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Author Topic: Alone, sick, depressed and nowhere to turn  (Read 4036 times)

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Offline MacGyvr

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  • Posts: 1
Alone, sick, depressed and nowhere to turn
« on: October 18, 2008, 05:46:47 PM »
I've spent the last hour looking for some place I could call just for someone to talk to and I've had no luck, so I find myself posting here.

2 months ago, my partner of 4 years decided he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and left me.  During our time together, I didn't nurture any friendships (he said I was anti-social), and now I'm left literally with no one.  I have a few co-worker acquaintances, but no true *friends*.

I can't let go of the relationship.  I know we were meant to be together, but there is an 11 year difference in us, and I think he's going through the 'grass is greener' syndrome.  I think we'll be back together at some point, but who knows when?

I've been sick with one of the worst colds I've ever had since last monday and last night was the worst.  I absolutely could not breathe or sleep.  I can't take over the counter decongestants, because they mess with my heart rhythm, so I just have to suffer.  I also have my own business, so I have been trying to work during this, but every day is just like dragging through concrete with the depression and now the illness.  I didn't even go in today.

This afternoon, I just started crying for no reason.  I miss my ex so much, I just want him here to talk to, and yes, to just be here while I'm sick.  Nothing has ever hurt so bad and I'm not seeing any way out.  I have a therapist that I see weekly, but it's really not doing any good.  I'm sure I'd never hurt myself, but I can no longer say that the thoughts haven't been there.

Offline auspoz

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Re: Alone, sick, depressed and nowhere to turn
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2008, 01:37:10 AM »
Hi MacGyvr,

I'm really sorry to hear you're having a rough time, and sick on top of that. And may I say I can relate to not having many (any) friends. It's strange how alone we can feel at times.

But rest assured you're not alone. I'm thinking of you, and I'm sure everyone here is hoping you can get well again, then work on the rest. I've been where you are (and have a rotten cold) and I hope it will sort out very soon for you. In the meantime, maybe you have a chance to work out what you really want. Hang in there friend. Someone on the other side of the world is thinking of you. And I hope the therapist starts providing some clearer perspective soon.

« Last Edit: October 19, 2008, 01:38:53 AM by auspoz »

Offline Joe K

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Re: Alone, sick, depressed and nowhere to turn
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2008, 10:32:59 AM »
Hey Mac,

My heart aches to read your post and all I can offer is that it will get better.  There are things you can do and to start, you should check with your pharmacist about using Coricidin HBP, which is specially formulated, for those of us with High Blood Pressure and it contains no decongestants, that may interfere with our blood pressure medications.  I suggest you start with one pill (usual dose is two) just to see how the medicine works for you.  I have been using it for years with no problems, and there is no reason that it will not work for you.

As for your partner, I hear how your heart aches, and while I cannot tell you how this will all end, I can suggest some things for you to consider.  From what you describe, you appear to be suffering from depression and I think you must become more proactive in your care.  Do you see a psychiatrist?  If not, you should see one, just to review your mental health and they may suggest certain medications that can help to alleviate your depression.  The reason I say this, is that I have suffered from depression for four decades and I understand how the illness works.

Depression causes a chemical imbalance in your brain, that can be corrected through the use of medications.  You need to correct this imbalance, because until you do that, your mind will be unable to function properly, so that your therapy is the most effective it can be.  This does not mean you need the drugs and/or therapy forever.  It just means you need some help with your mental illness, just like you see your doctor for physical ailments.  I realize that you may not see this need clearly, but your words tell me otherwise.  I ask that you read my post on Depression, which describes the illness, in detail, to see if you see yourself in those words.

The reason I stress your depression, is that it colors your entire world.  If affects your perceptions, energy levels, desire to do things and worst of all, it can cripple you in your ability to take care of yourself.  It changes how you see reality and what you need now is a clear head, so you can decide on what you want to do.

I sympathize with the loss of your partner, however, I can tell you, that partners who truly love you, will not walk away, no matter what.  Stephen and I, have been together for ten years and in the beginning, it was not easy, because my depression was not under control.  I had horrible mood swings, I doubted my ability to think and make decisions and I was still too afraid, to let Stephen in and I kept him at arms distance.  Not a good way to build a life together.  Nevertheless, Stephen was in this for the long haul.  We went through almost two years of that hell, and he stood by me, every step of the way.

That's the thing about real relationships, they are real.  A bond forms between two people, that becomes impervious to the world around it.  That, my friend, is what you deserve and what I think you can achieve.  But none of this can happen, until you start to treat your depression aggressively.  Thoughts of suicide are not normal and should never be ignored.  Please call your therapist tomorrow and be brutally honest with how you feel.  There is no shame in having a mental illness, like depression, and there is never any shame in asking for help.  I suspect you already know, that you need some help and maybe that need, is what brought you here.

It will not be easy, but little in life, worth having, comes easily.  I suggest that you start taking care of you and your health and all the other will wait, until you feel better.  No matter how much your heart aches, what is important now, is you and only you.  Please talk with someone and get all the help you feel you need.  Also, feel free to talk about anything here, that you need to, because someone will surely have been through a similar experience.

I hope my words have brought you some comfort and welcome to the family.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Alone, sick, depressed and nowhere to turn
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2008, 12:15:46 PM »
Hi Mac,

On top of everything else going on, being sick just makes it worse. So make sure you're taking good care of yourself physically. And for what it's worth, that you're entertained with tv, reading or whatever feels good to you right now.

It's impossible to predict what will happen between you and your bf in the future. What is really more to the point is for you to get out of isolation and reach out into the world. I don't know where you are located, but if you're in a city, it's likely there are AIDS service organizations. If that is available to you, find out what services they offer including support groups and perhaps private sessions as well.

Think about what you like and what you are interested so that you can consider possible outlets for yourself. Consider how you can make your world, your life larger. It will take effort on your part. You don't have to change things overnight. Just take steps...do something each day that gets you out into the world.

You are always welcome here to talk about what's going on. Hope you're having a better day today.

Andy Velez

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 13,386
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Alone, sick, depressed and nowhere to turn
« Reply #4 on: October 19, 2008, 01:00:00 PM »

This afternoon, I just started crying for no reason.  I miss my ex so much, I just want him here to talk to, and yes, to just be here while I'm sick.  Nothing has ever hurt so bad and I'm not seeing any way out.  I have a therapist that I see weekly, but it's really not doing any good.  I'm sure I'd never hurt myself, but I can no longer say that the thoughts haven't been there.

Heartbreak, its the worst! Your feelings are perfectly natural.
1) Can you see your therapist more than once a week? Also, if its not working, tell your therapist it isnt working and try to find a solution.  Maybe a different approach or a different therapist? Anyway you are so sad its bound to be slow no matter what happens in therapy.
2) Are you taking anti-depressant medicine? If not, highly suggested - it can get you through this rough time, and you need something to smooth the ride because you don't have a lot of support.
3) Do you have old friends who could come out of the woodwork to support you? Call them. Also make a stab with the friends you have. Maybe you dont think of them as friends but they might have a different opinion and be there for emotional support.
4) Exercise and fresh air.  Just walking outside can help.
5) Funny movies. Any kind of movie you find distracting and does not make you think of "him".
6) You have a right to cry and crying supposedly makes one feel better chemically.
7) Keep in mind, when eventually the heartache goes away, you will find there are more fish in the sea. Its a garantee!
8) Is there an HIV component in this situation that you care to discuss?

Best wishes to you.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx


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