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Author Topic: how can someone be so mean?  (Read 5627 times)

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Offline snoofle

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  • Posts: 54
how can someone be so mean?
« on: January 26, 2010, 11:36:36 PM »
the past few days have been very difficult, not health-wise, but in every other aspect. my bf and i went out last saturday for his little sisters birthday and while we were out, i was approached my a girl that i am not very fond of who wanted to talk to me privately and explain her side of the story regarding some past issues we had. during the course of our conversation, she randomly mentioned out of nowhere that she "knew" about my bfs status. she said that she and another girl that she was friends with (whom my bf was also pretty good friends with) were "warned" by another individual regarding his status. wtf is that!? being "warned"!? i told him as soon as we got home and he was very depressed and angry. so he apparently found out who did the warning and has yet to confront them. one of the girls stressed that she was not being malicious, but just mentioned in passing that she was not sure if it was true or not, but that it was something to know. i have absolutely no trust in any of these people, but as of now, it is all my bf and i have to go on. my bf tried to do damage control with the first two girls that spoke to me and explain it was a malicious rumor, but i dont know how well that worked. but they stressed, they never have nor would they ever tell anyone. again, i dont have much trust but ill pray they keep that promise.

so early this morning, my bf calls me veryyyy upset. of course, i assume its b/c of the whole situation with this girl that warned these other 2 girls. but it was not. last nite, he got a few blocked calls and a voice mail which he listened to this morning. it said "hi, i'm doing project for school and heard you from the two girls that you had AIDS, and well damn that sucks. but don't worry i'll try to call again later..have a nice life. well a short one at least."

all of you will understand how disgusting, hurtful, malicious, and pure evil this truly is. i immediately saw red and wanted to rip some people up. i immediately called the two girls and bombarded them with questions and demanded explanations. they again swore they never told and said they would try to figure out who sent that. my bf said he'd call a few of his cop buddies tomorrow and see if they can do a trace on this blocked number and try to find out who it is.

this was just the most stressful and hurtful day for me and especially him. i feel absolutely awful and i wish he could get a break in life. b/c this is something we have been able to keep a secret for over 6 yrs since his dad died from AIDS. and i honestly don't know what to do...im so lost...

Offline hotpuppy

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  • Posts: 555
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2010, 05:35:03 PM »
Snoofle, I'm sorry to hear about the hate that you and your partner have experienced.  True friends these wenches are not.

I urge you to ignore their nonsense.  Karma is a bitch of a banker and what they are doing is bad karma.  These things have a way of fixing themselves.

When you engage in the hate you grant the hater power over your life.  I think you are stronger than that. 

It's important for you and your bf to be there for each other and not let the hate dominate your thoughts.  There are a few things you can do:

- When someone brings it up remind them that even if someone is HIV+ it is a private matter and unless they are planning on fucking him or sharing needles it's a moot point.
- Turn the tables and ask how Tanya Tongue-Wagger knows this?  Ask her if she is also HIV+.  That will likely shut her up.  If she says "sally" said so, ask if Sally is HIV+? 
- Face it head on.  Respond with, "I appreciate your concern, but it is not your business.  I'd appreciate it if you did not gossip."

Most people will stop with 1 of those 3 responses.

In the meanwihle, remember..... Misery loves company, so don't drop to their level if you can avoid it.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline Hellraiser

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  • Posts: 4,154
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2010, 07:08:19 PM »
It doesn't seem like you or your boyfriend like any of these people so my suggestion is to ignore them and stop speaking to them as effectively as you are able.  Don't dignify any of that sort of behavior with a response because it's not worth it and obviously if they're trying to get a rise out of you denying them that opportunity will stop them.

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 13,406
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2010, 07:50:36 PM »
Look dear, you can't control malicious gossip, true or false. In fact this gossip is true. Support your bf and and don't get involved in any way, no communication whatsoever with these gossipers.  If they confront you, just say "Wow, you have a lot of nerve spreading such gossip."

They are simply ignorant.  They probably see no harm in thinking that someone's HIV status is something to be warned about.  Just rise above this.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,879
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2010, 08:27:01 PM »
  I don't condone violence however, in this instance "tearing them up" would bring me personal satisfaction.  A nice swift kick to the stomach would no doubt bring you the instant gratification both you and your boyfriend deserve.

