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Author Topic: In Memory of Steve / CONFIDENTIWILLBEOK  (Read 17508 times)

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Offline confidentIwillbeOK

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  • Posts: 131
« on: November 13, 2009, 12:51:42 AM »
Dear Readers,

This is is Adam posting using Steve's account.  Unfortunately, Steve has died in a tragic skydiving accident.  He will be missed.  Here is a link to the article.  http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/21592571/detail.html
Thank you,

Steve's partner of 10 years

Offline Nashvegas

  • Member
  • Posts: 196
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2009, 07:55:53 AM »
Oh my God.   How horrible.  My thoughts and prayers are with you, Adam, as well as Steve's family and your family.   
8/12/06 - sero-conversion
9/14/06 -- Positive Test results confirmed
9/21/06 -- CD4 - 586; viral load 8,000; 29%
12/25/06 -- CD4 - 373; VL 2,800; 23%
2/10/07 - CD4 - 228; VL 865; 25%
3/15/07 -  CD4 - 365 (no viral load test)
5/1/07 = CD4 - 341; VL 4,358; 27%
8/1/07 - CD4 - 315; VL - 2,300; 25%
9/20/07 - CD4 - 378
11/22/07 - CD4 - 257; VL 7,300;
2/27/08 - CD4 231 (16.5 %), VL 5,960
5/20/08 - CD4 229 (18.3%), VL 11,100
6/17/08 - CD4 166 (14.5%), VL 9,030
7/2/08 - CD4 272 (20%), VL 113  :-)
7/16/08 - CD4 -217 (21.1 %), VL - Undetectable
7/30/08 - CD4 - 220 (20.4%). VL - 92
8/14/08 - CD4 - 280 (22%) VL-undetectable
1/04/09 - CD4 - 250 (28%) VL-UD
5/15/09 - CD4 -393 (28%) VL-UD
8/15/09 - CD4-346, (26%) VL-UD
11/15/09 - CD4-373 (28%)

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2009, 08:22:39 AM »
Dear Adam,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be such a shock for you, to lose him in such an abrupt manner. My thoughts are with you and your families.

I added Steve to our directory - as Steve H (aka forum member "CONFIDENTIWILLBEOK"). I almost used his full last name, but decided against it as you didn't use it in your post. I don't know the circumstances as to whether or not he was out about his status to friends and family, so I didn't want them to end up here if they googled his name to find news items about his death. You've all got enough on your plate right now without inadvertent disclosure being added into the mix.

Another forum member, who met Steve at the AMG, has posted a link to this thread in the Living forum, so please also visit that thread. click here

Thank you for posting, Adam. Please take care of yourself during this stressful time.


« Last Edit: November 13, 2009, 08:24:35 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Inchlingblue

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« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2009, 10:21:26 AM »
During the short time he was on these forums he made quite an impression. I always enjoyed reading his posts, which were always thoughtful, caring and intelligent (and never boring!). I didn't meet him personally but just from reading his posts on here it was obvious he was quite a guy.

His reaction to getting HIV was very inspiring to me. He faced it head on and did not seem scared. He saw it as another of life's challenges and faced it with strength and dignity. He will be missed.

I like to think, in keeping with his user name, that he is definitely OK.
« Last Edit: November 13, 2009, 10:25:46 AM by Inchlingblue »

Offline emeraldize

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« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2009, 10:30:53 AM »
Hello Adam,

I watched this story on the evening news and now to learn it was a forum member, brings it close and is all the more saddening. I am sorry for your loss and Steve's family's loss.

Having taken two jumps, although tandem, I had a taste of what a thrill it is to be suspended in the quiet before drifting into sounds of nature and the noise of human existence.

May you, his family and friends take some measure of comfort knowing he died doing something that delighted him.


Offline komnaes

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  • Posts: 1,899
« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2009, 10:56:13 AM »
I am so sorry of your loss. Steve was only with us for a short time but he will surely be missed...

Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline camille07

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  • Posts: 574
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2009, 12:46:21 PM »
So sorry to read about this.  I had read the story previously and thought "how horrible".  My condolences.


Offline GNYC09

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  • Posts: 702
« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2009, 06:44:15 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear this. I never met Steve but enjoyed his posts.  His personality really shined through and he was so kind and helpful.  My condolences.

