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Author Topic: Well, it's been one year now  (Read 950 times)

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Offline ElZorro

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  • Posts: 535
Well, it's been one year now
« on: July 04, 2010, 01:39:04 PM »
A year since becoming infected. I'll be 45 this month and the meds and my doctors will likely keep me alive for as long as I would have lived before becoming infected. I guess I should find solace in that and be happy. Unfortunately, that seems to be easier said than done. I'm still really pissed off at myself for letting this happen and scared about what the future holds. And, I WANT MY FUCKING LIFE BACK!

I regularly read about the research that is underway and try to remain hopeful that a miracle is going to occur and that this *@&%! virus will become a thing of the past.

My treatment is through the VA and I worry that some government cuts will arise and take that away and I will have to worry about how to afford the meds I'm on. I don't have any other medical insurance and earn well above what are apparently the thresholds for assistance.  That doesn't mean that I have an extra $2k a month to spend on meds, though.

I haven't figured out how to date yet and don't know if I ever will. I turn down a lot of offers because I'm just not ready or able to have to deal with disclosing my status to someone I might meet and like.

These forums have been a blessing of sorts, though. I can see that friendships have formed and there are some good people out here who are living normal lives; I do gather a bit of inspiration from that.

Just rambling I guess  :P

Happy 4th to everyone

Offline hjeffs

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  • Posts: 65
Re: Well, it's been one year now
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2010, 02:07:08 PM »
Its good to ramble. Some times I get my greatest insights when I ramble and see what I am really thinking and feeling. Ramble away, and yes some very good and insightfull people here to help us all along. This is year 5 for me and it gets easier each year for me when I stay in touch with myself and find time to learn about me. I find it is best when I am easier on myself and give myself a little room to be human. Be good to yourself and care for you. Everything will fall into place. Its not the easiest road to look inside of ourselves but the wisdom from this place will make for a greater future. You are not broken, just a bump in the road. I don't mean to minimize what you are feeling or even try to know what that is for you but coming from a place of my own experience and hardships and tears. Goodness is there, just a hard road. Hang in there and keep rambling. ramble more and let it out for the goodness of you and those that read it and know that they are not alone and your feelings are shared by others. Maybe that's it, to know that we are not alone. You are not alone. Be well. thinking about you and will hold you in good thoughts! 


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