  Then the nightmare that follows would no doubt bring you more grief than anything that's happend up to this point.  From the extreme being an altercation, to the least- you confronting them, will only add fuel to their malicious fire.   Both of you should distance yourselves from these people, they have proved they are worthless to you.

   Forgive them for their ignorance, change your cell numbers, and move on...

   Do you live in a small town?  Is this one of those everyone knows everyone's business type places?

Edited for typo
« Last Edit: February 01, 2010, 11:24:17 PM by skeebo1969 »
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline snoofle

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  • Posts: 54
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2010, 11:05:28 PM »
Thanks for the responses. I liked the three suggestions the first poster suggested. As for the small town question, I do not live in one..I'm in Atlanta, unfortunately I'm part of a small, people all up in your business minority community, in which HIV (and any STD or sexual behavior in general) is very stigmatized. I guess a lot of my anxiety, stress, and anger also stems from the fact that his younger siblings could be directly affected by this revelation should it get out and treated like crap within our community. Sometimes, I'd just love to drop everything and move to a new city and start over. Thanks again.

Offline Sebastian1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2010, 05:26:34 PM »
Bottomline is we are all human and the human race at times is mean and cruel.  Ignore these people, do you really care what they think or say? 
You said you are "part of a small, people all up in your business minority community, in which HIV (and any STD or sexual behavior in general) is very stigmatized", I think we all are to one point or another, people do not need to know your business or your boyfriends--HIV is a private matter and if your partner's status is brought up in conversation, walk away and don't look back.  You don't need people like that in your life.
Picking up and moving solves nothing, the same type people live everywhere, Atlanta is a large place, seek out some new groups, new friends, and new people for support.

Offline Stone

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  • Posts: 56
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2010, 01:04:29 AM »
The other risk of feeding into this crap is that you actually add validity to what they are saying.  You know the saying, "I think he protests too much"?  It is hard but you have to let this one go.  I have an autoimmune disease that I don't want people knowing about.  It is not that I am ashamed, rather I don't want people looking at me like I am sick, because I am not.  Anyway at one of my previous jobs there was a leak.  When people would come up and ask me things, I would respond to their questions with a genuine "Why do you ask?"  Then when they tried to explain why they were getting in my business without permission I would continue to ask "Why do you want to know?" or some variation.  At some point the converstation gets a bit exhausting and they give up.  Game, set, match.  These folks are like the bullys in grade school, the more attention they get the more they propagate the behavior.  Ignore them or make them work for it they go away and onto other things.   

Offline iking2009

  • Member
  • Posts: 49
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2010, 02:13:47 PM »
Wow..i wouldnt know what to do myself...I would say @ the very least, change the number..Its so sad how many people in the world dont give a damn about anyone else & this is a very clear example...sorry this is happening
"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory."
-- Rita Mae Brown

Offline Joe K

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  • Member
  • Posts: 5,820
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2010, 07:19:04 PM »
I abhor hateful people and you should check if Georgia has any laws, against people disclosing your status.  Most states do and if they do, the next time you see these girls, tell them if one more person mentions anything about this to you, you will be prosecuting them to the full extent of the law.  While their jaws are open, you can also comment how you may just sue them for intentional infliction of emotional distress and seek a couple hundred thousand as damages.

Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
Re: how can someone be so mean?
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2010, 01:28:20 PM »
I wish I has seen this thread earlier.

I dealt with the same situation a few months ago. The girl friend of one of the few people who knows my status snooped around read our emails. She found out I am pos (because my friend and I discuss a lot about my health by email...and now I know better than to write about it).
She got jealous and insecure because we have a close friendship and share secrets, and she called me to "threaten" me, insinuating on telling about my status to the four corners of the earth if I did not stop communicating with him.

I sternly warned her that I will sue her if she ever went around talking about my status to anyone, because I had never intended to tell her, if she had not been so insecure in her relationship as to read other people's letters....I dont know if she has gone telling others, and rumours are not something I can control, but if it ever gets back to me and I trace it to her, I am sure suing her, even if I will need my last breathe to do it...and I let my friend know that and he supported me.

It sucks that people try to use knowledge of someone's status to hurt them, but then, we live in a mean world and all we can do to survive is to adapt and protect ourselves.
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!


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