Offline max123

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  • Posts: 377
  • Carpe Diem
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2009, 08:59:57 PM »
hi adam.

this is incredibly sad to read.

steve & i were diagnosed at roughly the same time...within days of one another. we both found this site shortly thereafter. in fact, steve was one of the first people i had spoken with on this forum. it was through online messages that steve recommended that i buy gallant's book, 101 questions about hiv. steve was knowledgeable, articulate and above all, confident. both steve and the book helped me understand the new life that i was embarking upon. i will miss chatting with him here on the forum and checking up on how each other was doing.

i wish for you all of the healing power that steve's love for you commanded. you were his rock. he had mentioned how blessed he felt to be going through his diagnosis with your support as his partner, and as someone who was also recently diagnosed not too far before him. this time must be no doubt devastating to you, with your own diagnosis, then steve's and now, his sudden loss.

i wish you continued good health and strength...to carry on with your life, as i am confident steve would want. please take care of yourself.


1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline Snowangel

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  • Posts: 1,416
« Reply #9 on: November 13, 2009, 09:11:31 PM »
I am so sorry to hear this horrible news.  I am shocked and can't even to begin to imagine how you and his other family members are feeling. Steve was such a thoughtful, caring person with a great sense of humor.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline Rev. Moon

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« Reply #10 on: November 13, 2009, 10:41:31 PM »
Adam, I am extremely sorry for your loss and very saddened by these news.  Steve and I interacted via PM quite often as we both joined the forums around the same time.  I was looking forward to meeting him at next year's AMG.  He was always such a kind and caring fella with lost of support and good advice for new members.  He always mentioned you as his hubby with much love and respect. 

Again, my condolences.  You are in my thoughts.

"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline ruralguy

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« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2009, 09:32:50 AM »
Steve posted the following quotes from Gallant's book in a message to someone else who had just been diagnosed.  He said, if I remember right, that he wrote this to send to his mother after he had told her.  I read it on these boards and it meant a lot to me.  Seems appropriate to post it again here.  Thanks you for this Steve:

  * (first sentences in the book) Your prognosis is excellent! HIV infection is not the progressive, fatal illness it was in the late 80's and early 90's.
    * With the right treatment, HIV infection is now a chronic, manageable disease.
    * If it didn't come with so much emotional, social, and historical baggage, people would react to the diagnosis the way they might if they learned they had diabetes or arthritis.....treatment for HIV is now easier and more effective than treatment for either of those diseases.
    * The development of antiretroviral therapy is up there with the discovery of penicillin as one of the most important and effective medical achievements of the 20'th century, and treatment keeps getting better in the 21'st.  ART has completely changed the outlook for people with HIV infection
    * If you take your medications faithfully, you can keep HIV in check indefinitely, having to change therapy only because of side effects or because better drugs come along....you should plan on sticking around for a long time, living long enough to die of old age
    * ...I do feel comfortable telling my patients that,together, we can almost eliminate the possibility that they'll ever die of AIDS
    * It may be hard to believe now but in time HIV infection may be low on your list of daily concerns, having little impact on the life you lead and the decisions you make
    * ....fortunately, treatment today is highly effective, and deaths from HIV disease are now mostly preventable in countries where therapy is available and affordable
    * ....treatment can prevent HIV infection from turning into AIDS, and it can restore the health of people with AIDS
    * It's also worth noting that most of the other diseases that we suffer from in the developed world are also chronic, incurable, but treatable diseases.  Think of diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease,  heart failure, arthritis - none of them curable, all of them manageable (though not always as easily manageable as HIV infection)
    * Someday - maybe not in my lifetime, we'll cure HIV infection
    * In about 15 years, we've seen HIV infection go from being an almost universally fatal, untreatable illness to a manageable, chronic disease and treatment became easier and better in the 10 years that followed.

