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Author Topic: How risky was it?  (Read 3224 times)

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Offline _litlejhon_

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How risky was it?
« on: November 02, 2008, 11:35:19 PM »
Hello from portugal :)

First of all i want to congratulate your fabulous work on this forum and the website in general.
I first met this site because of a boyfriend who is HIV positive, he showed it to me so i could get better informed without  any type of stigmatization or preconcept. We (me and my boyfriend) are no longer together (were together for two happy years), but we still go out to chat sometimes as we became very close friends since we broke up.
Second, i would like to say that i have learnt from you and from my boyfriend that livin with HIV or AIDS is not the end of the world and that people can be happy in any condition.
Third i want to apollogige for my rusty english :)

But.. lets talk about what really brought me here.

Well... I thought i was really well informed about HIV, but a wasn't. I know that it is not easy to transmit, and that there is no harm on doing a pleasantfull sex life with an HIV positive partner.
Some years ago i was really scared about HIV. But now i think i got too confident and took some risks.

Let me tell you about my risky experiences.
The first one was in May. I was seeing a guy and he showed me the results for his HIV test (wich was negative and he was only seeing me for 3 months and took the test some days before showing it to me), so i agreed to have unprotected anal sex (me beeing bottom), but i was so worried that i stopped him after a wile. and told him i was affraid and was not confortable about doing that. then we used a condom. 

The second one (and the one that worries me the most) was in august. I met a guy over the internet. we liked each other and then we  met. we ended up in bed, but we had no condoms, we played for about two hours but no risks were taken (kissing fingering rubbing against each other, nothing special), then e penetrated me (without a condom on) for a bit. I was so exited and out of myself that i only thought about what was going on some moments after. After he penetrated me for almost a minute i said "please. stop. i really do not feell confortable doing that." He stopped and we practiced mutual masturbation.

The third and last experience was with a guy that i started dating in early september (but we broke up in the 26th of september). I knew that he took the HIV test (negative)  while he was in a monogamous relationship. And after that he hasn't been with anyone (sexually speaking). So i got a litle bit less worried. And let him penetrate me without a condom for two or three times, only for some moments (almost a minute).

These three guys had no or very litle pre-cum because i really like foreplay and i allways chek on the amout of precum on my partner's penis (precum is something that i dont like and when i'm whith someone that i can feel his precum i don't even do oral sex). These guys had very litle precum or even none. There was plenty of time since the time i was penetrated untill the orgasm (meaning that i didn't wait for them to start feeling the orgasm comming to take the penis out, because i was to scary and i now that there is a risk of some semen comming out - or even precum - i was too scary to letting them be inside me fore more than a minute).

Well... Now i think i know that you are going to say"You should be very dumb to have three risky experiences" or "you should never have anal intercourse without a condom in any circunstances"

I Know that i put my life in risk and i'm already suffering because of that, but i can't go back and make things right. All my life i was really carefull about sexualy transmited disieses, but now i have to deal with this because of my stupid hi confidence. A friend of mine who is a nurse told me i was at no risk at all, but a think i was.

Now i started a new relationship and i really love the guy. He is HIV negative (he took the test some days after we started our relationship) and now he wants me to do the test, he told me that if i don't do the test we cannot be toggether anymore. So i decided to take the test. But now i'm really scared to find a positive result.

I know that i can live with HIV or AIDS, but i cannot say that it wont be a shock, and i know that i will lose my boyfriend because of that. He is too affraid to go on with a relationship with a positive person.

What i'm looking for is some advice on how risky my behaviour was so that i can prepare myself mentally to go and take the test.

Another thing, I took a blood test in the 25th of september. The Hemogram was normal and they also did an immunochemical exam using Ultra Sensitive C-Reactive Protein that measures an inflammatory response in the body  and everithing was normal. Could that mean that i can hope to come out HIV negative from the test i'm going to take? Since everithing is normal in my blood and in my imune system that could mean that everithing is ok with me, is'nt it? HIV would imply other kind of results in my hemogram and in the immunochemical exam (i think)

Thank you so much for your support and for everithing you guys and girls :) are doing.

Sorry for my poor english and for taking to long to express myself.

Thanks again :)
Kisses and hugs for everyone
« Last Edit: November 02, 2008, 11:37:11 PM by _litlejhon_ »

Offline _litlejhon_

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Re: How risky was it?
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2008, 12:47:14 AM »
Please... anyone ... help...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: How risky was it?
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2008, 04:41:23 AM »
You put yourself at risk. You'll need to test 3 months post your last unprotected sex to obtain a conclusive test result.

Offline Ann

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Re: How risky was it?
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2008, 05:15:02 AM »

As Rodney says, you have put yourself at risk and for a conclusive result, you need to test at three months past your last incident of unprotected intercourse. Sorry, there's no short cuts.

You should not allow the condoms to come off until such time as you and your partner have been SECURELY monogamous for THREE months, then test TOGETHER. If you feel you cannot wait three months, then remind yourself of this fact: Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI.

The earliest you can test is six weeks past the last incident. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks. A six week negative result is unlikely to change, but MUST be confirmed at the three month point. As I said, there are no short-cuts to conclusively knowing your hiv status.

You also need to test for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. You can test for most of these at around two weeks following unprotected intercourse, but syphilis shares a three month window with hiv.

Hopefully you'll come out of this ok - and learn from it before it's too late.

« Last Edit: November 03, 2008, 05:17:09 AM by Ann »
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Offline _litlejhon_

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Re: How risky was it?
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2008, 11:24:19 PM »
Thanks ... still wanted to know my chances of being infected by a smal amount of precum. Just a way to prepare my self to the test and to have a litle hope since i thought it was low risk.

Promiss my self i won't do it again. all my life i've been carefull, i don't know how could i be so fullish... well can't go back now...

thanks again

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: How risky was it?
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2008, 08:23:01 AM »
We're not in the guessing business here although I certainly appreciate that you'd like to have some quantifying of your level of risk. We can't do that for you.

Rather I would focus on what you need to learn from your experiences. I strongly urge you to not be in a rush to dispense with using condoms, including with your current bf. As Ann has said, HIV is forever. Condoms should be used everytime until if and when you are in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have tested negative together. All too many infections happen because people confuse having strong feelings for someone with being in a securely monogamous relationship.

You have to live with some anxiety what you are waiting to test. That's just the way it is. Stay productively busy until your time for testing. It will help to pass the time. Hopefully you will test negative. And then in the future be more cautious about when you choose to give up using condoms is my suggestion.

Good luck with your test and keep us posted.

Andy Velez

Offline _litlejhon_

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Re: How risky was it?
« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2008, 01:21:30 PM »
Thanks Andy... i will take no chances in the future. I've learnt my lesson the hard way (that's the way i feel right now since i'm really anxyous), just hope that i won't have to learn it in a harder way.

I'm crossing my fingers and begging to come out of this ok. Hope everithing goes back to normal because i know how my ex boyfriend used to feel sad about his condition.

The feeling is even worse now because a friend of mine called me crying because he discovered  yesterday that he was positive. I couldn't stop thinking about my self and about how fullish i was. He made me see even more that HIV can happen to anyone.

I would like to leave a word of advice for me and everyone. Think twice before taking any risks because even if you get tested negative it won't worth the anxiety levels you will experience untill you can get tested.

Thanks everyone and i will keep you posted.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: How risky was it?
« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2008, 01:27:24 PM »
Very unfortunately and even tragically good advice and smarts seem too often to go out the window in the heat of passion. That's why it's so important to have condoms available and to not waver. It's either safer sex or no sex and no in-betweens.

We'll be hoping to hear good news from you.
Andy Velez


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