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Author Topic: Disclosure for the first time to a potential partner  (Read 1895 times)

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Offline txalberta

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Disclosure for the first time to a potential partner
« on: October 16, 2008, 09:51:44 PM »
Hi. I just wanted to share a great experience I had with y'all.

My ex and I were diagnosed at the same time about 7 years ago. We decided to separate ways almost two years ago.

Single, then - interesting. I forgot what dating might be like and being positive everything seemed very strange. I met some great guys but withdrew from anything more than friendship.

I found myself in a situation where I was dating a great guy and sex was inevitable. I was TERRIFIED!!! Tell him, don't tell him and/or walk away from an opportunity. If I didn't walk away from the situation, he would need to know at some point.

Being super attracted to him and after turning myself inside-out I decided it was better to tell him before we got more involved with each other - sexually or emotionally. It's amazing how it can just slip out when you say "pass the bread please, and you need to know I'm HIV+".  ;D

It wasn't quite that spontaneous, but in a good moment out for a walk to the store I told him. The very next moment he was still there. And the moment after that. To my joy I received a mature and realistic response.

Since, we've developed a fun and healthy sex life and continue to enjoy each other. I'm lucky this experience has turned out to be so positive.

I think I've learned that no matter the situation - it seems much better to get it out in the open to avoid confusion/surprise later.

Anyone want to share any experience they've had with disclosing (good or not - it's all for sharing and discussion)?

Take care

Offline komnaes

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  • Posts: 1,899
Re: Disclosure for the first time to a potential partner
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2008, 10:01:22 AM »
There've been a few threads about disclosure and dating.. not all of them fun to read but you'd be able to find them easily.. ;D

For me the disclosure happens at the "browsing" stage, as for the few full encounters I had since my diagnosis where then a year a go I have been going out exclusively with other pozzies. I look for profiles of guys that, like myself, have identified their poz status openly. (Well, not counting the few times that I, er, orally serviced and grabbed a few guys in saunas' darkrooms..).

Good to hear things are going well with your txalberta!
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline jennynyc7

  • Member
  • Posts: 146
Re: Disclosure for the first time to a potential partner
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2008, 10:11:19 AM »
I too had a great experience. I was just diagnosed in February of this year, infected by my then fiance. We had just moved into a new house and there was a pretty attractive guy that lived across the street. Anyway things hadn't been going good with my fiance and I could tell that the neighbor was into me as well. We began chatting casually on the sidewalk as I watched my kids ride their bikes. I kept thinking, wow I would love to get to know this guy but at what risk? I couldn't decide whether to A) ditch the fiance, persue the neighbor and disclose and maybe be stuck alone if he rejected me or B) persue the neighbor, disclose, get his reaction and then decide whether I would need to ditch the fiance. I chose option A. Yes, it was risky because I had no idea how he would react, but it wouldn't have been fair to my fiance to keep hanging on, in any event. So, after a week of simply talking on the stoop of my house, we decided to go see a band play one night. I knew I was going to tell him on the way home and I was scared to death. I had mentioned to him previously (when he saw me ill from my Reyataz reaction) that I had an illness, and he did not question it. So, I kind of started the conversation that way...."do you remember when I told you I had an illness.....?? I asked had he wondered what it was and he said, sure but he figured I would talk about it when I was ready. I asked him to take a guess and of course he said cancer. I told him that he had only one other guess and said that it was up there with cancer, he immediately said AIDS....to which I said, "technically, NO", but that yes i was HIV+. He sat there for half a second and gave me the biggest hug of my life and said, well I guess we will have to be careful then won't we. We have been together over 3 months and he is wonderful. He does have a son and has a pretty nasty ex wife so he wishes to keep it quiet which is fine. He does get a little fidgety when I have a friend over (that I have disclosed to) and he has a friend over, in fears that it will be brought up. Well, that is my story!

1/3/08-ARS began
Initial Vl=99000
2/14/08-began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
3/01/08=Swapped Reyataz for Viramune
5/1/08:     vl= undetectable
10/24/08:  vl=undetectable
                cd4=1172 (55%)

12/4/08:    vl=254 (hopefully just a small blip)

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Disclosure for the first time to a potential partner
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2008, 10:41:42 AM »
Not to rain on the parade here, but all disclosures don't work out so well.  Long story short, had been dating a guy a few weeks, things going well, told him one night, he said he was fine with it, I sucked him off, he left and I never saw him again.  Such is life....:)

Glad things have gone well for you.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline michaelman333

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  • Posts: 56
  • Chaos and reason collide
    • My Facebook
Re: Disclosure for the first time to a potential partner
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2008, 01:22:18 PM »
That is so awesome... i have always been very open about mys status ... when i started dating my bf i told him online... we met all was good then his freinds found out from another freind... it was all crazy ... when they approached my BF out of concern he was all like "Yeah i know" ... his freind freaked out .. .now i am the token poz guy in the group ... it can be odd but i like it since i have nothing to hide... it has shown them how normal i am LOL ...

congrats to you :)
06/29/09 ---- CD4- 392 (20%)   VL-Und
02/19/09 ---- CD4- 513 (23%)   VL-Und
01/11/09 ---- Switched Atripla
11/05/08 ---- CD4- 462 (23%)   VL - Und
04/01/06 ---- CD4- 274 (19%)   VL - 1200
03/20/06 ---- Started Truvada/Azatanovir/Ritonavir
02/28/06 ---- CD4- 219 (17%)   VL - 217,000
Diagnosed HIV+ 11/30/2005

You said I was lost/Wrong again
Said I had crossed that/Line again
Made it to easy to/Scream again
Made me feel queazy/Let me in

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,382
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Disclosure for the first time to a potential partner
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2008, 04:30:00 PM »
Inspirational stories. congrats.  Excepts Woods', of course, ouch, sorry.  But good riddance.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx


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