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Author Topic: waiting to have daughter tested- scared  (Read 2990 times)

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Offline positive5

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waiting to have daughter tested- scared
« on: July 25, 2009, 05:58:19 PM »
 my husband and I have been married 10 years and have a daughter who is ten and half. Due to my husband 's CD4 count they are saying it is highly likely that we have been positive for more than 10 years but because we never got tested we do not know. They think our daughter is very likely to be positive- all of us have never spent a day in hospital or suffered any serious illnesses, colds have probably been once or twice a year. My husband had a serious chest infection last year- my daughter looks the picture of health- we have not got her tested because we just found out yesterday and i am numb- in denial anxious and depressed. How do i tell a child that she is positive- i just want all of it to go away- i keep thinking how is she going to live if she is positive.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: waiting to have daughter tested- scared
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2009, 06:12:35 PM »
I don't want to sound cavalier, but why don't you cross that bridge about the daughter if and when you need to.  There's a very large chance you won't have to deal with the issue.

Also, have you tested even yourself? (edit: I see in another post you state you are being tested and waiting for results and those of your daughter).  But I still stand by my assessment -- it's normal to worry while you wait, but nothing is a done deal until the results are in.  Everyone (meaning negative people) get colds and chest infections -- these symptoms mean nothing.

Stay calm and deal with things one day at a time -- go look after your husband, he's the one with the low cd4 counts.

If it makes you feel any better I've been infected for 20 years, and my cd4 counts are higher than your typical person that isn't even infected with HIV.  I still get the occasional cold, but HIV treatment and the accompanying medication is quite good these days compared with a decade or more ago.  Don't allow your dated misperceptions about HIV get the better of you. 
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ann

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Re: waiting to have daughter tested- scared
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2009, 08:34:56 PM »
Hi Positive5, I'm glad  you figured out how to create your own thread. It will be easier this way for you to get replies to your own situation. And don't worry about it, those of us who have been around the internet for a while remember what it's like to be new to it all. It's ok to make mistakes when you're first starting out.

I have to admit that I'm now a bit confused - have you and your daughter been tested or not? Just because some doctor said he thinks you all might be poz doesn't necessarily mean it's true. The ONLY way to know your hiv status is through test results. I'm going to repeat what I said in the other thread:

Hang on. While doctors can SPECULATE on how long a person has been positive by looking at their CD4s, they CANNOT be sure. Some people's CD4 counts can go quite low - yes, even into the double digits - in as few as five years. Conversely, some people can have very high CD4s for years and years. Over a decade even.

Until you have your daughter's results, I suggest you don't tell her that she's positive based on supposition. Even if you were poz when you carried and gave birth to her, that doesn't necessarily mean she is also positive.

And if you haven't yet had your own results, there IS still doubt over your hiv status. We've had quite a few partners of positive people in these forums who didn't end up infected, despite having unprotected intercourse. You really need to wait on those results before you start assuming ANYTHING.

Even if your daughter IS hiv positive, it doesn't mean she can't live a full life - and yes, that means having boyfriends - or girlfriends - and eventually, a partner and children, if that's what she wants. Hiv is not a death sentence anymore. Far from it.

Right now, the most improtant thing for you and your daughter is to be tested and WAIT for the results before you assume anything. Hiv is a complex virus and just because someone in your life is hiv positive doesn't automatically mean you are.

I think one of the things you need most right now is a hug...


Let's get those test results and go from there. Whatever the outcome, you and your husband AND your daughter are ALL going to be OK. Really.

More hugs,
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

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HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


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