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Author Topic: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with  (Read 2814 times)

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Offline Emilio

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Hello team,

am new to this forum and would like to know how you drop the news to someone you are feeling hot with? because it ain t an easy subject...

Thanks for your advice  :)

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2006, 06:39:34 PM »
Hi Emilio, welcome to the forum.

One suggestion would be to have a "condom talk" with him. Say something along the lines of "Have you got any condoms handy? Because I only do it with condoms". See what response you get and take it from there. After all, he could be positive too and relieved you brought condom use up.

« Last Edit: August 23, 2006, 06:41:23 PM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline IzPoz

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Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2006, 10:30:41 PM »
I was recently in a situation where, I knew the guy for 20+ years, we dated in the past, and knew we were going to see each other.  I asked him one time what he would do if a girl he was really attracted to suddenly announces she's got HIV.  His response was "run away nicely", but when push came to shove, I told him and he didn't run away.

But it's a difficult situation to be in, one that I dread finding myself in with someone I haven't known for so long.
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline LatinAlexander

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  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2006, 11:01:52 PM »
Well, I prefer to say the truth, loiking ot the eyes...It's tough, but I think that is the right thing to do.

Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline cubbybear

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  • Joined August 2005.
Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2006, 11:12:00 PM »
Just have safe sex and let your morals be your guide.  What ever you choose to do will be the right thing at that time.  Ann said it best.  If it's not on, it's not on.
There's a bear in there!
Positive since 2000
Diagnosed 17/9/2005 CD4 35 VL 293,000
Meds 23/9/2005 Sustiva/Truvada
Currently CD4 232 VL Undetectable

Offline Eldon

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Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2006, 11:38:26 PM »
Hello Emilio, it is Eldon. First of all welcome to the forums where you will find understanding, support, fun, and many answers to your questions relating to HIV/AIDS. Here you will find a great group of individuals with a lot of information.

As Ann said; have a "condom talk" with him, see what response you get and take it from there. Let your conscious be your guide. However, you should tell your potential partner that you are HIV positive before having sex.

I know it is a tough subject to bring up, however it is the right thing to do. Use protection at all times when engaging in sexual activities.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2006, 11:40:28 PM by Eldon »

Offline fearless

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Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2006, 11:57:51 PM »
hey Emilio,

It ain't easy, but I think you may find that you are pleasantly surprised (or horrified) by the response. I'm not gonna stand here and shake the finger and tell you that you must disclose all the time and at all costs, as I don't believe it is that simple. However, in my experience of disclosure I've never had any negative response that I've noticed. On most occassions the other person was grateful that I had the courage to raise it and it has not turned them off - the pleasant surprise. Sometimes in turns out that they are poz too and all the stress just disappears.

But, be prepared for any reaction as you really don't know how the other person will react. I have been both horrified and put off on occassion when despite my disclosure the other person just shrugs it off and exclaims that they want unsafe sex, or makes a statement like, it's OK I'm only a top. At this time, it is exit stage left for me.

Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline ACinKC

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Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2006, 10:54:43 AM »
Toss em your meds and say get these ready while I go get some water!!!

Just thought id put a funny visual in there.  Cause OMG wouldnt it be nice!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A

Offline Emilio

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Re: How do you drop the news to someone you may have a raunchy night with
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2006, 02:12:35 PM »
LOL, am not on meds yet, so can't throw them to anyone.

Thanks for all the replies. Ann is right in breaking the ice with a safer sex talk and see where it leads, but it is the actual  saying it: "By the way, I am a high fiver" or "You should know that I am HIV +" that is more problematic. So I normally avoid the dating business and have been single since the diagnosis. Sex used to be more fun, now it is a problem, with the underlying thought thay I may pass the virus on. Wishful thinking, but I d like there were more Berlin-style clubs in London for HIV+ , at least you know where you stand from the beginning.



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