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Author Topic: One is + Other is Neg dilema ... HELP!  (Read 3789 times)

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Offline NewLife4Me

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One is + Other is Neg dilema ... HELP!
« on: October 28, 2008, 12:11:41 AM »
OK so here it is......

 I met this guy that I took my time getting to know before I let myself get attached or fall for him. He knew my status and voiced his concern early on about becoming + and we taked it out at the time. This fear has raised its ugly head again and today I go the "I think we would be better friends than boyfriends" talk. I asked him why he felt this way and he told me that it has been bothering him again and that he is afraid. I tried to explain to him that there are many relationships that one is positive and the other is negative and that if he felt this way it is a valid feeling. I offered to go to  conseling with him to try to ease his mind on the subject and told him about this website but I am not sure what else to do. I am a fighter for things that I think are right and for some reason I feel we are right together and do not want to throw it away without at least trying. I am really lost with this since I have never been in this position in the 17 years that I have known my status. If anyone can shed some light on this for me it would be greatly appreciated. THANKS!


  • Member
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Re: One is + Other is Neg dilema ... HELP!
« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2008, 09:14:40 AM »
i have been in the same situation and there is nothing you can really do to change his mind and you have to be sensitive to his  concerns rather than yours.it is  a very sad situation but it is reality and unfortunately it is very common to find people that are still very scared about being with people that are hiv +.

Offline 27years

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  • What I did for love I will still do it for love
Re: One is + Other is Neg dilema ... HELP!
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2008, 05:10:30 PM »
There is no point in trying to make it work if thats how he is feeling about you.  You wouldnt want to be around a person who has two thoughts about you.  If he wants to let go the relationship let him go rather than force matters, maybe with time he will realise how ignorant he is and come back.  Rather be alone than to be in a relationship that doesnt go anywhere.  With time you will get over him and move on.  Just be glad that you know where he stands,
Nobody dies a virgin life screws us all up

Offline GregoryD

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    • Link to my vacation videos and stuff!
Re: One is + Other is Neg dilema ... HELP!
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2008, 12:30:41 PM »
i think you are better off cutting your losses now. he will more than likely never change his mind. :(
Recent Lab data
02/08/07 - CD4 556 - VL Undetectable
07/03/07 - CD4 526 - VL Undetectable
10/03/07 - CD4 580 - VL Undetectable
01/02/08 - CD4 576 - VL Undetectable
02/11/08 - Aneurysm Surgery
04/02/08 - CD4 541 - VL Undetectable - changed to Atripla
11/12/08 - CD4 742 - VL Undetectable

Offline tropical

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Re: One is + Other is Neg dilema ... HELP!
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2008, 02:17:26 PM »
i don't agree, i am the neg. i never ever thought i would fall in love with a pos. i got too scared, sad and inside this big dilemma. the weapons to fight against this feelings is INFORMATION.
this web site helps a lot and helps you not to think you are the only one in the world to live a situation like this.
if there is true love, go and fight for it.

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: One is + Other is Neg dilema ... HELP!
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2008, 03:39:09 PM »
It's a tough call.  Let's say you manage to change his mind on this.  Is everything else perfect?  Where do you stop trying to make him or her someone else?  It's a delicate balance and there is no right answer.

I personally had an issue with dating a poz person when I was neg.  It was my problem and I was fully aware of it and didn't put other people in that situation.  At the time I was ignorant and afraid of losing someone after I got close to them.

Now that I'm poz, lol, I don't want to date neg guys.  Again, I don't want the drama.  I also don't want to worry about a condom breaking, or being stupid in the middle of the night, etc.  Of course there is always the issue of just having to use a condom altogether..... which is mandatory in poz/neg intercourse.

I think the best thing you can do is accept his choice and decide if you want to be friends.  I think you would be foolish to think you can love someone and not be friends with them.  He may change his mind, he may become poz, and he may never do either.  In any case life is too short, too precious for you to waste time and energy on it.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.


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