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Author Topic: Disclosure...  (Read 3226 times)

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Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
« on: August 06, 2006, 02:21:21 AM »
I have not dated in two years and I told myself I would start.  I just got back from a second date with a sweet guy I find attractive.  We sat on a playset (slides) and kissed in the moonlight.  It was really nice, but for some reason I think it is better to disclose my status up front.  I imagine it would be tougher for someone to go their own way after you have formed more attachments, so I told him tonight.  He told me, "we'll work it out."  He kissed me and held my hand.  He told me he would call me tomorrow.

He just sent me this email- "Thanks for a lovely night...g'night and sweet dreams.  I'll give you call some time tomorrow---either when i get up or after a nap (whichever is in the afternoon ;-))"

This seems like a good sign.

I deserve to be in love with someone special.  I am a good person.  I have so much to share.  I hope I have enough esteem for myself to see this through.  I hope I am ready to be with someone, but I have to keep reminding myself that I have to let things be, to do what I need to do and let go.  I am wondering if I made the right decision to tell him now.  I just think it is better for him to know, so I don't have to tell him if we were to be intimate.  That would be awkward.

I think there will be a time when I "come out."  I am in a position to a visible and positive influence and I want to help others.  I just don't think I am ready.

I have also started to think about telling my parents.  I just don't want it to be an issue.  "I am HIV positive," and move on...  I don't need pity, I just want to live my life.

I am sure many of you have gone through this...  is it going to be alright?  It is alright.  I can't feel sorry for myself.  This is who I am.

I think I should just be myself and have fun and not get caught up in a tumbling ball of anxiety, fear of rejection, etc.

This is all so heavy, like the humidity, I can breathe it...

Offline lydgate

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,022
  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2006, 02:35:27 AM »
The moonlight, the kiss, the hand-kiss, the email... it all sounds pretty darn good to me. I'm vicariously happy. Keep us posted.

Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2006, 02:41:16 AM »
From the sounds of things, I think you are going to be just fine.  Seems like disclosure for us is the first and most important step to having the life we enjoyed before or the life we always wanted.

In my first HIV Clinic appointment (12 years ago), the nurse asked me if I knew how I got my HIV...  I just had to respond with, "I got mine the old fashioned way, I earned it"... (With apologies to Smith Barney Stock Brokerage).

There will always be something to work out, it just takes a little focus and some support.  12 years ago, I never thought I'd become an Activist but over the years there have been some ongoing issues with living with HIV/AIDS.  These issues always seem to be concerning healthcare, funding, stigma, employment, benefits and on and on.  I spend nearly every waking hour either reading, researching or discussing issues and communicating those issues as best as I know how.  I like to think, I make a difference and hope someday you will too.  Have the best day


Offline otherplaces

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  • Posts: 398
  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2006, 02:55:34 AM »


It sounds like you handled this extremely well.  I'm hoping for the best for you. 

My experience with disclosure is that you do it for YOU, and the person's reaction doesn't necessarily matter.  I know this is easier said than done.  But when I disclosed to my parents I did it for my own peace of mind and had already accepted any reaction they might have.  They actually handled it much better than I expected, and have been very supportive...and continue to be.  Whereas many 'supportive friends' have dropped off the face of the earth. You can't know, but disclosure can definitely empower and give you strength no matter the consequences.

with love,

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,398
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2006, 10:01:52 AM »
« Last Edit: October 31, 2006, 10:42:06 PM by emeraldize »

Offline david25luvit

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2006, 10:47:13 AM »
Wow!!!  How romantic............and Yes!  You deserve to be happy.  And in my opinion...you did the right thing by telling him.  Honesty and trust are two very important issues in a relationship and it sounds like you are off to a good start. 
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline Lovinglife

  • Member
  • Posts: 24
  • Life is too short for fussing & fighting my friend
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2006, 12:32:13 PM »
I have been positive for 21 years and I have always been open about my status.  It has helped me deal with it.  When people find out the response it usually the same  . . . "But you look so good"  the next statement is a question, "How did you get it".  Becuase I have heard that question so many times of the years I answer with, "It was on sale at the local store and I just had to pick some up"  I get some strange looks with that one.  But I am okay with that today.

Letting go of my secrets has helped me focus on things that can keep me healthy.  Most people are very supportive and by me talking about it helps those who are not ready to.

ndrew, you sound like you are dealing with yourself in a positive way.  And try to remember if someone rejects you it is their issue not yours.  Celebrate your life and enjoy those who do accept you.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.

Offline ndrew

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  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2006, 03:56:45 PM »
Thanks for your supporting words, thank you, thank you, thank you!  I have to relax and slow down.  I am too ambitious for my health!

I suppose I am selfish about disclosure.  I have had friends who have been insulted, because they thought they were closer to me.  I try to explain to them it is about me and my process.  Most of my friends know and although they have a hard time talking about it (as we all become authorities), they keep in touch (I migrated to a small town.)

I have never been asked, "how did you get it?"  Although "big box shopping," would work as well...

I met a guy in a pub in Dublin who wanted to take me home.  I told him I was positive and he said, "You're a good looking guy, you'll be OK."  There have been other rejections, but nothing to weep over...

Maybe it is not healthy to be baby mush over someone.  I hate when I am this excited... 

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2006, 06:32:01 PM »
Hello Ndrew, it is Eldon. Welcome to the forums where you will find the love, encouragement, support, and answers to many of your questions.

You did the right thing by disclosing your status to your potential partner. My hat is off to you for your Honesty which will carry you through,

Focus on your health, eat a healthy diet and get plenty of rest.


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