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Author Topic: What You're Doing is WORKING!  (Read 1545 times)

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Offline ohsothankful

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What You're Doing is WORKING!
« on: March 14, 2009, 12:29:33 AM »
I thought that I would share my story with the people on this site who answer people's questions and concerns about HIV/AIDS. I have for so long been checking and reading everything I could on these forums out of my own anxiety but only just decided to make an account. I am a young adult female who had made the mistake of having unprotected vaginal sex with a guy who i met at a club the same night (sleazy, I know, and I definately know better now!). This was my second sexual encounter EVER. I had just entered university and engaged in what many would see as typical irresponsible freshmen behaviour;  going out to bars and clubs and drinking to excess, and experimenting with drugs. This was some months after the guy who I lost my virginity to dumped me and hurt me sooo bad. He was verbally abusive and made me feel like shit. And I had fallen in love with him. I admit to having a tendency to dealing with my emotions with alcohol (which itsn't a good way to do things, I know.) In addition I am being treating for multiple anxitety disorders, includiing OCD  and depression. So all of this emotional has just made me go beserk. We had used protection so I didnt not worry about the first guy however, but his breaking up with me just plummeted me into a deep depression, I just could never feel happy with myself anymore. I started to drink HEAVILY and thats how I decided to pick up another loser who treated me like shit. We had sex twice over the space of about two months (because for some stupid reason, I thought that was how to make a guy stay). Of course he also immediately dumped be like the piece of trash I started to believe I was. We didn't use protection, and I was under the influence of alcohol both times so I didnt feel like protesting. Anyway, once I sobered up the anxiety would set in; what if I was infected with an STD? I tried to supress these thoughts, but this is where the OCD makes it difficult. I knew of no one, not even my psychiatrist who I had been working with for two years who I felt comfortable sharing these fears with. I kept thinking, "my family would hate me if they ever found out." And so for over a year every second thought was the fear of being HIV-positive. Sometimes I would have nightmares about getting a test sheet that said "Positive" in big red letters and I would wake up sweating and breathless. I was too scared to get tested out of fear and shame of hearing bad news. So for months I would search the internet to find info on HIV transmission and prevalence in the country I live in, which is relatively low. This did not ease my anxiety, however. Riding the bus to school and reading the  public health billboards that say "HIV: Be sure. Get tested" made me feel even more anxious. Then one day I was in the school bookstore when I came across the book "The Naked Truth" by Marvelyn Brown, which tells the story of a young black woman (like myself) who finds out she is HIV-Positive. It served to give me courage and made me realize even if  I tested positive, It's not the end of the world.  In the book she mentioned Poz magazine, which is how I found myself on this site. Reading the stories of others and those who were just as worried as I was and the replies from the website moderators gave me the strength yesterday to face the fear that has been tormenting my mind for over a year.  I went to the clinic yesterday and got a rapid test from a counsellor who was very reassuring. I tested negative, which I am thankful to God for. In large part I am thankful for this site, which I feel gave me the strength to go get tested in the first place. Ann, Andy, RapidRod, and others: thank you!! YOU ARE HELPING PEOPLE!!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: What You're Doing is WORKING!
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2009, 04:56:04 PM »
I'm very happy to read that you lucked out and tested negative. You can have intercourse with anyone you want to. Just do it the safer way which means that everytime you have intercourse the guy is wearing a condom. No exceptions.

Also, mixing excessive drinking and sex is as you already know a dangerous combination. So I'm just reminding you about that. Have sex but be sober when you do.

Whether it's professionally or through recovery programs, get the help you need to deal with the various issues you mentioned. Those problems can be dealt with very effectively but not on your own alone. You have to be willing to reach out for help.

Good luck to you.

Andy Velez


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