And he always mentioned you you, Adam, were doing.  Hang in there.  I can't imagine what we can do for you but please know you'll find infinitely deep support here.
tested positive June 19, 2009
7/3/09 vrl 9000 cd4 - 300
8/14/09 cd4 - 350, 20%
started Atripla 9/14/09
10/5/09 vrl undetectable, WOW so fast!
12/28/09 vrl undetectable, CD4 - 615  27% cholesterol down, kidney function normal
4/26/10 vrl undetectable, CD4-600, kidney and liver numbers normal
9/9/10 vrl undetectable, CD4-685
1/3/11 vrl undetectable, CD4-700
all 2011 and Jan 2012 visits vrl undetectable CD4 ranged from 715-645
5/7/2012  vrl undetectable, CD4-615, all liver, kidney, lipids, heart functions, etc normal

On Atripla:  "Your mileage may vary"

Offline guyinwa77

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« Reply #12 on: November 14, 2009, 12:30:37 PM »
I wanted to say how sad it was to hear that 'confidentIwillbeOK' passed away in that tragic skydiving accident in California.  Having never met Steve in person, I could tell he was a caring and compassionate individual.  His words helped me through the early days of learning about my HIV status. 

Adam, his partner, has all my best wishes and thoughts as he grieves during this horrible moment. 

Steve, you will be missed by all of us on this forum - your mark in life will not fade.

With Love,

Sero: 08.22.09 Dx: 09.18.09
09.18.09: VL 244,000 CD4 425 %14
10.07.09: VL 67,000   CD4 ???  %9
10.08.09: Started Atripla
10.14.09: VL 942 CD4: 479 12%

Offline bmichelle

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« Reply #13 on: November 14, 2009, 08:56:20 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss. I was just replying to one of his posts. It is crazy the stuff life throws at us. Best wishes for you and your family


Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,174
  • AM member since 2003
« Reply #14 on: November 14, 2009, 09:03:54 PM »
Dearest Adam

I have just got home after being away studying for a week and was shocked to read this awful news, my heart is with you, his family and his friends..I'm glad I got to meet you guys in Boston, it was all to short but very sweet.

R.I.P Steve

In sadness
Jan :'(
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline nyc_ev

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« Reply #15 on: November 15, 2009, 11:39:37 AM »
Steve and I were diagnosed also at roughly the same time and his posts were always an inspiration to me and I'm sure many, many others.  His posts were so full of information and vitality.  He will surely be missed.  So sad to hear this news and wishing all the best for you, Adam. 
7/09 diagnosed HIV+
7/09 CD4 368,   VL 62,103,   CD4% 23%
9/09 CD4 459,   VL 260,000, CD4% 25%
10/09 started Atripla
12/09 CD4 557, VL 5,000,   CD4% 26%
2/10   CD4 592,    VL 84,    CD4% 26%
11/10 CD4 607,  VL UD
12/10 switched to Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline RAB

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  • Joined March 2003
« Reply #16 on: November 15, 2009, 12:09:11 PM »

Like Jan I've only just now discovered this thread.  I'm absolutely in shock.

Meeting the two of you in Boston was one of the highlights of AMG.  I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you and your families.

RIP Steve

RAB   :'(

Offline justaguy

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  • Posts: 83
« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2009, 02:44:35 PM »
Wow.  This is a shock, I always enjoyed his posts because he had obviously done his research and didn't have the woe is me attitude of so many of us new diagnosis members.   I liked the screenname "CONFIDENTIWILLBEOK" because it was so optimistic, which is something we could all use more of.  Adam, sorry you are having to deal with such a tremendous, unexpected loss.   :-[
Estimated infection: 3/2008
Tested HIV positive: 3/31/2009
CD4 136/unknown %/VL 150,000: 4/6/2009
Started Atripla 4/17/2009
CD4 255/19%/VL 409 5/27/2009
CD4 247/??/VL 161 6/27/2009
CD4 257/21%/VL 60 7/22/2009
CD4 352/22%/VL Undetectable 10/21/2009
CD4 490/27%/VL Undetectable 2/15/2010
CD4 397/?/VL Undetectable 7/2/2010

Offline CallMeSid

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« Reply #18 on: November 18, 2009, 01:36:00 AM »
I am VERY shocked and COMPLETELY bummed out to hear this news!

I was always impressed by the upbeat positive tone of Steve's posts and he once PM'd me about something I had posted and he was just very pleasant and friendly.  He seemed like a genuinely nice guy.  I am so sorry to hear about his passing.

Adam, my thoughts are with you.  I hope you will draw strength from the knowledge that Steve is watching out for you wherever he is.

Be well.

