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Author Topic: 93' - terrible year  (Read 2726 times)

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Offline Texan38

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93' - terrible year
« on: September 29, 2008, 04:23:54 PM »
Not only was I diagnosed in March of that year but 15 years ago today, my cousin Becky was murdered.  Today marks the anniversary of her death.  She and my curious-bi-sexual-lesbian friend were the best of friends - that's actually how we met, through my cousin. She had broken up with her boyfriend because he wasn't paying any attention to her at all so she had enough and left him. Since she left him and wasn't paying any attention to him anymore, he wanted her back.  She no longer wanted anything to do with him anymore and had gone on with her life. As a matter of fact, she had a female friend.
My curious-bi-sexual-lesbian friend and I were roommates at the time and Becky would often stay the night. They had actually taken a mattress from the upstairs bedroom and placed it downstairs. They would always drink together and walking up and down the stairs was just too much for them when they were drunk, so they improvised to make things easier. The day before, Becky was at the apartment when I had gotten home and she told me he had arrived at the apartment to talk to her but she yelled at him and slammed the door on him. Apparently, he would follow her wherever she would go. Then she mentioned the gun. She was more concerned about him hurting himself than anything else but then quickly said she wanted to get a restraining order against him. I agreed with her...then I noticed a hickey and asked her about it. She gave me a wide grin and said "It's from Barbara". I smiled at her and said, "oh really". She asked me how I told my mom about me, she wanted to tell her parents and I just told her "Mom's know". She mentioned how happy she was with Barbara. I was happy for her.
The next morning, around 11 am, my mom called me at work and said, "Becky's been shot and Martin shot himself". "I think she's at school," I told her. I had only heard Martin shot himself and I thought Becky was in her college class. "who", "Becky" I responded. Then she said, "Mark, listen to me. Martin shot Becky. She died. Then he shot himself." "No. I just saw her last night. Where is she?" "The family's getting together at their house. That's where it happened." I just went numb. I left work in a hysterical state of mind. I went to the apartment and woke my friend up, she was sleeping on the mattress downstairs. I told her. "what". I repeated it. She shook her head. I nodded. She burst out in tears. I leaned down to hug her both of us crying uncontrollably. We drove to the house.
He had gone to the house that morning, waited until her family left for work and school and Becky was alone. They had an argument outside, police stated they had received several calls from neighbors about a "disturbance".  Apparently, she locked herself in her bedroom and called the police. By the time the police arrived, they saw her climbing out of her bedroom window trying to get away and as they ran to get her, he shot her in the back from inside and dragged her back into the bedroom. He shot a couple of more times out the window then he shot himself.
After 15 years, the pain doesn't really completely go away but we will always have such wonderful memories of Becky.

Just wanted to share the story. Thanks for reading.

Take Care.
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline dixieman

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2008, 04:35:53 PM »
Texan, thank you for sharing your story... I am sorry for your loss... sincerely, John

Offline Snowangel

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2008, 07:23:29 PM »
That breaks my heart, I am so sorry for your loss.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline Basquo

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2008, 09:10:25 PM »
Holy hell...I saw the title of this thread and I was all ready to agree and describe what a terrible year it was for me....but this is yours, hands-down. I'm sorry for the pain you still feel. I have no words to describe it. It's important that you still remember in such detail, I think it means you'll always think of your cousin and what your family went though that day.


Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2008, 10:54:10 PM »
I was diagnosed in '93 and thought the same thing when I read the title here.....but goodness, this must have you in such awful pain, being the anniversary and all.  I am really sorry for your loss, it was very tragic, how this happened. 

Your friends in the threads are thinking of you tonight.  Take care of yourself.

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Longislander

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2008, 12:08:59 AM »
I'm so sorry you had to lose your cousin in such a horrible way, and that you have to relive that day each year.

Be good to yourself~

infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Online joemutt

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2008, 12:54:26 AM »
I'm sorry for the pain it still brings to you. You be well.

Offline BT65

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2008, 10:36:40 AM »
What a tragic story, and a tragic loss.  My condolences.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline jennynyc7

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2008, 11:44:28 AM »
Thanks for sharing your story. I have lost many family members to disease and old age but never to anything like this. I can only imagine that the heartache is magnified by losing someone to another persons actions. I am thinking of you and hope that you are doing well.

Take care
1/3/08-ARS began
Initial Vl=99000
2/14/08-began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
3/01/08=Swapped Reyataz for Viramune
5/1/08:     vl= undetectable
10/24/08:  vl=undetectable
                cd4=1172 (55%)

12/4/08:    vl=254 (hopefully just a small blip)

Offline Buckmark

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2008, 03:31:05 PM »

I can't imagine what it was like for you to have to go through this.  But I have some idea what you mean when you say the pain doesn't go away completely.  Learning to live with it can be difficult, even after all these years.


"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline bear60

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2008, 04:44:29 PM »
Thanks for sharing.  Its very painful to remember the bad things. But they are there, none the less.

Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Texan38

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Re: 93' - terrible year
« Reply #11 on: October 05, 2008, 12:20:41 AM »
I just wanted to say Thank You. Every Sept 29th is never easy and every year I always remember that tragic day as if it happened yesterday.  The loss was great but the memories will always live on...
And as I read through everyone's comments, with tears in my eyes, all I can say is that I so appreciate everyone's support and love. Your heartfelt words meant so much.

In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall


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