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Author Topic: Living in Gratitude  (Read 1293 times)

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Offline wow1969

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  • Posts: 208
Living in Gratitude
« on: January 28, 2010, 08:26:26 PM »
Two years ago when I found out my life was forever changed by HIV I thought it was over ... There were some really dark days and numb days and some days when I thought "What's the point? I might as well end it" ... No matter what people told me, I thought my life was over.

Yes, people told me and told that it's not the end .. that I don't know what the future holds .. but I wasn't realy listening - i couldn't - things were just changed forever.

The truth is, it is all changed forever. I'm completely healthy. I am not on meds. I've started training for marathons again.

But what really changed my view was this last week of my life. I'm sure that some of you saw my post about how to live alone with HIV, which unintentioally became a conversation about my relationship. But that has provided the basis for a pretty amazing moment in my life.

My partner and I broke up - it was messy to be honest.
Then, after the dust settled, my ex, who I rarely speak to, stepped in unexpectedly and saved the relationship by sorting out the mess we had made and didn't know what to do with.
Then my partner and I get back together.
Then I realized that my ex, who was extremely abusive, has changed alot and is now a better person. I was able to forgive them for everything and after years move on.
Then my best friend who disappeared reappeared and we are talking again ... we haven't spoken in 2 years.
Then ... I made a real time friend who has HIV .. I finally have someone in my real life I can talk to about this crap.
Then ... I made another new friend out of the blue ...

And all of this happened in a five day period. My life is usually so boring. Since I was diagnosed, the only thing I've dealt with is HIV ... Everything else is just going along.

The stuff with my partner was unbelievably painful. I love him so much that I thought I was dying when it ended. But now that it's over ... I wouldn't change the last week for anything ... Without this situation, I would never have had the opportunity to forgive my ex. My relationship would still slowly be dying and is now thriving again. In the last few days, I made new friends.

This was the week I learned that there is no way I can truly predict the future. This has been a wonderful week because, even though it hurt, I ended up richer when it was over. I realized that my life is worth fighting for. That I may have this disease but I don't know what is going to happen in a few years or even next week. Why deprive myself of a potentially amazing future by letting it defeat me today?

This was the week I learned to live in gratitude for the amazing things that I have, the wonderful people I know and the future that hold amazing unknowns for me.


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