07/2006 HIV-negative
06/2007 HIV-positive
07/2007 CD4: 795 (40%), VL: <50
09/2007 CD4: 629 (43%), VL: 895  (~2 weeks after measles/mumps/rubella booster)
12/2007 CD4: 854 (45%), VL: <50
03/2008 CD4: 880 (45%), VL: 151
12/2008 CD4: 943 (46%), VL: 116
05/2009 CD4: 865 (44%)  VL: 107

Offline onemoretime

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« Reply #19 on: November 21, 2009, 01:47:21 AM »

I am so sorry for your loss,  His posts were so inspiring.
08/04 diag 490 cd4 vl 50,000
10/25/05 436 50,513 hvb 1.1 billion
12/13/05 truvada sustiva
02/16/06 742 und, hpb 63,000
04/27/06 740 und hpb 60,000
01/05/07 458 und hvb und
03/08   470 undetectable still on atripla. Non smoking (chantex)
08/08 cd4 550 undetectable hiv, Hep B UND. Atripla
06/09  cd4 444, vl undetectable testo 130
09/09/09 CD4 687 46% UND  Testo 213 started androgel
10/12/09 cd4 682 46% und testo 597
01/12/10 cd4 842 48% und testo 434
041010 cd4 693  53% testo 492
100410 cd4 568 48% testo 523
012711 cd4 523 hcv 56 testo 596
083011 cd4 280 Hcv/HIV und
042912 cd4 158 hcv /hiv und, was on hep c for 11 months. do have ssdi filed and getting LTD
061912 cd4 151, bactrum, hep c and hiv und
071712 cd4 287 52% HIV HCV und
112012 cd4 520

Offline mikee

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  • Posts: 26
« Reply #20 on: November 22, 2009, 04:25:07 AM »
hi there Adam,

its mikee from the philiippines.

im so sorry to hear what happened. my condolences to you and steve's family and friends. i believe i came across his post recommending the two books which could help us understand this condition better.

though i know just a little or nothing at all bout him and what he has gone through since im new in here, the fact that we lost one of our brothers saddened me.

please do take care of your self in these stressful times.
were just here.

ill include steve, his family and friends and YOU in my prayers.

always hopeful,
2008  - EIA nonreactive
01/09 - Probable infection
01/09 - HIV 1/2 Quali Serodia PA - nonreactive
04/09 - Seroconertion (rash,fever, tonsillitis)
05/09 - Recurrence of rash and fever
07/09 - Diarrhea Started
09/09 - Severe Seborrheic Dermatitis
10/09 - Reactive Fujerebio Serodia Particle Agglutination
11/21 - EIA - Reactive
           Fujerebio Serodia PA - Reactive
           WB - Positive (gp160, gp120, p66, gp41,
           p24, p17 bands were formed)
12/15 - cd4 = 66; vl = pending

Offline WillyWump

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« Reply #21 on: November 22, 2009, 11:27:37 PM »
Here's a really nice tribute and some beautiful pictures of Steve ...


« Last Edit: November 22, 2009, 11:32:28 PM by WillyWump »
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,938
« Reply #22 on: November 23, 2009, 09:53:46 PM »
Adam...I'm so sorry for your tragic loss of Steve. 
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline Lou-ah-vull

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,027
« Reply #23 on: December 01, 2009, 11:13:52 PM »
I, too, just discovered this post and recall meeting you both in Boston.  What a tragedy!  Life is often too short, but it seems that Steve lived it to its fullest.  I hope his legacy will be to inspire others to live their lives to the fullest as well.  My deepest sympathies Adam...

Diagnosed Oct. 2005
10/05:  367 (26.2%), 24556 VL
01/06:  344 (24.6%), 86299 VL
04/06:  374 (22.0%), 87657 VL
05/06:  Began HAART 05/15/06, Combivir/Kaletra
07/06:  361 (27.8%), 1299 VL
10/06:  454 (32.4%), 55 VL
01/07:  499 (38.4%), UD
02/07:  Switched to Atripla 2/8/07
04/07:  566 (37.7%), UD
08/07:  761 (42.3%), UD
06/08:  659 (47.1%), UD
01/09:  613 (43.8%), UD
07/09:  616 (47.4%), UD
01/10:  530 (44.2%), UD
07/10:  636 (48.9%), UD
01/11:  627 (48.2%), UD
07/11:  840 (52.5%), UD
01/12:  920 (51.1%), UD
07/12:  857 (50.4%), 40
10/12:  UD
01/13:  710 (47.3%), UD
07/13:  886 (49.2%), UD
01/14:  985 (46.9%), UD
06/14:  823 (47.2%), UD
01/15: 1366 (45.2%), UD
07/15: 1134 (50.7%), UD
02/16: 1043 (55.1%), UD
08/16:  746  (55.4%), UD
08/16:  Switch from Atripla to Genvoya

