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Author Topic: Freaking Out  (Read 4967 times)

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Offline hpkfrankie

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Freaking Out
« on: October 27, 2008, 05:31:14 PM »
Ok, here it goes, I'm an early 40's y/o Gay Male. I just received the bad news last week that I'm Poz. I am in a committed but open LTR with a wonderful guy. We live together, but have sex with other people outside our bedroom. I pratice safe (anal sex) but orally do not use condoms. I told him after I found out the news and he has been very supportive which is comforting but he said I should not talk to anyone about my status, except my doctor's.. He is gonna go get tested later this week, I pray that he is neg...I would be very sad if I infected him. We have unsafe sex with each other so really worried that I may have  :(
I am a very open person, close to my family who are supportive of me, but I agree with my partner that we should hold off telling them at least until the holidays are over. What makes matters worse is that I am a father (teen not living with me), but visit weekly. I am still very close to my ex-wife, but my partner says I should hold off telling her too.
I have some close friends (gay and straight) but partner also warned against telling them too. I don't know who to talk to, thank God I found this wonderful website, I've been reading allot...some of it is scaring the shit outta me, but I am hopeful that I will find some of the much needed support that I am looking for.
I have an appointment to visit a ID Dr. next week, all I know is my GP said that my HIV blood test showed that I had antibodies fighting the virus, I remember the number 50  ??? I guess I will find out my C4 count after I visit my new Doc.
General healthwise I feel pretty good, although I am grossly overweight, have bad knees, back aches ...I'm sure all weight related and high blood pressure. sleeping ok, but can't stop thinking about being poz when I am awake.
Thanks in advance to any and all support you could provide to me.

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,785
Re: Freaking Out
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2008, 08:22:19 PM »
Hey Frankie,

Welcome to the forums.  Sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, but I'm glad you found us.

As far as telling people, you'll know when the time's right.  I wouldn't let someone else dictate to me when to tell others, though I might be misinterpreting what your partner's doing.  Maybe he's just concerned about how people will handle it.  You said your family is supportive now though, so they'll probably be supportive when you tell them.  I have a daughter who's 24 and she's known almost from the start (I tested positive in 1989, when she was five).  She was around all kinds of people with this bug and she's very open-minded today.  I told my parents right from the start and they were very supportive.  My mum talked to my ID doctor about "safety" issues and they (parents) were always very loving.  My whole family knows, but of course, I've been living with this longer.  Like I said, you'll know when it's time. 

I would encourage you to get in touch with your local ASO (Aids Service Organization).  Your doctor should have their contact information.  They have trained people there to help you get through this trying time.  They can also put you in touch with a good counselor should need be, and/or a support group where you can meet other local pozzies. 

We're always here.  Take care and I hope to hear more from you.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info http://www.aidsmap.com/Condoms/page/1044833/
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. http://www.poz.com/factsheets/fs_2014_09_prep.pdf


Offline 27years

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
  • What I did for love I will still do it for love
Re: Freaking Out
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2008, 04:59:49 PM »
Welcome to the forums, its unfortunate of the circumstance we meet but its a good place to hang around.  Being newly diagnosed i suggest you take your time before you start disclosing to people.  There is a hell lot of information about the virus to learn but the good thing is its manageable.  It might seem easier for you that you want to tell your family and friends but the way they will react to the news might be different.  Its normal to feel the urge to disclose to everyone but that should phase with time. If you think there is real urgency for them to know don't hold back inform them but be prepared for the outcome should it not be what you are expecting.  At the end of the day you are the one who is dealing with the virus not your partner so its up to you to weigh whats going to work for you.  Hopefully you will get all the support you need from them.

My prayers are directed to you and your partner as well that he comes back negative.
Nobody dies a virgin life screws us all up


  • Member
  • Posts: 230
  • Anything is possible, ANYTHING
Re: Freaking Out
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2008, 10:25:53 PM »
hi frankie,

also welcome to the forums

i am gona be a bit more blunt,

firstly read my "for all the new poz people" thread

now sorry to say this but forget other people and your partner

and think about you,   when you feel ready to tell people then tell them but remember the golden rule "once you have told someone, you can not un-tell them" its your desision and know one elses

as for your health you state your over weight,

re-read my thread

i was also overweight,   i used my hiv diagnosis to do something about my life, i joined a gym and in just under 12 months i lost 3.5 stone,  i am now a healthy 12.5 stone, and really believe me when i say this, if i can do it you all so can do.

pm me when ever you want to

remember this,       hiv = no blame and deffinately no shame

god speed to ya fella 
Simon - Location Manchester England
Negative test 10/11/07
Tested poz 28/12/07
Confirmed WB 07/01/08
Sero-converted Late December 07

Date        CD4            %              VL

7/01/08   1273 :)      N/A       100,232
24/01/08   755 :(      42%         4,010
13/2/08     922 :)      45%       78,234
09/04/08   652 :(      38%       36,604
05/05/08   936 :)      39%       38,952
07/07/08   844 :)      34%       24,000
12/11/08   753 :(      31%       45,600
no meds yet:)

Offline Joe K

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 5,820
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Freaking Out
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2008, 12:58:42 PM »
Hello Frankie,

My name is Joe and I have lived with HIV for 24 years and I can promise, that it will get better.  You just need to give it some time.  When I tested poz, my daughter was 3 and my ex-wife went crazy about my being poz and having Kate stay with me.  Which was really disappointing, in that she was an intensive care nurse, so she knew the truth about infection routes, yet her fear was very real.  It was hard to work through that, and that is why I suggest that you tell no one, at least for now.

When you first test poz, there are far too many thoughts that go through your mind and I would suggest that you do not make any major decisions, or declarations for at least a month or so.  Give yourself time to adjust, so you can begin to understand how you feel, about being poz.  What is most important now, is that you take care of you.  This includes your body, mind and spirit.  Only you can decide on how you will live with HIV, but for right now, relax.  Time is on your side, so take the time you need to feel better about your world with HIV.

Feel free to talk about anything here and skim the lessons section, as there are many topics, you may find interesting.  Look forward to hearing more from you and welcome to the family.

Offline hpkfrankie

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Freaking Out
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2008, 09:37:20 AM »
Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts. I'm feeling much better now, no longer freaking out after seeing your comments and speaking to my ID doc. Still waiting for the results of my latest blood tests.


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