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Author Topic: unprotected sex with poz partner  (Read 12057 times)

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Offline m8lukie

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unprotected sex with poz partner
« on: November 11, 2008, 01:50:49 AM »
Hello out there...i am thinking of having an unprotected sexual relationship with someone who is positive. I have been positive for 20 years. My CD +600 VL undetected...my partner is not sure of his stats.

I would like some opinions from people who have had this experience and to know what sort of risks are involved.

Note: this is a male to male relationship!!


ps...i did not know how to use this forum correctly....so i put it in the womans section first by accident. Stop bugging me about mistakes that dont matter :-P
Just concentrate on my question...
i thought this is a forum to get information...turns out to be some place where people want to hand slap you for small errors.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2008, 11:37:22 AM by m8lukie »

Offline Texan38

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2008, 08:33:14 AM »
Considering you say you have been positive for 20 years....then you should know better than that.
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline Miss Philicia

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"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline anniebc

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2008, 04:00:30 PM »

Just a few questions if you don't mind.

You say your partner doesn't know his stats, is it because he is newly infected or does he not bother to have regular blood tests or appointments with his ID Doctor?..and how long have you known him?...I'm just curious and it can make a difference.

I think you would be taking a risk at this stage, your numbers are looking good but as yet you don't know what his numbers are, why don't you wait and see how his CD4's and VL is on his next visit to the Doctor.

Please remember  that unprotected sex also allows the transmission of other STDs, such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis of course all oif them are treatable and curable but syphilis is a lot harder to treat when you have HIV...and there is always a small risk of Hep C, just something to think about.

Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Ann

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2008, 04:52:15 PM »
Hi M8,

I'm in a relationship with a fellow pozzie and we don't use condoms. However, he's the person from whom I acquired my virus and neither of us have resistance issues so I'm not in the least worried about reinfection with a different strain. From what I understand, that is not something that happens very often anyway. There have been quite a few discussions here about reinfection (also known as superinfection, that's super as in superimposed, not super-duper ;D ) If you do a forum search on either word you'll find more information and opinions about that issue.

We are in a monogamous relationship these days. We weren't totally monogamous back in the late 90s when we were first together... that's how we ended up poz. We split up for ten years and only got back together a year ago. We both had full sexual health check-ups when we got back together and we both were fine. Since we're not sleeping with anyone else, we have no reason to use condoms.

As Jan says, you would be wise to make sure neither of you have any untreated STIs before you stop using condoms. It would also be wise to find out where his viral load is at and also see if either of you have any resistance issues.

But yeah, for me and my bf, poz on poz rocks! ;)

Don't worry about the Women's forum thing - I figured you were probably new to internet forums and just made a mistake. You'll get the hang of it. Folks here tend to be a bit protective of our ladies, but I don't think any harm was meant.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

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Offline Joe K

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2008, 06:40:50 PM »
Hey M8,

24 years poz here and I second what both Jan and Ann had to say.  You should both get a full set of tests and treat any health issues that you may have.  Remember, you want to protect you both and you cannot do that if you do not regularly monitor your health.  Stephen and I do not use any protection, however, we also see the same doctor, together so we are always aware of any health issues.  We are monogamous by choice, but even with an open relationship it can work, as long as you both are honest and watch your health.

Offline Afreerangelife

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2008, 02:19:05 PM »
I agree what others have said. There is to little decision about the type of sex positive people want to have and do have.

If both parties understand the risk then why not?

There needs to be more sex positive messages for people living with HIV we should not be ashamed to talk out about sex.
''I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability'' - Oscar Wilde

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2008, 11:36:19 PM »
Agreed. Especially with a viral load under control, the odds of reinfection are almost theoretical. I believe there are maybe a dozen confirmed cases so far.

Consenting adults should make informed decisions, based on the real evidence and not scare tactics or sex-negative persons/sites/sources which cannot prove their assertions using science.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline knoxvillecwby

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2008, 12:42:25 PM »
I agree that this a decision for both partners and we should not be influenced by negative messages. Just make sure your going to your docto regularly and telling the doc of any changes you have noticed in your health.
Make friends with Hiv and learn to laugh at it.

Cowboy Larry


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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2008, 12:49:38 AM »
It could be fine as long as you don't share fluids, I do it every now & then but safe not sharing body fluids.

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #10 on: December 15, 2008, 07:34:34 PM »
It could be fine as long as you don't share fluids, I do it every now & then but safe not sharing body fluids.
Handsome beast of 1 post

first of all how do you not share fluids during unprotected sex? think about it.

Are you a Long Term Survivor? just checking and asking if you are not, try the Living with HIV forum.

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #11 on: February 28, 2009, 08:53:15 AM »
I have been positive for 20 years found out my stat few months before me an my other got together.We both new the risk.I am happy to say he is neg.To be honest I am no Angel an nether is he. He is my Rock in this World.I truly believe I would not be here if it was not for him.You know the Risk an I am sure he knows as well.I hope this Helps !!!                                                                              Luv Scooter

Offline rpm1437gcw

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #12 on: February 28, 2009, 09:06:22 AM »
 ???  hey there poz 12 years was in relationship with other poz we did not use with each other.  however i am not sure if it did any damage.  i do wish that we did not because i wa scared everytime.   we seperated and he passed 3 1/2 years ago.  since i have not been with poz i am too scared myself.
beauty is in all of us we need to see beyond the physicla to the soul.

Offline dtwpuck

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2009, 10:51:02 PM »
I find questions like this to be curious.   I have been poz for more than 13 years and have had sex with more men than I can count.  Not once did a fellow poz guy ever want to use a condom.  Not once.  I also still have exactly the same strain that I started off with. 

Not that I am advocating unprotected sex per se.   My own choices are mine and I've paid for them.   Just stating the truth.    You'd think that I'd have run into at least one person . . .     I just don't think that everyone who claims to be vigilant about condom use in writing really is in person.

M8....  my advice to you is to do what feels right to you.  Just be aware that other std's aren't so much fun either.  And, don't fall for all this chest beating malarky about protected sex between poz guys. If you don't feel comfortable doing something, you shouldn't do it.  If you do, then you should.  There isn't a whole lot of non-anectdotal evidence supporting either the view that it is safe or dangerous.

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline koderkev

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Re: unprotected sex with poz partner
« Reply #14 on: April 15, 2009, 04:09:01 AM »
I've never used condoms with both my partners who were poz.  That was by mutual agreement.  My feeling is that at this point, though, I should use them until/unless I find a permanent "guy" and we decide to go without them.
I distrust morning people largely because I suspect them of getting together one morning and setting up the rules of civilization while the rest of us slept.


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