Offline bufguy

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  • Posts: 189
« Reply #24 on: December 03, 2009, 06:01:32 PM »
I am so sorry to hear about Steve. Steve and I conversed a few times and I was so impressed with his knowledge and enthusiasm. He was interested in starting treatment early like I did, but he was most concerned about you and med school.
I also noticed we share the same birthday..November 25.
God Bless and you are in my thoughts and prayers,
5/29/08 confirmed HIV+
6/23/08 Vl 47500  CD4 511/29% CD8 .60
start atripla
8/1/08 Vl 130  CD4 667/31% CD8 .70
9/18/08 Vl un  CD4 not tested
12/19/08 Vl un CD4 723/32% CD8 .80
4/3/09 Vl un CD4 615/36% CD8  .98
8/7/09 vl un CD4 689/35% CD8 .9
12/11/09 vl un CD4 712/38% CD8 .89
4/9/10 vl un CD4 796/39% CD8 1.0
8/20/10 vl un CD4 787/38% CD8 1.0
4/6/10 vl un CD4 865/35% CD8 .9
8/16/10 vl un CD4 924/37% CD8 1.0
12/23/10 vl un CD4 1006/35% CD8 .9
5/2/10 vl un CD4 1040/39% CD8 .9
8/7/13 vl un CD4 840/39% CD8 .9

Offline heartforyou

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  • Posts: 1,126
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2009, 03:38:55 PM »
Too sad for words....

Life is unfair.....

xxx hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Kivexa (Epzicom),Tivicay once daily.

Switching to Viramune, Isentress and Emtriva

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline CapeCodder

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  • CapeCodder on the personals section.
« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2009, 08:06:08 PM »

I watched this on the local news and was so saddened by the story. If there is one redeeming factor is that you live here in Massachusetts, where you and Steve were able to be legally married and declare your love through those vows to the entire world.

My deepest sympathies in your loss.

Steve is watching you and watching over you!
Find a guy who calls you handsome instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. He's the guy who turns to his friends and says, 'That's The One!'

Offline zorro62

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  • Posts: 14
« Reply #27 on: January 19, 2010, 11:30:54 PM »
I am shocked and saddened to read this. Steve and I had become poz at almost the same time and joined this forum at almost the same time.
His posts were so full of hope; they helped me immensely and made me me see things in a much more positive light. He replied my queries with lots of useful information also and was so upbeat about the future. He will be missed by many.
Take care of yourself;
Jan09 - tested neg
Apr 2nd 09 - tested poz
Apr 09: CD4:1178  %45   vl=350
Jul 09:  CD4:1380  %42   vl=2,900
Aug 09: CD4:987  %43  vl=2,350
Nov 09: CD4:1440 %48  vl=650
Mar 10: CD4:1030 %43  vl=880
Jun 10: CD4:565 %42 vl=3300
Sep 10: CD4:1030 %49 vl=8k
Dec 10: CD4:1059 %44 vl=38k
Mar 11: CD4:1130 %53 vl=17k
Apr 11: Started on GSK blind HIV Therapeutic Vaccine Trial
Jul 11: CD4: 908 %44 vl=29k
Oct 11: CD4: 787  %44 vl=13k
Dec 11: CD4: 1013 %41 vl=14k
Mar 12: CD4: 1003 %44 vl=17k
Jun 12: CD4: 897 %43 vl=7k
Nov 12: CD4: 800 %38 vl=12k
May 13: CD4:780 %31 vl=44k
Nov 13: CD4: 620 %31 vl=12k
Feb 14: CD4: 615 %29 vl=29k
Feb 14 (GSK trial stopped; placebo and med recipients react the same)


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