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Author Topic: worried and need advice please  (Read 3263 times)

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Offline xyz2147

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worried and need advice please
« on: December 04, 2008, 03:37:44 AM »
Hi Andy & Ann,

I was wondering if you could help.  I am extremely anxious and worried.  Seven days ago I went to a strip club.  I went for a lap dance with a girl.  During the dance routine she lifted up my shirt and before I new what had happened she had straddled me and rubbed her exposed genitalia up my stomach and over my belly button area.  I immediately asked her to stop. 

She also managed during the routine to stick her tongue in my ear, needless to say that I now felt very uncomfortable.

I am very worried. Could you please confirm that if I got vaginal fluid on my stomach or anywhere on my skin through the action described as well as the saliva in my ear am I at risk of contracting HIV? 

Is it possible even if I had a scratch on my skin?

I am very anxious and worried.  I am married with kids and am pretty much besides myself with worry.

I appreciate any advice and help in this matter.


PS Thank you for the service you provide.

« Last Edit: December 04, 2008, 03:40:05 AM by xyz2147 »

Offline anniebc

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2008, 03:52:19 AM »
No, you weren't at risk, absolutely nothing you have said or described is a risk for HIV

Please read our welcome thread and follow the lessons on how HIV is and is not transmitted, HIV has to get into the blood stream in order to infect, even a few scratches on your skin would not be a problem or a concern, and saliva is certainly not a problem...you are good to go.


Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline xyz2147

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2008, 07:29:26 AM »
Thanks for the prompt reply.  I have been worrying myself sick.  Have even started to have pains under my arms, back of my one knee plus and started wondering if I had swollen glands in addition to lower back pain I have been having!

Can I ask another question and hope I am not been ignorant.  If one were to get vaginal fluid on your fingers and you have damaged cuticles or broken skin at the nails can one be infected?  This question I was asked by a friend.

So I gather from the answer to my first question and post earlier on that I SHOULD NOT WORRY!?  Do you think I should go and get tested in time just to be sure?

Nothing more happened than that described above in my first post. 

By the way I read my first post again and have to add that "went for a lap dance with a girl" sounds terrible.  The dancer was a woman in her late twenties to early thirties.


Offline Ann

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2008, 07:58:02 AM »

First, thank you for realising how inappropriate it is to refer to your female sex partners (not that the stripper was really a sex partner, but you get my meaning) as girls. That's one of my pet peeves.

Sexually speaking, hiv is transmitted during unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. And that's it. You're not going to get it through fingering or having genitals rubbed on your body, no matter what condition your skin is in.

Along with reading our Transmission Lesson linked to in the Welcome Thread, here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS LAP-DANCE, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline xyz2147

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2008, 07:23:44 PM »
Thanks Ann.  Will try not to worry and appreciate the advice.

Offline xyz2147

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2008, 07:33:24 PM »
I have read some of the posts and now being in the position of worrying myself sick I realise what work you do for people out there.  Well done on a great social service.

Please just confirm that I must not worry and do not need to get tested.  Please don't ask what part i don't understand, I just need the re-assurance.  This is my last post on this subject.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2008, 08:00:47 PM »
Absolutely nothing you have said or described is a risk for HIV

Offline xyz2147

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2008, 12:04:13 PM »
Thanks for the replies.  I am still having moments of complete anxiety.  I am trying to tell myself as a normally logical person that I am worrying for nothing.  I am just gripped by fear.  I am really  think I am starting to think of things that might happened that never did.  My jaw aches from trying to feel if I have swollen glands yet!

Are there any risks for contracting HIV through a lap-dance or touch-dance?  I mean if I keep my penis in my pants are these activities safe?  I have read other posts and have tried to piece together all the likely scenarios and possibilities.

If the dancer rubs herself on your lap or groin covered by clothing are there any risks from vaginal fluids?  Can I reaffirm that skin contact with vaginal fluid on other parts of the body such as the stomach area is not a risk?

If you squeeze her breasts or nipples and get any secretions on your hands or fingers and you have any sores are there any risks?

Trying to tell myself to think clearly.  I am really battling.

Regards & thanks for putting up with my questions.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2008, 12:07:31 PM »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: worried and need advice please
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2008, 01:00:03 PM »
Fortunately in your case, feelings are not facts. So despite your stressful feelings, there is absolutely nothing in the facts of the situation that put you at risk for HIV transmission. If you consistently wear condoms for intercourse, vaginal and/or anal, you will be well protected sexually as far as HIV is concerned. It's just that simple.

Andy Velez


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