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Author Topic: I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child  (Read 11375 times)

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Offline amm

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  • Posts: 3
I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child
« on: December 12, 2008, 08:04:23 PM »
Hello. Well, My husband told me this was the best site to find answers, so here I am. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and separated for 7, we just recently decided to give our life another try. My husband found out he was positive in 2005, I have been negative as we were not together during the time he was infected. We have been back together for about 1 month. I knew of his status before hand and have accepted the reality and all risks. We do, however, have two children and wish to have one more and I want to be sure we do it the safest way possible. I am fully aware that there will be a risk to myself if we conceive, but am willing to take that risk. I love my husband sooo much and there are so many other factors to this situation that I will not get into just yet, but I know there will be someone here who can help.

Offline Assurbanipal

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  • Posts: 2,175
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2008, 08:33:21 PM »

Welcome to the forums.  Don't know if you've had a chance to check out the lessons on this site, but you might find this one http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Pregnancy_4900.shtml particularly helpful.

Good luck to you and your husband.

5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%
2014 VL UD - 48
2015 VL 130 Moved to Triumeq

Offline Snowangel

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  • Posts: 1,416
Re: I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2008, 09:12:17 PM »
Hi there,
The lesson plan Assurbanipal posted has a lot of good information.  I have had 4 negative kids while being positive and was followed closely by Doctors who were very accepting and knowledgeable.  Is your hubby seeing a ID doc?  He can ask for recommendations for a pediatrician in your area.
My oldest sons father, who is positive, had a baby with a negative women and she and the baby are both still negative.  When he infected me, he was not on any medication and probably close to an aids diagnosis since his wife had died from it.  He was on medication and undetectable when he had his last baby.
Good Luck, amm!
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline amm

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  • Posts: 3
Re: I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2008, 09:01:21 PM »
« Last Edit: December 16, 2008, 05:07:07 PM by amm »

Offline emeraldize

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  • Posts: 3,398
Re: I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2008, 12:12:34 AM »
Hello Amm,

If I can be of any help at all it would be, I believe, to be the Devil's Advocate.

The difference between your original post and the one just above this are noticeable in their contrast. In the first post, there is a brave woman who feels she understands the reality and accepts the risks, etc. and in the most recent, a woman who is overwhelmed and wishes it all weren't real.

You've been back together one month. One month.

Despite your long history on --- facts are facts. You and your husband are putting a derailed train back  on the track. Reunited, re-ignited and fired up to have a kid. If you were my sister or friend, I'd say wait. Wait another six months, wait another year. Is there a rush? If your biological clock is ticking and that's the motivator, I would encourage you to consider adoption.

Above all, I would encourage you to have some counseling, alone and together. I sense this is a burning goal and can't help but think that time, thinking, reading and talking will do both of you a world of good.


Offline nvhorseman

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2008, 01:23:09 PM »
Hi AMM:  I am going to have to agree with Emeraldize but on different grounds.  You have two children and a husband who is positive. You have no idea what your husbands future medical needs will be, much less your family's emotional and financial needs. There is a larger picture here. If you can afford another child, stop and educate yourself and reflect....would it not be better to maximize the opportunities that will present themselves to you, rather than take on the responsibilities of another child. It is tough for any child to comprehend the medical condition of one's parent but especially hard for a child who's parent is HIV+ and in their mind is dying or may die.  Your time and money would be better spent on your current family unit or seeking out other HIV families that could benefit from your expertise and finances who are lacking in these areas.  I hope you rationally think this out and do not react on "good news" emotional fixes you might find here and other places. Just sign me,

Been there, done that, still there and wish I wasn't

Offline aserenityseeker

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  • Posts: 27
Re: I am HIV negative and husband is positive and want another child
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2008, 06:19:40 AM »
I hate to say it but I really think having another baby is such a mistake. You are just getting back to gether and already have children. That is a big job already, then if he gets sick and bills mount up or relationship for what ever reason does not work out you are alone with 3 kids. What if your child is born with the virus? what then? and when your husband gets ill and passes away then what happens to you and the kids? Maybe working on the relationship to make it strong and so loving and sharing that love with the children you already have. They will be dealing with a parent who has this disease and that's a big load for anyone yet alone a child(I know mine was 3 1/2 when I was diagnosed and she is 22 now) she was scared with every cold, etc but never told me until she was older. Its such a risk to put yourself in harms way and possibly get the virus while trying for another baby. then to what if you do get exposed who will care for children when you are tired, week, and pass...I say ask God in your prayers for a great relationship, many years with your hubby and the children you have. Count your blessings you and the children are negative and pray hubby stays healthy for many years to come so he can parent the children already in your life's. They deserve all of your attention at this time... just one woman's opinion.  What ever you decide be safe and happy. God Bless. No judgement here really just an opinion.  :)
Positive since: 1993
T-cells: 543
Viral load: Undetectable
Meds: Truvada & Kaletra

Positive, Alive and Seeking Serenity :)


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