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Author Topic: The letter I never received.  (Read 2775 times)

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Offline Alain

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The letter I never received.
« on: October 20, 2008, 02:06:23 PM »
Hello everyone,

It's been some time since I have posted about myself. I am still struggling on two fronts, trying to find my comfort zone. Besides being HIV, I am having a hard time dealing with my complete loss of hearing and grieving over the loss of my mother this year.

Canadians did celebrated Thanksgiving Day earlier on October 13. It was nice and I went to see my brother and sisters up north of Montreal in the mountains. I am very grateful for what I have, even though I find it hard to belong. Adjusting is, at best of time, almost impossible.

My sisters went through my mother's paper and found something addressed to me. I must say that I wasn't prepared for what I was about to find out; the letter I never received from her. It is quite the Gift and it shows you why, I miss her so much.

Please allow me to share it with you.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006.

Good day Alain, I have been thinking of you and (my ex-partner). I sense how much your solitude must be immense and so silent. I just want to share some wonderful thoughts I had thinking of you.

Use your eyes to see you inner self. You will see a wonderful man, simple from the inside, but boasting of a sublime kindness. Use you nose to smell the perfume of your skin, so that you can rediscover the beauty of yourself. From the moment you were born, what a precious gift. Use your mouth to taste life, the one that God gave you. With hope, that it will translate into the making of your soul. Use your ears, yes you are reading my words right, and I am saying it again, listen to the music, so soft, so romantic, so celestial following your heart beat.

Use your hands to touch the rainbow so azure by the lighting of the skies. This will remind you of tomorrow, and this sweetness will belong to you. I love you in the present, in the past and in the future. Within you and the kid that you were once is finally resting, and now since becoming mature, you are surrounded by love all around.

It is so you Alain.

I know that you are capable of hearing with all that you are. I am sending you a few pictures and they will talk and show you with plenty of smiles. I am also sending you a book, which your brother Sylvain gave me at Christmas. If you heart feel like it, read it, it has answered high and strong for me.

I love you Alain and I wish so much healing for you. (Cross Sign). God Bless you my son, and may He keep you forever safe. Hugs and kisses, whereever you want. (Drawing of a face with a big smile)


I simply can't express how powerful these words are, and what they do to me. It is painful, and I am so filled with sorrows. I am so thankful for her support and love over the years, and most importantly, for having had her in my life.

Thanks for reading. Alain :-* 

Offline HopeandCope

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    • Hope and Cope
Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2008, 02:15:34 PM »
What a beautiful letter to you.  Your Mother was very special.
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A Safe Place for Families & Friends of HIV+ People

Offline heartforyou

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  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2008, 03:25:55 PM »
My dear Alain,

What a precious gift this letter is....

Your mother loved you more then anything in the world and she had a great way of expressing herself.

What a beautiful letter ... I am oved to tears ...



PS I have started classes in sign language here in Belgium...
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Kivexa (Epzicom),Tivicay once daily.

Switching to Viramune, Isentress and Emtriva

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline BT65

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2008, 03:28:31 PM »
Wow Alain,

What a beautiful expression of love.  I lost my mother last March and I miss her terribly, so I feel you.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline weasel

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2008, 07:23:02 PM »
what a wonderful letter

 it made me cry , no one can ever replace our MOMS

 Moms are the only person on Earth that really listen to us

                                              so sorry for your loss

" Live and let Live "

Offline Longislander

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #5 on: October 20, 2008, 10:19:47 PM »

What a beautiful letter to find.  Please take your mom's advice in that letter, mom's know what they're talking about!

infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline joemutt

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2008, 02:19:33 AM »
That was beautiful Alain, thanks for sharing.
« Last Edit: October 21, 2008, 02:21:49 AM by joemutt »

Offline auspoz

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  • Posts: 178
Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2008, 06:34:53 AM »
Hi Alain,

That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Your mother was a wonderful person.

I remember the photo that you posted of her. Just gorgeous.

I'm thinking of you, Alain and I know it must be hard. She loves you in past, present and future. That's very powerful, and maybe some comfort.

Thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts.


Offline Iggy

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #8 on: October 21, 2008, 07:54:23 AM »

Your mother did indeed leave you the most wonderful gift in that letter; the gift of reminding you just how wonderful you are.

I'm very glad that you finally received that letter.

Offline michaelman333

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #9 on: October 21, 2008, 01:12:04 PM »
Alain, You are so lucky ... and it sounds like your mother thought she was lucky to have you as well:)

Thank youf or sharing ... in a world that is full of negaitives it is so good to hear something so beautiful and positive :)

Hugs :)
06/29/09 ---- CD4- 392 (20%)   VL-Und
02/19/09 ---- CD4- 513 (23%)   VL-Und
01/11/09 ---- Switched Atripla
11/05/08 ---- CD4- 462 (23%)   VL - Und
04/01/06 ---- CD4- 274 (19%)   VL - 1200
03/20/06 ---- Started Truvada/Azatanovir/Ritonavir
02/28/06 ---- CD4- 219 (17%)   VL - 217,000
Diagnosed HIV+ 11/30/2005

You said I was lost/Wrong again
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Offline Moffie65

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #10 on: October 21, 2008, 02:04:04 PM »
How generous of you to share with us.  We are not worthy.

Love ya,
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Joe K

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #11 on: October 21, 2008, 03:16:15 PM »

What a beautiful bond you had with your mother.  Her letter is the epitome of love and compassion and thank you for sharing.

Offline Winiroo

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Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #12 on: October 21, 2008, 07:52:04 PM »
Oh Alain, your Mother's letter tugged at my heart strings.
Her letter was a beautiful gift I am so glad you finally recieved it.
It was very touching. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Offline Assurbanipal

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  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #13 on: October 21, 2008, 09:06:40 PM »
Thank you for sharing your mother's letter.

She loved you "in the present, in the past and in the future."
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%
2014 VL UD - 48
2015 VL 130 Moved to Triumeq

Offline Alain

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  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
Re: The letter I never received.
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2008, 03:31:41 PM »
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts regarding this incredible find.

It means so much to me and I guess she wrote this letter when she started getting sick.

God only knows, how much I try to accept that deafness is part of me, but obviously with a great deal of difficulty.

Betty, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. Coincidentally, they passed away in the same month.

Alain. :-*


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