure for the last three months.

I only had sex with the wife, she performed a little oral and then a condom was used with her on top.   I ejaculated but she continued to thrust a few more times.  While pulling out,  I reached for the condom and felt it was not on Mr. Happy but my sperm was coming out of the condom.  So it may have been on when it pulled out and  1) slipped off at last moment, or 2)  not on during the short gyration period.(yikes)

Sounds strange that I would not know but I don't, maybe shock at the moment affected my recollection.  I quickly headed for shower.  

I started felling what I think is anxiety since I have no fever or noticeable swollen nodes.  Can anxiety cause dull pain under both pits of the arms and radiate toward the elbow,  and general malaise. (At weeks 2) Or is it ARS???
Reading other sources, I know that an early test is almost useless but somewhat therapeutic and gives a baseline, for me at 16 days = negative. (home access 24 hour test.I  think that it is an ELISA antibody test)

I guess my question is:
1)  What is my risk for the condom slippage if I was flaccid and inserted vaginal for short duration followed by showering 2 minutes later?  HIV status unknown as email and phone calls were not answered. And as I was leaving she said that everything is good, your "safe", not too reassuring.
2)  The reason for really generating a new thread as there are similar questions but none that address bi- and multiple partner situation, and the couple seems to throw these parties  regularly.  Is this an large addition risk during a) multiple partners, and 2)MSM population they engage with them(they claim is that all sex is always "covered" with women?
Mainly, oral event is given by women and men.  No MSM anal is allowed at these parties, but who knows what happens outside these parties.  Occasional women/men sex with condoms. 

Even with the accepted risk, I assume condom would keep me safe but my anxiety is sky high.  Am I infected?  Should I have started PEP?  Too late now. I am at 3 weeks.

Should I go find PCR testing and start meds quickly.  Did anyone on this board start meds early, did it make a difference?
« Last Edit: August 23, 2010, 06:28:55 AM by sayer »

Offline Ann

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Re: Walk on wild side...scared.
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2010, 08:40:40 AM »

Slow down. You don't need PCR testing and you certainly did not need PEP.

It sounds like the condom came off while you withdrew. That's what will happen if you don't grasp the base of the condom BEFORE you attempt to withdraw. Your cum was inside the condom and there is no doubt in my mind that this is what happened. If you pulled out completely enough to be outside the condom, a), you would not have been able to re-insert your flaccid self and b), if you were still hard enough and had reinserted yourself without the condom on, you would have pushed the condom up inside of her and she would have had to "dig" it out. This clearly did not happen.

So the bottom line is that you didn't have a risk.

All the questions you ask regarding multiple sex partners are irrelevant. You (and they) can have as much sex as you want as long as you make sure condoms are being used for anal or vaginal intercourse. It really is that simple!

Here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS SPECIFIC INCIDENT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Walk on wild side...scared.
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2010, 08:40:59 AM »
No, PEP is not warranted. Clearly the condom covered youi during intercourse and perhaps came off only as you withdrew. If it came off somewhat earlier the risk would still have been low.

You can if you wish test at 13 weeks just for peace of mind and collect what I certainly expect would be a negative result. HIV is not easily transmitted. It's significantly more difficult to transmit from female to male than the other way around. Since your sperm was in the condom it seems likely to me that the condom slipped off as you withdrew which is not unusual.

There is nothing HIV specific about your symptoms but then you need to know that neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms is ever the way to know about HIV status. When there has been a real risk, only an HIV test at 13 weeks can give you a conclusive negative result,

You do need to know that other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV. So we advise anyone who is sexually active to regularly have a full STD panel done. That means at least annually.

This time out if you decide to test I expect a negative result.

Andy Velez

Offline sayer

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Re: Walk on wild side...scared.
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2010, 05:00:40 AM »
Andy and Ann-

I have read and reread your replies on more than one occasion, they are very comforting.   Understanding that the best advice you can give to those of us who are seeking answers are based wholly on the stories that we give.  My story is no different, I am giving the best of my recollection.   But it is my recollection I can not seem to cement into my mind.  

One would believe that things like this would be like brilliant flashes that slow down so much we can pinpoint exactly what occurred.  Ann your response makes so much sense it has led me down the path of questioning of different ways I could penetrate without burrowing the condom.   The possibilities of changing the risk of my scenario to insertive sex  is like an interloper in the shadows, lingering and festering.  

I wish sometimes you moderators had a slap app... to jolt us and level us; ultimately reassuring us.

Instead I have my frail psyche, running my finger down the list of symptoms with an aha, there is my sore neck with no-swelling but painful lumps .    I am weak  and got my second Home Access Test  at 23 days post exposure(it was negative).  Emotionally, just waiting for that other shoe to fall, bracing for the tidal wave of bad news.  

I guess my question is trying to determine if limited exposure was real, then in the multiple partner situation, would the theoretical risk that Andy commented above be a moderate risk and not low risk.  

Three month test seems so far away.   Are the home access test(generation one test) accurate indicators at 6 weeks?  I only ask because I have seen anecdotal posting where even the FDA approve testing of 1st generation test has improved. 
« Last Edit: August 31, 2010, 05:03:03 AM by sayer »

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Walk on wild side...scared.
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2010, 08:18:13 AM »
You continue to make this way more complicated than it need be. The Home Access test is an FDA approved test. Go ahead and test at 6 weeks if you need to for your peace of mind. Given what you have reported I certainly expect a negative result then as well as at 13 weeks. 
Andy Velez


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