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Author Topic: end  (Read 4643 times)

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Offline penguin

  • Member
  • Posts: 747
  • The Penguin Whisperer
« on: August 26, 2006, 06:13:07 AM »
My partner , of several years & too much happiness to put into words, came home last night, late, made a cursory remark about the price of petrol these days,  & announced that our relationship is over.

She is, maybe, she thinks, still in love with someone else, and needs to go and find that out.  This someone being her 8-years ago ex. Me, liberal, enlightened, trusting, and maybe just plain stupid, welcomed this person into our home to stay the other week when she was nearby for work.

No warning, no arguments, a quiet murmuring last week, something about whether love and in- love were the same thing? Apart from that, nothing,  just ending. Apparently, there is nothing to talk about, this is a done deal, not open for discussion. I have been having problems with medication, feeling crappy   &  I havenít slept more than a few hours/night recently. So maybe I just didnít notice , I donít know

We were talking about getting married, or civil partnered, or whatever you call it, only a while ago.  Why am I writing this in an internet forum

canít seem to put the words together out loud, they get all jumbled, wrapped up in each other like wool caught on barbed wire fences. why is it when you need people most you just get answering machines?
she decided to go and stay elsewhere last night , the house  feels cavernously empty.  I am thinking about the kitchen flooring, which hasnít been finished yet, wondering who will do that? And her share of this house it is ever so slightly bigger than mine, something ridiculous like 5% so does that mean I will be the one leaving? She doesnít know how to look after the garden though and she can never manage to make the waste disposal work on her own

Donít know really what this has to do with hiv, the living with it.. maybe nothing, maybe everything


Offline bobik

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  • Posts: 315
    • My worksite
Re: end
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2006, 06:39:00 AM »
Dear Kate,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can imagine you are puzzled by such a sudden change in his opinion on what you two have together.

Supporting hug

Coen Honig at Facebook

Offline carousel

  • Member
  • Posts: 821
Re: end
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2006, 06:51:00 AM »
« Last Edit: February 15, 2007, 11:11:20 AM by carousel »

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: end
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2006, 06:54:39 AM »
Damn what a bitch of a sitsuation...Good luck, keep a stiff upper lip man.
Positive since 1985

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,138
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: end
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2006, 07:36:12 AM »

So sorry...

More hugs,
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,754
Re: end
« Reply #5 on: August 26, 2006, 08:49:24 AM »

Im so sorry this is happening.

Big Hugs
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline david25luvit

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: end
« Reply #6 on: August 26, 2006, 09:20:51 AM »

             My heart goes out to you sweetie.  What a devastating situation.  Perhaps she'll realize her mistake quickley and come home.  I remember when David and I first got together...we had such a hard time melding together that first year.  He kept thinking I wouldn't be there for him when things got bad....  He left me for a couple of months and it broke my heart...so I understand what you're feeling right now.  Hang in there sweetie.  Try to keep yourself busy....Sometimes things happen for a reason ...Hang in there!  You will be OK
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: end
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2006, 09:27:12 AM »
There are some small bluffs here with a few cedars growing on them.  They have struggled between the rocks and are twisted by the angle and exposure to the elements.  Unlike the other cedars, they show their own strength and beauty.  In this way they are complete and solitary, but together they are a small set of wonderous bonsais.

This is like an unexpected car crash or an assassination, clearly you are left barren, staring at the pieces and wondering WHAT THE FWASTHAT?  Please take good care for yourself in this difficult time.


Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: end
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2006, 09:39:23 AM »
Sorry to hear about this. Better times will come. I hope you get what you want darling. And don't forget: Many people stay friends after a breakup. Example: Me and my ex-boyfriend

Offline Christine

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  • Posts: 1,069
Re: end
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2006, 09:55:16 AM »
Hi Kate,
I am so sorry. You are not stupid or to trusting. Try not to go to the "what did I do wrong" thought, because you did not do anything wrong. You love her, and you shared your life with her. Don't worry about the house right now. Take care of your heart, and your health. Huge hugs for you.
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: end
« Reply #10 on: August 26, 2006, 09:57:29 AM »

These are always painful times. Know that you are loved.


Offline frenchpat

  • Member
  • Posts: 519
  • Love your friends, don't eat them.
Re: end
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2006, 11:12:17 AM »

a very warm HUG to you in those circumstances. wish you to find the strength and keep the focus on what is most important in this: YOU.

Lots of love

Pat  :-* :-* :-*
People have the power - Patti Smith

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: end
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2006, 01:11:07 PM »

I better say nothing...just HUG SWEETIE!!!!!

Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline newt

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  • Posts: 3,896
  • the one and original newt
Re: end
« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2006, 01:45:34 PM »
bugger...big hug. - matt

PS - 5% makes no difference rights-wise.
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: end
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2006, 01:59:50 PM »

I am so very sorry we have not been introduced yet.  Now I come and do some catching up, and see this train wreck happening to you. 

I want to give you something here that will maybe help you see this event in another light.  The coolness of this report, obviously reflects the depth of the quandry that you find yourself in now.  Please do me a favor, and try desperately not to dwell on what is obviously not left of this relationship.  Make every attempt to dig very deeply into your Woman Power, and center yourself and that power.  You are on a pathway that includes the "gift" of HIV, and with that gift, the challenge to make a life out of situations that are at best; shitty.  Somehow you made the decision to share with us, and that is a very good decision, as this will be a place where you can come along your pathway, to share, cry, laugh, and hopefully grow with your HIV.  Just remember in all of this, that HIV is merely a viral protein, and not by any means the whole of who we are. 

Step away from this event, move proudly and bravely into the future, always making sure that Kate's needs, dreams, desires, and limitations are all being taken into consideration.  Only then can we make the correct decisions for us, and only then can we be sure that we are not mixing the "needs" of others into our focus.

You can do it Kate, and I have every expectation that you will pull yourself out of this dark hole and into the light.  Be kind to you, and treat youself with gentleness.  Draw a bath, surround it with candles and insense, play some quiet music and just give a nice private time to yourself.  It helps, I promise, I do it often.

In Love and Support.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Alain

  • Member
  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
Re: end
« Reply #15 on: August 26, 2006, 04:29:52 PM »
« Last Edit: November 04, 2006, 01:48:49 PM by cowandalehouse »

Offline penguin

  • Member
  • Posts: 747
  • The Penguin Whisperer
Re: end
« Reply #16 on: August 26, 2006, 04:53:22 PM »
thank you everyone for so much kindness

today feels like super-massive black hole


Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: end
« Reply #17 on: August 26, 2006, 11:10:45 PM »
Hello Kate, it is Eldon. I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. A similar situation happened to me last year and it tore me apart. In this situation, as Tim said; you want to think of what is BEST for you right now.

It is a tough situation but hold your head up high and continue to live your life to the fullest.

Have the BEST Day.


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