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Author Topic: Depressed, anxious, scared...what if?  (Read 2395 times)

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Offline yomenzo

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Depressed, anxious, scared...what if?
« on: July 16, 2009, 03:40:19 PM »
First of all, thank you guys for this excellent website.  I have tried getting reliable info from other intenet sites but it is so general.  Here it is straightforward and from knowledgable people. 
I "strayed" away having a fling that lasted for 2 months, apr 09- may 09.  I am 32 yo straight M had a fling with 39 F.  I was given reliable info that she has had numerous, numerous, numerous partners before me (most recently going thru divorce and had an affair with one guy for 8 months-- until end of oct 08, got back with hubby--- who also slept around with other women.  Left hubby in Dec 08 and slept around with 4 guys from Dec 08- March 09... Then i entered the picture. She has since moved from her home and phone is disonnected...can't get a hold of her.
First issue:  I rec'd unprotected oral sex from her 6 times... 3 of those times she "swallowed" my penis.. from the information in the welcome page, i know it is (virtually) impossible to get hiv.

Next issue:  I had protected (latex condom) vaginal sex and attempted protected anal sex as well. The issue is that in mid may as were started having sex, i felt the condom slipping b/c she was very wet.  As i checked the condom, i saw blood on the condom... she was finishing her period.  I pulled out, reached for another condom.  I got blood on my fingers when i removed the condom from my penis, touched the new condom, placed the tip backwards, corrected and then placed the condom on... So her blood was exposed to my penis.  During this episode, i changed the condom about 4 times b/c each time it felt as if was slipping... every time getting blood on my fingers and new condom. 

Concern:  On June 7, i exp sore throat 3 days, followed by phlegm/scratchy throat, weakness, stiff neck, headache (for two weeks) and a violent non prod cough at the end of the two weeks which lasted 5 days... I went to dr about June15 gave me codeine cough rx...said it was a cold.. not tests done.  Three days ago I began with stuffy nose, sore throat again.  last three nights i have had sweats on the back of my neck and head. 
I have gone through depression, anxiety and guilt over this whole thing...esp b/c of my financee who does not deserve any of this,  to the point that i have facial pain since June 15...when the What if??? question started in my mind... what if i have hiv
I have had unprotected sex with financee even shortly after this incident and has had no symtomps as mine.   

Question:  Should i get tested for hiv?  What test?  How reliable is it 6-8 weeks since the incident?  I got non related blood work on 6-29-09 (CBC) and all was ok... lymphs, RBC, WBC...all in normal range?  Please advise. Thank you very much.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Depressed, anxious, scared...what if?
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2009, 04:29:34 PM »
OK. The bottom line in all of this is that you used condoms everytime for intercourse, which is exactly what you are supposed to do. That there was some blood on the condom and your fingers is totally irrelevant. HIV is not transmitted that way.

It's a fragile virus and needs the kind of receptive setting which unprotected vaginal and anal provide. And that doesn't include musical condoms being switched and changed. So no risk there.

Getting oral is absolutely no risk whatsoever. In the entire history of the epidemic no guy has ever been infected from getting a blowjob. It's safe to say you won't make history by becoming the first.

We do advise that anyone who is sexually active ought to just as a precaution have a full STD panel done at  least annually. Other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV.

Nothing in what you have reported suggests any cause for concern about HIV on your part. If you decide to have a standard test done it's strictly for your peace of mind. It should be at 13 weeks past your most recent sexual incident that you are concerned about. From what you've reported of your activities I expect you to test negative.

If you have symptoms that concern you that is something to discuss with your doctor.

Andy Velez

Offline yomenzo

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Re: Depressed, anxious, scared...what if?
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2009, 07:36:40 PM »
Thank you Mr. Velez for your prompt response.  I got tested today with a 20 min test using tiny blood sample from my finger... negative.   I went to a metro aids foundation and got tested free and anonymous.  Case manager who administered the test, while very understanding and caring, gave some conflicting info from what i have read here..  She said that there is a low to moderate risk of getting hiv from oral sex and i needed to wait an entire 3 months for test to be conclusive.  so to go back and get tested but this test was obviously a good sign.  She said she saw a neg on one guy that turned pos in 3 months...but he kept having unprotected sex.. i thought that info was a bit uncalled for too given my circumstances.. anyway facility was a bit worn down and had second thoughts but am glad i did it (and gave a contribution for the test)  On a positiive note, while i was waiting anxiously for my results, there were several people with hiv waiting for a hot meal.  One guy turns to me and says... your gonna be ok. your not like us.... I told him, i'm just like you... our blood counts may be different (for a lack of better response) but i'm just like you.  I wept like crazy after leaving that place.  Anyway, i feel pretty confident i will be ok but will retest. 

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
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Re: Depressed, anxious, scared...what if?
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2009, 08:33:08 PM »

Regardless of what the woman at the testing center told you, getting a blowjob is absolutely, positively NOT a risk for hiv infection. Not one person has ever been infected this way and you certainly will NOT be the first.

You do NOT need further testing over this incident. You ARE hiv negative.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


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